"Igmu Tanka Chantay Weh", collage by Licia Berry 2007 copyright

I’m from the south…I was born in North Carolina and lived in the south most of my life.  I’d never been west as a child (the furthest I got was Little Rock, Arkansas, but that’s a story for another time.)  Oh, and we went on a family trip to Dallas, Texas.  But I never got DEEP west until 1990, when I took a fateful trip with my husband that felt like pure destiny.  I crossed the Mississippi and found a world that captured my heart.

As a young married couple, we were feeling the itch to get out from under our roots and see the world, seek our fortunes, find out who we were.  We felt that a move out west was the right direction, but I’d never been there, so off we went during my summer break (I was a public school art teacher at the time).  We traveled the southwest on a three week road trip with a lot of music, a camera and not very much money.  It was the best trip ever.

I remember the feeling the first time we got west of the center of Texas and I saw the full moon rise behind us as we sped through the dark across the open plains.  There was something about that giant sky and that wise open space that cracked my heart open.  We went all over New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado and a bit into Utah.  We had multiple magical encounters on that trip; from outrageous coincidences to the awe inspired by the colors of the earth and the light, it was one head-over-heels experience after another.  We fell in love with Tucson, AZ and moved there two years later. 

We’ve lived in Tucson, Albuquerque NM and southern Colorado since…each time we have left the southwest to come back to the south (where we are now), but have boomeranged back, as if we are back to refill our cup with the magic that seems to live there.  I have been missing it again lately, which is what prompted me to write this post.

I was thinking about why I am overcome every so often with a feeling in my heart, a beckoning, as if the desert is calling my name on the wind, yet it is inside my chest.  I was wondering why the feeling I have when I feel the Sacred Feminine in my consciousness feels so similar to the feeling I have when I am in the wide open spaces, looking up at the giant blue sky and the mountains on the horizon.  There is a feeling of awe and quiet, a feeling of being so small in such a big place, a feeling of being held and nurtured, and a sense of ancient knowing.  It feels like Her.

Just a few days ago I realized that the desert is where I first consciously felt the Sacred Feminine.  And it is there that I have continued to deepen my relationship with Her.  Each time I have lived out west the ante gets higher; I am simultaneously driven to my knees and lifted up by Her magnificent presence, Her calling herself forward in me.

Maybe I come back to the south to bring what I’ve learned, a taste of the desert dream to this land that I come from and that holds so many hard memories of being a smart girl growing up in the bible belt.   And maybe I will go back to the sit at Her feet every so often and drink of Her wisdom.

The most recent translation of my Midlife Collage will examine the latest elements that I was guided to add.  They bring some interesting medicine!

• parsley – I utilize plant medicine as part of my energy work, so seeing parsley was a cue to me to ask parsley for some medicine.  Parsley is associated with regeneration, helping one have an open mindset to new ideas, including to guidance from inner realms.  
• the swinging lady - happy, playful, reaching for Spirit, me! 
• “marriage”  – refers to the marriage of my inner feminine and masculine, something I have been working on fervently for the last few years 
• “glorious debris” – when I ask about this one, I am given an image of the tail of a comet; there is beautiful stuff flying off the main body as it moves through space.  I get the feeling of releasing what’s in the way of living an authentic life, the life I have committed to live in the time I have left.  I think that this is how we get down to the essence of something, and that what’s left is what’s real. 

Perhaps this is what I’ve been doing as I navigate through midlife?  No doubt about it.  I feel as though I have been sandpapered, sculpted, stripped, honed, planed, whittled, and cleansed since I turned 42 years of age.  I really get the idea of midlife being a rebirth; it truly is an opportunity, a trial by fire, to come back to my core essence and decide again how I want to live my life. 

I’m so grateful for the messages and support of All Creation in all of its forms, and it is especially delicious when it comes through these guided collages that I dowse for myself and others.  There is something magical about seeing which images are chosen; I feel like a treasure hunter hitting gold when I hear the translation for the images and it makes so much sense.  I’m reminded (yet again) how much we are loved, how much we are supported, how connected we are to everything in the Web of Life.

This collage is not finished; as a matter of  fact, I am told that I will add something to it this week!  Oh goody.  What will my next support be?

Glorious Debris-Midlife Card (Back), collage by Licia Berry, 2009 copyright

The continuing story of my Midlife Collage! 

After the initial 4 elements were in place, some months later I was guided to place the above image and wording on the back of the collage.

What does this mean?

