Archive for the ‘licia’s observations’ Category

Soul Surrender, collage by Licia Berry 2007 (click on image for larger view)

“Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…”

-round sung in sacred women’s circles, composer unknown

Sometimes we get so busy in our lives, moving in the direction we want to go, creating and doing, and sometimes things are going pretty well.  We are going along…

And then we get the spiritual 2 by 4 upside the head.

What happened?  The circumstances change…a job loss, a relationship crisis, an illness, or some other startling attention getter.  I thought I was doing good things.  I thought things were fine.  I thought things were the way I thought they were…

I have experience with this one.  Moving in a direction, thinking I am in alignment with myself…but what is really happening is that I am being driven by some part of myself that thinks it knows what’s best for me, and that part of myself is operating out of alignment with the LARGER me.  I will call that larger me “Soul” for the purposes of this exploration.

I know for a fact that we can create a life out of alignment with our soul; I have seen others do it, and I have almost done it.  Well, I guess there are degrees…I have seen some folks who seem to be creating WAY out of the ballpark of soul intention, and I have observed myself trying to create within a certain range of my soul’s intention, but not being spot on. 

Apparently, in my case, it is important to be spot on.

When I get the spiritual 2X4, I’m inclined to sit still and listen.  When I have had this situation in the past, it has been a most fortuitous course correction for me.  To my credit, I don’t get knocked down, dust myself off and hop up to continue whatever I was doing.  I do change course.  As long as I am listening.

Listening seems to be a feminine trait…and by feminine, I mean Sacred Feminine.  Doing and forging forward are things that feel masculine to me, or left brain.  To sit and be still, and listen…I only found my ability to do this when I remembered my right brain, or feminine self. 

The last time this happened for me personally was when I broke my right (masculine) ankle…it served to gain my attention in ways that other smaller attention getters had not.  You can bet that I made a promise with myself that I would catch these course corrections served up on a silver platter when they were more subtle messages.  No more broken bones for me, thank you.  I pay attention much more closely now to those whispers, those animals that stray across my path, the words a friend says in passing…I have my nose to the wind, almost all the time.  But we all have our blind spots, so it is important to set aside time to sit still and listen.

What does it feel like to listen, to be still and know?  It feels like coming home.  It feels like the return into the arms of the most wonderful, loving parent.  It feels like being in the lap of goodness, or with the most trusted friend.  I experience my soul/spirit as so knowing and wise and loving, it is hard to believe I would ever NOT want to listen.

But I know…We get caught up in our ideas of what we want to do, or are driven by fear or attachment or some other egoic construct to behave in ways that take us further and further away from that pure intent that our soul has for us.  And the kind and beneficent universe reminds us where our balance lies, and we are given the opportunity once again to be still and know.

Sage- A Tribute to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, collage by Licia Berry, 2009 (click on image for larger view)

Last night in my nightly bedtime guidance sessions, I was guided to visualize myself in right relationship with my power.  This is not the first time I have explored what authentic, rightful power means.  Perhaps it is the central issue I have worked around my whole life.

I’ve resisted the idea of “power” for many years like many others who were not in their power.  I thought power meant being mean, unkind, dominant, just like I observed as a child in my own home or at school when the bullies would exert their will on others.  To me, power was a dirty word.

But in the last few years, as I have aged and come more into my own feelings of acceptance for myself and my unique way of viewing the world, I have felt my understanding of true power change.  I feel authentic power being a core sense of Self with a capital “S”, and living from that place.

What does that look like?  To me, it is walking in the world with confidence and grace, unflappable, loving self and all creation, fearlessly looking inward to traverse the inner landscape and harvest the wisdom, and from that deep well of inner knowing, offering to others what we have learned.   It is inner balance, the ecstatic union of my inner Sacred Feminine and inner Divine Masculine.  It is knowing our place in the connectedness of the Web of Life, feeling our own part of the puzzle as well as our wholeness.  It is a feeling, more than action, I think.  When I feel into it, it feels like claiming my body and the earth, loving my life, being the truth of an inspirited human.

What does power look like to you?

She's Coming...collage by Licia Berry, 2010

When I made this piece last month (click on the image above to see larger), I was utterly fascinated by it.  Utilizing an old advertisement for “The 50 Ft. Woman” film, I cut carefully around this epic female and placed her in the remote and rocky landscape of the Four Corners area of the American southwest, one of my old stomping grounds.

What has surprised me is how captivated I still am.  When I look at this image, I feel excitement, expectancy, recognition.  I feel it in my body. 

