Archive for October, 2009

I was prompted in my inner guidance time this morning to write about the immense amount of subconscious process that I am going through.  I asked, “What about it, any particular theme?”  I was told, “Just tell people that it’s happening.”

Well, okay….I am now going to tell you that I am undergoing deep subconscious work, but will spare you the details of it for now (that I find so interesting).  Maybe the details will come later.

It is happening below the surface, and feels way out and big, like soul kind of work.  I am going through the motions of my day, feeling my feelings, functioning, being present to what needs to get done (I am a mom and beloved and friend and volunteer and run a household and write and, and, and….after all), but I am also doing this deep inner work right now. 

I don’t know if I am that different from other people.  I believe that we are all undergoing deep, immense change right now, whether we are aware of it or not.  I believe that there is a larger collective experience of inner limits being challenged and that this is why I see so many beautiful “falling-apart” experiences.  Sure, it’s uncomfortable, even painful when your world unhinges and things you thought were real and concrete crumble before your eyes….but I feel this is a healthy thing.  I feel we are all being freed from our inner prisons, if we will but walk out of the open doors.

Maybe what makes me a little bit different from the majority of folks is that I am aware of these energy processes going on, within and without me, and attempt to describe them.  I feel I am creating a road map of long forgotten territory, and leaving breadcrumbs for others to follow, if they so desire.  I know a very few others that are doing this, too….we feel cycles and movement and process going on, and attempt to describe what we are seeing, feeling and experiencing to the rest of the world as a service and as self preservation. 

I think about this stuff a lot; well, all the time.  My inner life is very rich, and always has been.  I was told by my good friend Madelyn Aslan, a very gifted and well known psychic, that if I wrote every minute of every day for the rest of my life I would not be able to empty out all the thoughts and awarenesses in my mind.  This feels true to me; I’d better get on the ball. 

So, I’m going to describe the process I’m undergoing right now since I was guided to, as best I can.  Bear with me. 

I feel distinctly that I am here, in my life, doing what needs to be done, smiling at people (most of the time), being out in the world…..and at the same time there is another me, much, much bigger than the me that is driving the car or going to the grocery store or having intellectual debates on FaceBook, who is conducting a grand symphony, and yet I am also all the players in it.  Do you get that image? 

I’ve had glimpses lately of what it must feel like to be the Source of All Things.  I feel myself being inclusive of so many perspectives and so many life experiences…. And understanding them.  I have felt that I was big enough to hold all of the world’s diverse life forms and their instincts, their beliefs, their habits.  Recognizing my own “Source-ness” has made me wonder if that is what we are all being challenged to do right no…to open up, to surrender our little tiny boxes that we put around us to make us feel safe, so that we can live bigger, more fulfilling, more loving lives.

Back in 2000 when my spiritual journey took a strong upturn in intensity, I had the very profound experience over a couple of years of feeling that I was unearthing something that had been buried in the earth for many thousands of years.  I had dreams of a language of light that I read in great tomes, and my voice wanted to sing languages I did not know.  My belly felt like a great black cauldron inside that was very full and wanted to express through my throat and voice and sound.  Once, I leaned against a very old oak tree on our property, and while I did I experienced making contact with the tree’s essence.  I felt it awaken underneath me, and we recognized each other…then suddenly, I saw in my mind’s eye that the tree was transmitting symbols from the ground up, in the same language of light that I had seen in my dreams.  Somehow, my being willing to be open to this was what opened the door for this information to move upward, into the light.  This was a somewhat new experience at the time for me, to be awake to a larger collective and psychic process so clearly.

A couple of years ago I had a taste of this feeling of deep subconscious process going on…it was in January of 2007 that it started, when I was first in touch with an biological Aunt that I had not been in touch with for many years.  Being in her presence initiated a cascade of what I can only describe as inner avalanches, and I tumbled down, down, down with the debris that was dislodged, settling eventually down at the bottom of the sea.

I was under this inner sea for many months…I had the distinct feeling that I was swimming at the bottom of a great ocean, exploring caves and communing with the sea creatures, many of whom became my helpers in retrieving gems buried in the sand.  The collage above is the one I made to describe that experience.  But I was living and breathing in the Upper World, the one where the sun is shining, and I was talking to people, and going about my day…..this was all occurring at the same time that a deep inner process was going on.  It reminds me of the desert, a vast dry hot and seemingly barren place, which was once a vast sea teeming with life.  What is apparent is not always what is truly going on.