First of all, for just one lovely image (it is artwork from the WeMoon calendar) to have been chosen, it must be powerful; it carries an energy that doesn’t need other images to complete the story.  The words “Deepen into Nature” just compliment or affirm the image.

Secondly, for the image to be chosen for the back tells me that it is a foundational piece of information.  The back of the collage is the spine, the thing that holds the collage together.   Deepening into Nature is a primary suggestion for me to navigate my passage through midlife.

Of course the image itself is full of symbolism!    It is steeped in symbols of the Sacred Feminine, the earth, transformation, higher knowing and growth.  Fits right in!

Nature used to be my best friend; it rejuvinated me, gave me fresh eyes, reminded me who I really am and the bigness of the universe we live in.  Nature, since it is inherently balanced, helps me re-balance.  Over the last few years, though, I seem to have shifted my focus to more indoor activities.  It was a good prompt to get back in touch with my old friend.

You can see that I have used the back of the card to record the dates that I have been guided to add something new.  It is interesting to me now as I look back on starting this card how much of what was shown to me has absolutely been my journey!

Next…parsley, the swinging lady, “marriage” and “glorious debris”!

"Glorious Debris", Collage by Licia Berry 2009 (Copyright Licia Berry)

I’ve been making intentional collages for over 20 years.  (Collage, of course, is an art technique named from the French, in which one brings together disparate parts to create something new.)  I did as a kid, but I started in earnest in my first year teaching art in the Atlanta public schools.  Maybe it was because the materials are easily found for free, like many of the art supplies I had to hunt for my students.  I was a fantastic scrounger!  

My collaging in earnest began when I was in an art therapy group run by the great Elizabeth Rucker, then-president of the Georgia Art Therapy Association, where we were encouraged to choose images “that felt right” to include in our pieces.  The intent of these collages was to bridge the soul and the earthly life with all of its hurts, and to invite healing.

This really spoke to me, and I continue to this day to give voice to my subconscious through the images that speak to me.   I credit that art therapy group with helping me understand and embody the connection between art and healing.  Sometimes my collages have predicted my future; other times, they were a kind of soul retrieval, providing healing for parts of myself that I had disenfranchised over my life.  Always, it has been profoundly powerful work. 

Literature, symbolism and psychology were my other loves besides art and writing, and so it made some sense that I would eventually weave all of these things together into a whole-brain expression to offer to others.

Spirit wove itself into my collage-making when I learned how to dowse from an elderly woman in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  She taught me to use a pendulum, which acts as a sort of translator, a way to ask yes/no questions and confirm my intuition.  I learned through this wonderful gift that sometimes what I thought was my intuition wasn’t, and have spent 13 years working to hone my skills in that department.  I know now the subtle difference when it is my preference or my mind masking itself as intuition; I learned this through the use of the pendulum as an objective marker. 

Later, I learned to utilize the pendulum to ask for messages through my collages; which images would help me understand a situation?  I would be shown images to choose through my vast stash, then told where to put them.  The relationships between the images are very important; are they touching?  Are they on the left, right or center of the collage?  Are they parallel, diagonal, oppositional, in alignment?

Sometimes I would even ask for guidance and would be told to pull out my collage materials, and my angelic helpers would guide me to make a collage that gave me a message or a warning.  It has been the most helpful and supportive spiritual practice.

I was guided in May 2009 to begin the collage you see above, entitled “Glorious Debris”, when I was in the midst of my sabbatical from my work as a spiritual counselor and energy reader.  I was despairing about my future, very much feeling my midlife crisis (rebirth) and wondering what I could do to move forward authentically into the latter half of my life.  What was my future?  I so deeply want to contribute in supportive ways to the Whole.

Unlike most of my collages, which are completed in one sitting, this one has been on-going as I have lived through my midlife, a bit at a time.  I’ve been guided to add to it three times since I began it, and is not complete (I’m told I will be adding something to it this week.)

It started with four elements:

• Aurora Borealis
• Owl
• Pinecone
• Garden

I dowsed the images, and I was guided about where to place them on the collage.  Then, the fun part….what do they mean?  Images sometimes have universal meanings, but I have found that they also have meanings that are particular to that person, so I like to phrase my question like, “What is important about this image for me (or X client?)” 

