Mothering and Allowing

I was guided recently to relax into another aspect of the Sacred Feminine…Allowing.  This feels akin to “going with the flow”, or the term “surrender” to me.  And while I totally get the concept in some areas of my life, I find it challenging sometimes to do this as a mother with my children.

It has been an ever-present  internal dialogue since my teenaged boys were little babies…is this supportive for them to experience, or is this something I need to set a limit about, etc.  In my efforts to protect them, sometimes hyper-vigilantly, I may have sheltered them too much.  Learning to let go is a constant process.

The stakes were smaller when they were little…should I let them try this food, play with that kid, let them see this tv show, etc.  Little decisions as a mom to prepare me for the bigger decisions that would come as they got older.  Fortunately, the balance of having their dad around has prevented me from putting protective bubbles around them, even as I cringed when he was throwing them up in the air or wrestling with them on the floor.

As they have grown, they’ve entered into realms where they can really get hurt.  Is it supportive for me to let them play football, is it supportive for them to have a long term girlfriend already, etc.  We are now in the realm of greater potential physical harm or heart/emotional harm.

Now my oldest will be 17 next week, and he is driving and just come out of a year and a half relationship with a girl.  Halfway through his junior year, he will leave for college in just a year and a half.  He is so grounded and so capable in so many ways, but I still have fears for his safety, whether emotional or physical.  I guess this will never change, as I will be a mother for as long as I am alive.

This guidance I have received to “be more allowing” has really caused me to pause.  But I have been allowing in so many ways, I think.  However, I am told, you have been allowing to the point that you were able.  Now it is time to grow, to be more allowing, to trust.  To allow is to step back, to let what will unfold unfold, without interference.  Even if it means that someone you love very much could be hurt.  Oh, I say.

Having developed a habit of wanting to control things so that my children could experience a healthier emotional family than the ones my husband and I grew up in, this idea of “allowing” pushes against the edges of my Mother Bear aspect.  But perhaps Mother Bear was appropriate when her cubs were small.  Now they are learning to survive in the world, and trial and error are the key to learning natural consequences.  They must be allowed to fall in order to learn how to pick themselves back up.

I wonder if this is how it works on a macro scale…if the Sacred Feminine is allowing humanity to explore and design new ways of living, even if the unfolding of those explorations eventually result in the end of us?  Is this the greatest love there is…to create, and then allow what you care about to destroy itself in the spirit of us learning natural consequences of our choices?

I’m a micro/macro thinker, to be sure…how I consciously parent is very much informed by how I feel parented by Spirit.  I am allowed a lot of room to become who I am, and for that I am grateful.  I make mistakes, I fall on my face, and I choose to learn.  I believe this makes me a better person.