My current process here at the end of 2009 feels a little different…I don’t quite have the visceral experience of being under a great sea…I feel more like I am under the earth, in some great caverns miles below the surface.  I feel the pressure of the ground above me.  It is so quiet and so still there….and dark, yes, sometimes.  I am feeling my way.  It feels like I am down here (there) moving forward with my hands outstretched, occasionally stumbling over rocks or rises in the cavern floors.  But then I will see a mysterious light around the corner or at the end of some tunnel, and it calls me, and it is my soul telling me that all is well, to rest, to trust.  I arrive into a room that is lit by a fantastic purple series of cascading lights, falling like stars, except that it doesn’t end.  The trails from these purple stars create a matrix, a kind of grid, which makes me think very much of the Great Web of life.  What does this all mean?  I am not certain, but it is a fascinating journey. 

And so, my mind wonders why I was guided to tell you all about this subterranean process happening for me.  Is it perhaps because you are wondering if you are losing your mind because you feel something happening to you too?  Because you feel the slippery slope of your old world crumbling away and you think you are alone in this experience?  Is it because you feel something deeper happening within you but don’t know what to name it?  Is it just to give you a piece of information to consider?  Is it because I am able to put some words around something that is very hard to explain?  Or is it because there are others in the world who are experiencing this thing that I am, and that I need the reassurance that I am not alone?

 

“I am not a victim. I am victorious.” -Jennifer Schuett

 

(here introduce the Old WiseWoman, the Teller of Stories)

 

Come round ye women, of old and of young

To hear the tale of a Shero sprung

From the heart of a child; a lion emerged

To claim her true power…all factors converged.

 

Come round me, women,

and listen to my tale

Of a woman who spoke up

When no voice was there

 

Come round the fire and lend me your heart

As I show you a vision of your own Lionheart.

A story of the strength you possess

Whether you be healer, sage or sorceress.

 

Listen to me sing this song of triumph and woe

Listen to this song of a true Shero

She who has risen from the ashes,

She who did not bow before the lash.

 

A woman who loved herself so much

that she would not allow the heinous crime

committed against her to claim her life,

and now she is speaking out, loud and proud

so others will have courage to do the same.

 

 

(here introduce Women in the crowd, around the fire, gathering)

 

Let us raise our voices to the Shero in all of us

 

Who perseveres and vanquishes her enemy

 

Let us take heart and dare to feel hope

 

From hearing her song

 

~

 

(Old WiseWoman, Teller of Stories)

 

On this day from the banks of clouds

A mortal woman inspires song

Her trials she bore at the hands of a man

Did undo her, but not for long.

 

As a maiden, but a child, she was plucked

From the warmth and safety of her nightly bed

And stolen away in the dark, beaten and deflowered,

Her tender throat cut open, and left for dead.

 

Oh, what did she wonder as she watched

The stars o’er head, her silent witnesses?

Did she want her family, miss her dolly, 

worry for her life, while the sickness of men possesses?

 

(Women around the fire, incredulous, angry)

 

A child is to be protected, cherished, adored

Not beaten, abused, and made into whores!

A child taken by adult woes

Carries that pain wherever they go!

 

(Old WiseWoman, Teller of Stories)

 

Powerless to overthrow him, powerless to stop him,

Powerless to scream, run, fight, or beat him

A little girl in her nightgown, tendrils of sweet curls hanging down

She was the victim of his madness, prey to him. 

 

Her voice, her sweet voice, it was made obsolete

By his cruel knife, an attempted final defeat.

No way to call, no way to cry

It is truly a wonder that she did not die.

 

He threw her away when he was done, lifeless

Onto earth’s field, her blood spilt on the ground

Did he have a moment’s remorse, a thought to whom he’d laid bare?

Or like so much trash, turned his back on her that made no sound?

 

She lay there until the light of day, almost one with the dirt

Barely alive, semi-conscious; and thus began the true work

Of reclaiming her life from that awful night, when innocence was taken

And retrieving her spirit from the blood, semen, and murk.

 

(The Women around the fire are stunned into silence; the Story Teller continues, quietly at first )

 

The choice to live after one’s heart, mind and body are broken

Is a courageous one, to be sure, make no mistake.

A victim as a child, most certainly; but as she grew,

Her goal to have justice was a thirst unslaked.

 

The burning to find her monster, to put him away

Formed a kind of resolve, a strength, a spine.

To put right what was put asunder

To take back, to reclaim what was thine.

 

How many would cringe, wish for and hold tight to their deaths

Rather than stand up, point and loudly scream his name?

How many would turn the old patriarch over on his grey head

And show him the grit of our spirits, the scars from his shame?

 

(Women around the fire, enraged and feeling their ire)

 

The choice not to die

Despite some men’s wishes

Is a clue to our strength.

In your face, sons of bitches!