Here is what I got for the first four elements of my midlife collage: 

• Aurora Borealis - Spirit, visible Spirit, Light of Spirit, Dawn of new possibilities, Creativity
• Owl - Seeing in the dark, seeing through darkness, seeing through to the truth, Sacred Feminine, Athena, wisdom, learning
• Pinecone - esoteric symbol of the pineal gland, associated with the 3^rd eye and higher information, “mystic seed”, ancient symbol of regeneration, life in the inner realm, intent to broaden mystical view, keenly affected by light
• Garden – abundant life manifestations, growth, nature and human together as partners 

The collage, even with just the first 4 elements on it, gave me some hope that my midlife time was going to be fruitful and have a happy ending (for those who have not gone through it, it is quite a ride!) 

Over the months, I sat with these four symbols, curious when the rest would be revealed.  And then, the story continued in December of 2009, when I was guided to add a significant symbol to the back of the collage, as if it was the underlying message of the entire thing. 

To be continued…

Receiving, collage by Licia Berry, 2010

Sunday, July the 11^th is the new moon and total solar eclipse.  I hear from astrologer friends it is going to be a big one; this is confirmed by my invisible friends.  It is a new moon in Cancer, a water sign, involving family, relationships, feelings and the Sacred Feminine. 

For weeks preceding this event, I have been coming into wonderful alignment within, marveling at the information Consciousness is bringing through me for the book on Sacred Union and feeling great love for and connection with my husband after a time of challenge. It is blissful.

A couple of days before the event, I start to feel a little tension inside, a feeling of being a little less in the flow.  Fits and starts.

Sunday I ask for suggestions about how to work with the energy the most effectively, and am told to align with the energy of the eclipse, and do.  I feel the push to focus on what I want in my life, what new energy I want to bring in.  I do this.  I think about healing and love in my relationship with Peter, success and fulfillment in my work, joy with my children, healing and love for the waters and the world.   Ease and flow in my life.

We watch the world cup final and it is full of contention and conflict as one team plays dirty.  The other team, the better soccer players, win the tournament.  The octopus is right again.  Pete says 4 billion people are watching this game; it is amazing to be part of something that so many in the collective are involved in at the same time.  We bring thoughts of healing the gulf waters into this mix at this time.  I feel the beginning of a deep wave within me start to build momentum that night.

Monday, July the 12^th:  I awaken with a very sore jaw; I have been grinding my back teeth again, hard.  I feel odd, a little separate from my body.  I know this feeling; it is the feeling of something being “up” in my energy field.

I have immense release of grief and outdated energy dealing with feelings of unworthiness in the studio.  Very, very painful, racking sobs ripping from my heart, holding my head.  I am stunned by the depth of this wound, the message that I am bad, unworthy of love, a waste of space, a bother, etc.  This goes back too far for me to remember the origin of it, prior to age 2. I realize that all of my life I have been trying to prove that wrong while secretly believing it.  At times, it has felt like trying to hold back the tide with my finger in the dyke, and today I have to give in to the pain of this internalized feeling about myself.  It is what I have tried to hold myself above forever, the thing I would not let myself feel.

July 13^th:   I am very scattered in my energy, have trouble hearing intuitively when it is usually so easy.  Trying to do work is almost impossible.  I give up and ask what is going on, and am told that major energy movement has occurred in my system due to the release and that I am re-making myself.  The falling apart in order to be put back together in a new, improved way.  It feels like chaos.  I choose to be very easy on myself for the rest of the day.

July 14^th:  Awaken with sore jaw again, but feeling more “together”, as if the parts that were scattered about yesterday have come into a more seamless alignment.  I have profound awareness of and write about the imbalanced masculine within me and its efforts to prove wrong that I am unworthy through competitive behavior, seeking outer approval from the world, the pushing drive to be seen and be shown through physical evidence that I am loved. I see a tough little boy with his arms crossed and a defensive, protective scowl on his face. 

My inner masculine is so concerned about the outcome; he has a feeling of panic for his survival –All about the outer drive to succeed, to “make it”, to get the outcome, rather than the focus of being in the moment and revealing the message that is truth in my heart.  He is my internalized father, the one who pushes and forces, rather than acts in accordance with the feminine’s knowing.

I have made out-of-balance decisions from this place; this has led to things occurring that did not serve me in the end.  I have made some choices through this filter that had unpleasant consequences, such as pushing my divine timing.  I cry with grateful tears for this knowing, and wrap this wounded inner masculine up with Great Mothers arms within.  He needs love so much.  I rock him.  Hush, child…..heal, child.  Shhhhh.  In the feelings of being safe in the arms of the Sacred Feminine, my imbalanced inner masculine calms; he lets go of the need to prove himself as worthy.  Suddenly it doesn’t matter if I am successful, known, recognized, famous, fulfilling my purpose by reaching lots of people, etc.  I am overcome with feelings of love and connection.