I have walked the ground in this place.  I lived in the southwest for 10 out of my 45 years, enough to get a feel for the magic and history and intensity of this area of our country.  The openness of the skies feels like a direct connection to spirit; the color of the ground and rocks are like an artist’s canvas (have you ever seen pink and purple dirt before?); the quality of light in the dry air makes everything so clear.  There is nothing like it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I live there for more of my remaining time on the planet; it gets in your blood and in your mind, and calls to you when you are away.

So when this immense woman wanted to be placed in this sacred location, I wasn’t too surprised; what HAS me rapt is the story that is unfolding in my consciousness through this image.

I’ve known for some time (eons?) that the Sacred Feminine enjoyed Her place in the sun on this earth thousands of years ago, then needed to go underground as human consciousness explored the imbalance of power of the immature masculine.  The whispering of this tale started as I began to have children; the keys in my own body began to unlock this ancient knowing as I felt Her awaken.  The awareness has continued to hit home in more conscious ways as I grow older and more trusting of my body and its messages to me.  

I have also learned in my shamanic and inner process work that the rocks of the earth are very much like the bones of the body; they hold memory in their dense structures.  The stone, whether it is on the surface or deep under the gaze of our eyes underground, retains the knowing of what has transpired here.  In indigenous knowing, the “rock people” are said to speak to those who will listen.  I’ve been listening to the rocks for some years now.  They speak slowly, and they are wise.  They are some of my most trusted elders.

This is what has been whispered to me: from the lore of old, a primeval tale begins to spin from the weaver’s web.  The ancient story goes: She of the earth, and the body and the feminine ways of knowing, She-the other half of existence- retreated to the far, remote places due to the imbalance that human consciousness explored.  It wasn’t safe to express Her; many, many lives were lost to drive home the point that She was not wanted any longer.  

And so, She became of the rocks and earth again, She backed away, retreating to the subconscious, a distant memory that has almost faded to nothingness.  And She waited.  Buried under the ground, buried in the depths of the black void of the earth, buried in the cells of our bodies and the collective mind.  Until there were enough of us to hold Her memory again, to bring Her back to life on this earth, to embody Her consciousness again and bring the earth into balance. 

I look at this image and I feel Her eyes open, the crust of sleep falling as pebbles from her eyelashes.  While the ravens caw and circle overhead, I feel Her stiff body disengage from the womb of earth that held Her tenderly and securely while She slept.  While the mountain lion gazes comfortably from its rocky perch, I feel Her stretch under the power of the enlivening sun, the kiss of Great Father, who blesses, welcomes and heralds Her return.  And I feel her intent as She strides across the vast desert floor, the weight of Her immense body shaking the very ground as She walks.  She has a date with the people of earth.

This image, born of my own subconscious, tells me that She is re-born out of memory, and into waking life.  She of the earth, the rocks, cradled while She went to sleep (out of necessity), has been awakened and has re-emerged in humanity’s consciousness.  And She’s coming.

Along the lines of self love and ceasing the habit of judging ourselves, I love what Joseph Bruchac writes in his wonderful book, Our Stories Remember. 

He speaks of a conversation with a friend who asks him if he is carrying around any guilt.  When Joe answered no, he didn’t think so, his friend said, “Brother, that’s good…One of my (Cheyenne) elders asked me once what you should do with a cup of water that is not good to drink.”  He then made the motion of pouring liquid from a cup out onto the ground.  

This is a great story and illustration of what to do with those old thoughts and feelings that are not helping us live our lives in a joyful way.  There comes a time when it is more supportive to let go of something than to hang on.  By pouring out the stagnant contents of your cup, you are then able to hold it out empty and fill it with something life affirming!

I was drawn to the Star card as I was thinking about pouring water on the ground and how that relates to the New Moon (which was on Monday) and the Spring Equinox (which is on Saturday).  Interestingly, I found references to all of the energy I am encountering right now:

“With Aquarius as its ruling sign, The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench the Querent’s thirst, with a guiding light to the future.” Source: http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/learn/meanings/star.shtml

And may I suggest, with Spring Equinox around the corner, that we dream and imagine and visualize the future that fills us with peace?

Continued from “How DO I Love Me? (Let Me Count the Ways), Parts 1 and 2 

A Self Love Ritual

If you’ve been looking for a way to create a new spark in your relationship with yourself, a love ritual might be just the idea for you! 

Try this exercise: light a candle in a quiet room where you won’t be interrupted.  Invite your highest aspects in to the ritual to assist you (whoever you feel they may be…use your words….highest teachers, masters, angels, Source, etc.) 

Read this passage excerpted from the bible, and while reading it, feel as if the words are written for you (they are).  Imagine you are reading this to yourself, who is sitting across the flame from you.  Feel the words go into your heart.