 

And well meaning advice is forced upon us,

“Let it go”, “It’s karma”, “Forgive and forget”

Not knowing, they perpetrate

The violence that silence begets!

 

(Old WiseWoman, Teller of Stories)

 

The stories of old would nourish us in these times,

When women and children still bear the brunt of men’s weakness.

Stories of women and goddesses, who were erased from the books

But nevertheless, through their sex, show their uniqueness.

 

There is a power, unspoken, quiet but sure

A thread of life that runs through us, no matter what we endure

If we are but willing to take hold of that thread

The long ancestral line of Woman will tenderly hold our head.

 

And when we feel Her strength and resolve,

We will find our voices again, stand up and behold

Our own significant part of All Creation

So marvelous, precious, fierce and bold.

 

~

 

And now in this day of bombing the ancient face of the moon,

Women everywhere would take heart from Jennifer’s role

To find her OWN voice, to face her offender, no matter the years

To bring eyes, justice, awareness, then freedom to her soul. 

 

“To thine own self be true” was ne’er so bright

As when a little girl overcame fear to set things right.

And while we all may be spiritually “playing our part”,

I will go with the Amazon, true to her warrior heart.

 

 

 

Jennifer Schuett, you are a SHERO.

 

In deep and humble gratitude,

With Love and Blessings,

Licia Berry

www.liciaberry.com

Copyright Licia Berry, 2009, all rights reserved

Do you ever get the sense something big is about to happen?  Sort of a building of energy feeling, like gears are turning…but not turning just to turn….turning because it will lead to something.

I have had this feeling today that is similar to the way I felt before I went into labor with my boys.  I noticed when I awoke spontaneously at 5 a.m. that I felt funny, very internal.  An eerie quiet, while something moved deep inside.  As if I was a very still, black lake with an ancient sea creature traversing its muddy bottom.  It is a difficult feeling to describe in words, but I can safely say ”pre-labor” is no ordinary feeling. 

As the morning progressed, I noticed I did something very bold that I have been trying to do for 5 years (I printed out some of the stories I will be publishing in my next book).  I just up and did it!  No talking myself into it, no wringing my hands, no over-analyzing.  Just pulled up 50 pages worth of my heart and printed them out on paper.

You might wonder why this is so significant.  It doesn’t seem like a big deal at all!  But it IS.

I realized today that I have safely secreted away my deepest revelations in my trusty computer (and what I didn’t, I trusted to put in my journals), but never brought them into physical form by printing them.  I kept them nice and safe in the etheric realm of my electronic gadgetry, where I could not show them to anybody.  Or publish them.

You know me, I’m a pretty intense person and a deep thinker.  I figure that I have at least 8000 pieces of writing that I “intend” to put into books stashed on my computer.  I seem to be a collector of my thoughts, and if I write them, I tell myself I doing what needs to be done.  But I am starting to see that there is another half of the equation. 

The other half is putting it out there for folks to read.  My big AHA this week has been that I actually feel that if I don’t DO anything with my writing (except offer it for free on my blog, websites, FaceBook, famous emails, articles published worldwide in several languages, etc.), then no one can criticize me for what I have written.  And certainly I won’t be a failure for not making a living being a writer.  No, if I just keep all my most fabulous work secreted away on my computer, I don’t have to take the risk of playing big.

Well, all that is getting challenged this week.  Between healing my inner masculine (my “DOING” side), revealing my beliefs about my relationship with money in my coaching group, and having the realization that I avoid DOING in order to avoid failing, there is a whole lotta shaken goin’ on. 

I actually sent an introduction piece out to a trusted friend with whom I will begin a writer’s group….she gasped into the phone, “I want to read the book.  NOW.”  Oh boy.  She wants the book NOW. 

I feel intuitively that the fire that is under me about publishing my writing is a good thing.  I feel I am being prodded by the universe (in the most supportive of ways) to get off my arse and TELL MY STORY.  I did always plan to do it, but somehow the years have ticked off and I never, well, got around to it.  I’ve been BUSY!  (ahem)

In my inner guidance this morning, I received the words, “What will it take to put your Self first?”  I can think of so many things to do that are in service to my children and family and home and hearth….as well as things that are not of service to anyone such as playing a computer game (she admits sheepishly).  But to REALLY live my life as it was intended to be lived, that is a different kind of priority.  It will require a shuffling of priorities, a greater discipline, and a very deep devotion to my truest Self to allow that life to be expressed.

I think that is what is shifting.  I think this is what’s happening in my life right now.  I’m choosing to trust that this pre-labor I feel so intently right now is going to take me into a labor of love, one that will birth the me that has been waiting to emerge.