As I drive to the studio, I have trouble focusing on the act of operating the car because I am having distinct sensations of being All That Is, the knowing of the truth of this, that I could say “Wake Up, Dreamer” and I, along with all of physical reality, would cease to exist. A feeling of death approaching, or the end of some existence….the threshold is close.  Looking back on my life as if it were a story or a dream, with fondness.  It is all okay.

July 15^th:  Another awareness of the pain in my life as a great teacher, including this year with a girlfriend that has triggered feelings of betrayal (this has happened over and over in my life).  Again as I am driving to the studio, I thank her out loud for being a teacher, for she has brought to my attention my core mother wound; she has been of service in this way.  I set the intention to heal my core mother wound from the inside out.  Perhaps she and I have helped each other with this mother stuff.  Interestingly, I am also guided to set intentions around receiving from the universe. 

Also very thankful for those who came into my life not bearing pain, but love and acceptance…I have learned and am learning much from them, as well.  I think I am moving towards learning in that way as much if not more than in the painful way. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be painful to learn.

I must be one powerful, big Being to have signed one for so many lessons in this life!  I’m smiling as I write this, feeling appreciation for myself and a sense of humor about it all.  I guess it’s true I like to learn.

I’m aware that the collective energy has been very intense these last weeks and days, but that every one has a different journey.  I do feel there is a common thread, though; I think it’s that we are being grown, being brought into more and more integrity with our true nature, being “pruned” of the things that aren’t in alignment with our authentic soul and expression.  If I allow this, open to it, flow with it, I find this kind of support to be a beautiful expression of how All Creation loves me with the tenderest of hearts.  It feels like coming Home.

I have been invited recently to come pick blueberries on a fellow’s farm in south Georgia; he planted several hundred blueberry bushes several years ago, intending to create a retirement business for himself.  For whatever reason, he instead invites folks to come help themselves to his blueberries for free. 

My own history with harvesting food from the land is long and varied; we had a vegetable garden as I was growing up, one of the things my mother did very well.  Later, I would become interested in gardening organically and growing from the land as a means to be self reliant.  It was something I realized I loved, as each year the garden would get bigger and I would enthusiastically can and freeze food to winter us over.  At our Asheville place, we had an organic mini-farm that included vegetables, herbs, fruit orchard, and blueberries.

I have not gardened for some years due to the moving about we’ve done in our spiritual journey (www.berrytrip.us).  I tried gardening in Colorado, and did great with the cold weather stuff, but found the lack of heat in the summer to be uninspiring, as did my tomato plants.

There is something so delightful to me about accepting food directly from the land.  It feels like an offering, a bestowing of blessings, to have the warm, heavy ripeness of a tomato fall into your hand, or feel the vibrancy of a yellow squash fresh off the vine.  Picking peaches, plums or apples from the tall trees was like stealing candy from a baby…free food falling out of the sky!  What a gift nature gives us in this simple pleasure.

I was reminded of my joy in this uncomplicated interchange when I accepted the invitation and met our friends out in the wilds of the blueberry fields.  Row upon row of tall bushes, groaning with blueberries greeted me.  My inner kid got so excited…Where to start? 

I was moved spontaneously to reach up and touch the first bush I came to, and to thank it.  Tears sprang to my eyes as I accepted the berry that came easily into my fingers, yielding to the slightest touch.  It was ripe.  Ah, life is good.

It was that day that I was shown yet another lesson from nature, this time from the blueberries. 

Nature is a perfect teacher, if we will but pay attention.  Nature is in perfect balance, self corrects when something is changed in the system, is neutral in its politics, and gives us so much support that we take for granted.  I fell in love with nature as my teacher very young; it was safe, honest, and direct.  I’ve been grateful to be reminded over my life of this precious guide and resource.

On this day, the blueberries reminded me of a concept I have been taught over and over, but perhaps haven’t fully integrated: “Go Where the Love Is.”   

As I picked through the hot, humid morning, I noticed that some of the blueberries in a cluster would come off easily into my hands, while others were more resistant to let go.  The riper the blueberry, the easier it releases from the stem.  It is Nature’s way of protecting a species from dying out…the ripe fruit (or vegetable) will come away from its Source as if agreeing to go with us, whereas the fruit that isn’t done coming to optimal fruition will cling to its Source, like a child holding to it’s mama in preschool.  “Noooooo!  I’m not ready yet!”  Brilliant.  Nature’s built-in boundaries. 