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
-I Corinthians 13:4-8

Can you allow yourself to feel this great love for you?  Are you open to the possibility that when these words were spoken by the master Jesus, that he was indeed speaking about loving yourself unconditionally? 

Notice the feelings that come up while you read this to your Beloved Self.  What beliefs do you hold about yourself that prevent you from experiencing this kind of love?  Write them down.  Then, in this ceremonial space, set the intention to release those beliefs.  Breathe deeply with each intention to seat it in your body.  You may even want to burn those pieces of paper with the old, outdated beliefs written on them.  Then, to replace those outdated beliefs, you can set intentions to:

*Love my self unconditionally

*Experience and embody the unconditional love that I truly am

*Allow the flow of unconditional love from Prime Source to flow through me and radiate outwards to all I come in contact with

*See myself as Angelic Consciousness and Prime Source see me, and Love myself as they love me

Close the Love Ritual by thanking your Beloved Self/Prime Source/ Angelic Consciousness/all of your helpers for guiding you.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Buddha

You are a miracle. You have within you incredible power and beauty. Your inner power and beauty give you the freedom to find success (however you define it), peace, love, self-confidence, and the joy of aliveness.  It is your birthright to experience life and its deepest satisfactions.

In making those choices every day to love ourselves as we would love our child or our tenderest lover, and taking action to do sweet things for ourselves, we literally change our reality.  We feel more at peace in the world, we attract more joyful opportunities and intersections, we draw more love into our lives, and life becomes the miracle it was intended to be (and it really is!)

“i found god in myself

& i loved her

i loved her fiercely.”

- Ntozake Shange

Continued from March 14th post

So how do we joyfully surrender to loving ourselves unconditionally?

The quickest path to self love that I know is to decide it.  What I mean by that is to consciously choose to love myself.  One of the intentions I speak every day is “I choose to love my self unconditionally, and I ask my angel team to help me do that.”  Then I follow up with choices that support that intention, such as being kind to myself in little ways, smiling into my eyes in the mirror, and laughing.  For example, when faced with a choice to watch a scary movie or a funny one, I ask myself “which is more loving to me in this moment?” and most often I choose the funny one.  I feel better after laughing than I do after jumping out of my skin!

I also take myself out on “dates”.  I insist on alone time because it helps to ground and center me (this can be challenging as a member of a family of four!)  And I have begun to “court” myself…..I wear things that make my body feel good or that make me feel sexy, like something soft or with a plunging neckline, maybe pick out some extra-fancy jewelry (instead of my usual practical kind) and then I look in the mirror and say ”Ooooh baby, you are looking good tonight!”  Just the other night I was in the hot tub with my husband and surprised myself totally by kissing myself on the shoulder.  Out of nowhere!  It was completely unconscious!  I guess those self-love messages are really getting through!  I crack myself up.

I have heard that Queen Latifah made a promise to herself that she would not marry anyone until she married herself first.  She had very positive and strong female role models when she was growing up and therefore had the reflection of loving eyes and sweet encouragement.  She knows she is precious.  She loves herself so much that she bought herself a wedding ring and put it on her right ring finger, a symbol of how she chose to wed herself before wedding any other.  WOW.  Unapologetic, passionate, fierce devotion to self.  Can’t mess with that!

When you think about it, on this earth we are all we’ve got. Yes, for a time we may have a beloved in a relationship, or children to dote on, or friends to laugh with, but we know that things change and that we are left with our own precious self in the end.  Therefore, speaking practically, it is a good investment to start loving yourself NOW!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

-Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900

What does Self-Love mean?

Does it mean you get to eat ice cream every night just because you want it?  Well, sure, as long as you love the possible consequences of that choice!  Sometimes the choices we make are out of a place of NOT loving ourselves.  Are you making choices out of self love or self loathing?

Just as a lack of self-love has a vibration, so does unconditional self-love. It has a quiet, steady radiance which draws others to its light.  I define self-love as a deeper, quieter love; that you hold yourself in the way you would hold a baby or your sweetest lover…so tenderly.  And this is because you realize that you truly are a Child of the Universe, and the Lover of the Sacred.

And we aren’t talking halfway here!  Unconditional love is true love, love without limitations, conditions, or reservations.  This means loving ALL aspects of yourself, not just the ones that are “nice”, or more “spiritual”, or “attractive”.  You learn to love every aspect of yourself, even the ones you might think of as “negative”.  The universe is full of the balance of positive/negative, dark/light, up/down, hot/cold…..it is the nature of things to have balance, and all things that exist are here for a reason, including all of the aspects of YOU.  Any unloved aspects of the self will cry out for love in ways that can keep you bound to the inner and outer drama.