And yet, we can ignore this gentle limit-setting.  We can pick the fruit before it is ripe, we can make a baby be born before it is optimal, we can force our way into a community and expect to be welcomed.  We force the unripe fruit, and Nature has one less blueberry to bring to its fullest expression (and we eat unripe fruit and get a tummy ache).

As I watched this phenomenon over the morning, it translated into pictures of times in my own life when I have tried to force a situation to work when it just wasn’t meant to be.  We are free will beings, after all…we can ignore the good advice and example that nature provides us and free-will ourselves right into a big mess.  If we aren’t paying attention to those subtle signals that something is not ripe for us, we can put ourselves in situations that are challenging, even unnecessarily toxic or hurtful.

As I reflected on times in my life when I have picked the unripe blueberry, whether to try to make a situation work, or to “heal” someone that didn’t want to be healed, or to be friends with someone that was not a good fit, I realized that these situations were all very like wanting to be loved when love is not in the room.  Then came words to translate the experience so that my mind could integrate what my body already knew.  Go where the love is.

Once again Nature shows me, gently and without pomp or circumstance, how to live life in alignment and balance.  How to move with ease and grace in this world.  Nature as the model, Nature as my ideal, patient way-shower.

Pick the ripe berry, the one that falls easily into your hand.  If there is resistance, pause.  Don’t go further with that until there is a sign of ripening.   Things that are not good for you will be harder to interface with, like the unripe berries will resist being plucked.  If it is harder to pull into your grasp, leave it…. and go to the ripe berry.  Go where the love is. 

I debuted my art show last night, “The Journey of the Masculine through Shadow and Light” at my studio here in Tallahassee.  A part of the installation was a story that I channeled that morning and printed up, placing it underneath the 50 images that comprised this show.  I believe I was guided to make this art and to bring through this story in order to create a book.  However, I want to share The Story with you now. 

“Once upon a time, there was peace. 

The Masculine principle desired to expand its knowing of itself.  It began by making choices; these choices compressed All of Creation, towards the end of the Masculine knowing itself. 

The compressions resulted in the Masculine principle fracturing the world.  Manifestations included the subjugation of nature and the Masculine principle’s partner, the Feminine. 

In coming to know itself, the Masculine revealed the need for balance. 

All of Creation supported, in love, the Masculine’s desire to know itself.  All of Creation was in agreement with the expressions of the out-of-balance world that the Masculine created.  So, when the time came to correct the imbalance, the Feminine stepped in to bring balance. 

The Feminine principle held the space within which the Masculine began to mend the fractures.  The Feminine invoked the powers of balance to assist in the mending.  The return created a stirring in the hearts of humankind, which opened a door to a side of themselves they had forgotten. 

The return of the Feminine created a choice – to continue in the imbalance, or to embrace a new wholeness.  The choice became more and more apparent as the worlds collided; friction, the result of two coming together to become one, was the medium to invoke the choice. 

The friction became so prevalent as to capture All of Creation’s interest.  Spectators and supporters attended the Great Re-Balancing; across the farthest reaches The Story was felt and held.  The love that emanated from All Creation provided an alchemical support which increased the intensity of the friction. 

The increased friction acted like sandpaper, destroying old patterns.  Cleansing and re-ordering became the way of life.  The new wholeness was achieved through the union of the Feminine and the Masculine principles. 

Balance again reigned.”

What was interesting to me was that this channeled story has a happy ending, as if from a larger perspective, all of the pain and suffering that has resulted from the break between the masculine and feminine were just part of the “play”, and that in the end it really is just experience. 

However, the 50 images I was guided to create tell a different story…in graphic detail, I was shown over and over the fracturing and the pain and subjugation mentioned in The Story, yet there was no happy ending in the 50 images.  I was told that the human version of the story is told by the images, and that we’re not at the end yet.

I was so grateful for the considered questions and responses that folks had.   One man whispered quietly to me, “Thank you for not blaming the men for everything.”  It broke my heart, and made me glad I have access to another version of the story.

A flood of work is coming through me, and it seems to be very much in examination of the dynamic between the feminine and the masculine, both within each of us and in the collective whole.  I am beginning to see that part of my soul’s desire on the earth is to bring healing to the masculine through the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.  I am brought to tears with this knowing. 

all contents copyright Licia Berry, 2010

"Peace Maker", collage by Licia Berry, 2006

the intelligence and practicality of acknowledgement

by Licia Berry,  June 2007, originally published at www.liciaberry.com

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~e.e. cummings

In our personal healing process, we are often encouraged to love all parts of ourselves; we are frequently told that loving What Is, unconditionally, is the path to freedom and enlightenment.  But, actually loving What Is can be too much of a s-t-r-e-t-c-h sometimes, so acknowledgment of What Is can be the next best target….

What does acknowledging What Is mean?  If we aren’t able to actively love What Is, aren’t we already at least acknowledging it by default?

Nope; most of us are either actively denying What Is or resisting What Is by wishing it were different.  Think about it; when I look at something and judge it as being not the way I want it, in effect I am negating its existence in my life.  Whether it is adipose tissue on the body, or the behavior of another, the traffic or the weather, or the way you feel in that moment, or some old pain that needs releasing, if we judge it we are saying, “Go away.  You are not the way I want you.”  If I am expending energy wishing What Is was “what’s not”, I am tying my energy up that could be spent in moving forward if I would simply acknowledge and recognize what I am so busy denying or resisting.  Whew, did you follow that?  Acknowledgment is a choice, just as loving is a choice. 

 Here is an example: Eileen Caddy, co-founder of the Findhorn community in Scotland, has been an internationally respected leader in the consciousness movement.  However, she fought and resisted her own aging process, even saying to others that she wanted to die before her body became old and dependent on others.  She was impatient and grim and unhappy about her body’s aging and shared her discontent with everyone.  Eventually she was forced to give up her resistance to What Is (we do indeed age), and she surrendered.  As soon as she accepted What Is, she relaxed and became happy again.  Her considerable energies were no longer tied up in fighting the inevitable, and she was again able to come into flow with the well-being of the universe.  Here is an article about her awareness: 

Eileen Caddy – Surrendering To Age

Despite our best attempts, glossing over, pretending, suppressing and denying What Is just doesn’t work.  We may have a measure of success for a time, but at what cost and to what end?  We must eventually face the truth of where we are at some point.  AND, it helps to move us forward from our discomfort if we acknowledge and recognize What Is.  There is some magic, some alchemy that occurs when we quit hiding from What Is.  Acceptance of What Is is the key that unlocks compassion for ourselves, and opens the door for our normal, healthy energy to flow. 

How much energy do we expend by pretending something is not the way it is, or by suppressing something under the surface of our psyche, or by actively fighting against how we feel?  I came across an article that affirms what I know (from my own experience as well as what I hear from the angelic realm) about the nature of healing and freedom and happiness….

“Name that feeling: You’ll feel better…Naming emotions makes them less intense, scientists say”

In essence this article states that there is now scientific evidence that naming and talking about our feelings assists us in moving forward in our process and gaining self-understanding and peace.  It actually frees our energy up to acknowledge and be with What Is because we are not longer expending energy denying What Is.  How does this work energetically in the human energy field?

If you consider a healthy human energy field, there is openness and movement; we allow the well-being that is everything to flow through us uninterrupted.  In a stream, the water and all that depend on it is nourished if it remains free-flowing.  The flow must continue to ensure the health of the stream.  However, if something blocks or constricts the flow, stagnation begins to occur.  I observed this while hiking in Arizona and came across a lovely brook which had been blocked by a fallen tree; where there had been clear water upstream, here forced against the side of the decaying tree was a dam of branches and refuse, and pockets of smelly, green scum.  It was an illustration of what happens when something impedes the progress of an otherwise healthy energy flow; the progress becomes sluggish, sometimes getting down to just a trickle or to no movement at all.  This is when the human energy field, like the stream, gets into some trouble. 

But if I had pretended that the block to the flow in the stream was not there, I could not have lifted parts of the dead tree to allow some water to flow through.  I had to first look the situation in the eye and say, “Yes, I see you”, before I could remedy it.

When we are clinging to an old idea that no longer serves us, or suppressing old pain that needs to be acknowledged, or pretending a situation that is occurring really isn’t, we are in a very real way blocking the flow of goodness, ease and well-being in our own energy fields.  We are also missing out on the wisdom that can be harvested from whatever the situation offers us.  In our insecurity or attempt to control, we deny What Is and may unwittingly manifest mental disorders, or emotional symptoms, or physical issues.  As the Angels remind me, everything is energy and all imbalances begin in the subtle energy fields; if the imbalances are not addressed, they descend in vibration into the mental, emotional and physical bodies.  I can assure you from my own experience that it is much easier to address something in the subtle energy body than it is to reverse it out of the physical!  

“You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain and learn to accept it, not as a curse or punishment but as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The Angels remind me frequently we must acknowledge and release What Is in order to move forward and embrace a new choice or reality.  They say it is a fact of being in a human body that we must vent out to open up space inside ourselves, that we must recognize What Is before we can let it go and make room for fresh, new energy to flow in.  This can be a hard thing to do, especially when what we are trying not to face is painful.  But there is no other way.

Something I am experiencing in my own life is the death of an old and limiting idea of myself.  I was unwilling to let this idea go because it was comfortable; I was used to it.  But I was challenged to expand my idea of myself, and this meant letting go of the old identity.  If I didn’t let go of the old identity, I would not make room for the new one and the subsequent expansion of experience in my life that would come flowing in with the new identity.  As I successfully acknowledge the impulse to grow, miracles are occurring in my life.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

It is so true!!!  In order to grow, I had to be willing to open and bloom.  Otherwise, I would only be hurting myself.

In this current global cycle (initiated in June 2007), we are experiencing phenomenal death/rebirth opportunities, where we are being shown the things in our lives that aren’t working so well anymore and being given the chance to let them go and embrace a new vision.  If we aren’t willing to acknowledge what is ready to be released, we miss the opportunity to live the lives we were meant to live.

But don’t misunderstand; I am not advocating that we get stuck in the muck and mire of our pain, either!  I have seen folks at the other end of the spectrum, wallowing in their issues and pain to the extent that they do not move forward.  They become so identified with their problems that they become their problems!  Do you know any healing junkies?  They are so busy working through their issues that they are forgetting to live their life?  Remember the Angels say that we are meant to enjoy the journey!  Being stuck in the pain is just as out-of-balance as avoiding it entirely; it is the other end of the pendulum swing.  Being with What Is is not about beating something to death…in my experience, getting stuck in the wash cycle of it is just as painful (if not more) than dealing with it, whatever it may be.  Being with What Is entails living the delicate balance between acknowledgement of the issue and simultaneously pointing our nose in the direction of freedom and happiness. 

So, are you feeling the presence of something that is hindering the flow of happiness in your life?  Are you feeling stuck or like you are missing out on the joy you came here to experience?  How do you move forward into the glorious flow of well-being again?  Here are the steps that I have experienced and incorporated into my process, given to me by the Angels:

1.     Well, step number one is not to judge yourself for feeling this way.  Self-judgment is just another form of resisting What Is.  So stop!  This step alone may get you unstuck and moving forward again.  Why?  Because it is being with What Is.  It is acknowledging what is really happening, rather than wanting it to be different.  There is something about that being with What Is that just transforms energy, all by itself.  It is the same thing as being fully present.  Have you ever experienced someone really listening to you, with full presence?  That act alone can be enough to remedy whatever is going on. 

2.     The next thing is to consciously choose joy.  I do this by saying aloud, “I choose lightness of being, happiness and joy in my life.”  I really focus on feeling it in my body when I say this.

3.     The last thing is to know what is getting you stuck.  This means looking it in the eye and saying, “I see you” (like the dead tree in the stream).  Sometimes this isn’t necessary, but other times it can be very informative to know what is tripping you up.  I like to know because I want to uproot the problem so it won’t trip me again, and so I can learn from it.  I do this by saying aloud, “I choose to know what it is that is causing me discomfort right now.”  And then I listen.  Between my wise body, my intuition and my communication with the Angels, I am told pretty quickly where the imbalance started.  Once I know what I’m dealing with, I very purposely acknowledge it, then bless it for what it has brought to me in my life (VERY important).  Then I release it through my intention to do so.     

You might ask, “Why go straight to choosing joy first before finding the problem?  Doesn’t it make more sense to look for the imbalance first and then choose the joy?  Well, that’s the way I used to look at it, too, until I got a little talking-to from Archangel Raphael (ahem….a frequent occurrence):

“When there is a water leak in your house, doesn’t the plumber first turn off the water before finding the leak?  Otherwise the water continues to pour out and you have a flooded house!  Choosing joy first is like turning off the water (in this metaphor).  Choosing joy paves the way for you to find peace with whatever is bothering you.  Then it makes sense to hunt the “leak”.  Sometimes it is not necessary to know why you have allowed an imbalance inside of yourself…..although it is helpful for some of you.  But recognizing and being with What Is is acknowledging you have a flood going on and turning off the water, thus enabling you to move forward.”

What I know is that it is truly compassionate to accept those aspects of our lives that cause us to feel unhappy….and only by being with them and acknowledging their existence can we begin to change things.  Inevitably when we extend a loving embrace to those parts of ourselves that we may not relish, they stop making so much noise and disruption and finally integrate into our wholeness.  But until we can actually love them, we must first acknowledge them.  I also know it is just good sense and plain practical to be with What Is if my desire is to grow and be happy.  Being with What Is then becomes a simple matter of doing what it takes to ensure my well being.

“We’re asking you to trust in the Well-being. In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing. In positive expectation there is thrill and success. In pessimism or awareness of what is not wanted, there is nothing. What you’re wanting to do is redefine your relationship with the Stream. We do not ask you to look at something that is black and call it white. We do not ask you to see something that is not as you want it to be and pretend that it is. What we ask you to do is practice moving your gaze. Practice changing your perspective. Practice talking to different people. Practice going to new places. Practice sifting through the data for the things that feel like you want to feel and using those things to cause you to feel a familiar place. In other words, we want you to feel familiar in your joy. Familiar in your positive expectation, familiar in your knowing that all is well, because this Universe will knock itself out giving you evidence of that Well-being once you find that place.”

-Abraham-Hicks

Colorado Sky, by Peter Berry

April 21, 2010

Memphis Airport

Traveling by plane always makes me so philosophical.  Well, more philosophical.  There is something about being up in the sky that is a mind blower to me, and thus invites my thoughts to wander farther then usual.

When I was maybe 4 years old, I was taken on my first airplane ride to New Jersey to see my Great Grandmother.  What I remember about that ride is looking out at the clouds in absolute wonder and delight.  Having attended a Christian preschool, I announced to my mother that this was where God lived, and I believed it; the magnificence of the clouds in the sky took my breath away even then.  I also thought the clouds would taste great with my coke.

Over the years I have developed a fear of flying.  (My fight to stay on earth and claim my life became more of an attachment…I always do that pendulum swing, it seems.  Explore this reality, go in the opposite direction and experience that reality…you know, just to make sure I cover it all while I’m here.)  I have felt myself pulling away from earth and experienced what little ones must experience when they are pulled away form their mamas at preschool; a true sense of anxiety and panic about being separated from what holds and supports me.   

But the clouds will sometimes distract me in my despair, and I will lose myself in the wonder of them, even if for a few moments. 

I had a new experience just now as I was up in the clouds between Tallahassee and Memphis, my plane changing point.  As I moved up, I made a choice to let go of the earth and trust…and in that moment, I felt a clear sense of Great Father pulling me up into the sky.  Yes, I said pulling me up.  I don’t think the plane could have descended one bit with that magnetic pull going on.

Yes, I realize that there was not a magnet pulling up on the plane.  It was so interesting and wonderful to me to feel this in my body, to feel a sense of what Great Father feels like, and for the sky to be His domain.  It made me remember that some indigenous peoples say “Father Sky and Mother Earth”.  Suddenly that made sense to me.

There was something in that moment that was reminiscent of my childhood, when I was so clear that God lived up in this beautiful blue and white magical place.  I felt a similar sense of wonder and awe, like the door of my heart opened in an old way, and the sky returned to its place there.

Anybody else been rocked to the core in the last coupla weeks?  Last coupla months?  Last coupla years?  I mean, REALLY; I keep thinking it can’t get any more intense, but then it DOES, and I am left working with every tool in my PEMS (physical, emotional, mental spiritual) first-aid tool kit.  Is it just me, or are we moving forward at warp speed, sluffing off everything that’s not firmly latched down as we go hurtling into the future?

The image above is of the recent Icelandic volcanic eruptions, complete with amazing lightning striking into the volcano.  It’s not unusual or anything for that to happen due to the super-charged particles being emitted during eruptions…but I thought THAT’S a good picture of what it feels like is happening right now…Sure, a volcano is erupting, but just for good measure, we’re going to throw some kickin’ lightning bolts into the mix!    Just to make sure they’re paying attention!

For me, it has been a time recently of illusions being shattered…no, that’s not strong enough a word…exploded from the inside, down to the root of where I hold them.  Like dynamite bring thrown down a hole in a mountain, and the whole mountain goes KABLAM.  Yeah, that’s more like it.  No more mountain.  Mountain go bye-bye.

I KNOW it’s for my greater good to be illusion free….I KNOW we are evolving as a human consciousness and I KNOW we can’t carry our baggage with us where we are going.  But JEEEZZ. 

Next, I wanna see Godzilla stomping through the picture.  And the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.