But if we aren’t taught to love ourselves, how do we begin to turn the tide and feel genuine caring for all parts of ourselves?  Self-love doesn’t happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to choose to create it. Some things that I choose to remember are:

* Knowing that I am more than my physical body…I am very clear that I am an infinite being who chose to come here for the fabulous experience of playing and creating in physical reality.  I love my physical existence and the opportunity to be here in this life.

* Knowing I am a powerful co-creator.  I have the power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility I have and the greatest opportunity.

* Knowing that I am always in process and always becoming.  I honor where I am in my process without judgment.

* Knowing that my feelings are powerful indicators of what I am creating, and therefore valuable information.  I treasure my feelings and I respond to them with reverence.   They are indeed part of my inner guidance system.  I honor my feelings and act from them, even if it means setting a limit with someone or saying “no”.

 Part 3 tomorrow…A SELF-LOVE Ritual

originally published in January 2007 at www.liciaberry.com

“I don’t like myself, I’m CRAZY about myself!”

-Mae West, 1892-1980

I wonder what the world would be like if we all felt this way?  If we could all say genuinely, without reservation, “I am crazy about myself!”

If you are one of the fortunate people who already understand and implement the powerful choice to love yourself and enjoy the vast benefits, then you are ahead of most of humanity on the learning curve.

But many of us recoil in horror at the thought.  “That would be egotistical!” “I would be embarrassed to say that.”  Or, “That would be selfish and arrogant!”  We were certainly not taught to love ourselves; in fact most of us were taught to put love of others over love of ourselves, and this is why we see the pain that is prevalent.  It is truly not possible to love others from a place of non-love for self.  If everyone loved themselves, it would be a very different world.

What if I were to challenge that voice inside that rejects the idea of self love by saying that the universe is literally made of love?  Do you doubt it?  What other force but love could explain the sheer generosity that made everything?  What other force but love could cause the grass to grow effortlessly, and the sun to shine every day, and the infinite diversity of consciousness that sprawls all over the universe?  You are Source energy!  How is it possible that you could be unlovable?  Grass does not doubt itself and slump over, refusing to grow, and a flower does not feel self loathing and decide it is not worthy to shine its face to the sun.  All there is….is love….or the rejection of it.  How are you rejecting love in your life?  What better place to start to see love in the world than inside ourselves?  How could we possibly have any effective measure of influence on the love in the world if we don’t love ourselves first?

And what if I were to take that a step further and tell you that to truly love everyone else, you MUST take care of yourself first, otherwise you have nothing to give?  I love the quote from Esther Hicks when she channeled Abraham:

“Be ultimately selfless in being ultimately selfish by saying that I care so much about you that I will insist on being in my place of utter connection so that I have something to give you…..because if I do not tend to that, I do not have anything to give you, and if I do tend to that, then I have everything to give you.”

Part 2 tomorrow…So how do we joyfully surrender to loving ourselves unconditionally?

pricking the crusty scab over the wound in my heart…letting it bleed

I must…there is no alternative if I want to be an alive, pliable, feeling human being

a moment’s courage to stick the needle of my consciousness in

please, hold my hand, Greater Self

and it’s done.  see, it only hurt for a moment

~

ahhh, the relief of letting it flow

the cleansing tears, the exorcizing of little demons in the dark corners of my psyche

the ones that have held court, whispering lies into my ears,

stringing nets and springing traps

grabbed up by the rush of cleansing waters from the genuine soul

lifted by the torrent of feeling, they are exposed and expunged through the grand golden portal of my heart

poured out onto the stones at my feet where they flip and writhe

I feel awe and compassion as I watch them dissolve in the light of the sun

A journal entry from 10-30-09

The little boy I picked up in the labyrinth (http://liciaberry.com/blog/2009/11/10/the-boy-in-the-labyrinth/) is beginning to stir now…he has more life in him, whereas he did not seem to inhabit his body very much before.  I feel he is a personification of my power.  I am healing my power as well as exploring what authentic power looks like for myself.  As I do this, I predict I will see this little boy grow into an actualized man.  And that I will feel comfortable and confident in the world, a genuine soul expressing their authentic power, informed by the Sacred Feminine in her power.

In recent weeks, I have felt such outrage and despair about the plight of women and children who are preyed upon by those who would use their power to dominate them.  So many stories of rape and murder; it is so heinous to me.  I was worried about myself because some modern “spiritual” folk say that anger is a bad thing to feel and it “takes your vibe down”.  I find myself wanting to fight them, which of course means I am fighting a part of myself that wants to gloss over the feelings and pretend everything is okay.  I also don’t want to be one dimensional, the angry feminist who drives folks away by her intensity and ire.

But I chose to trust my body and emotions as a message to me that there was something wrong, and I let it take me down a path.  Trusting, trusting.  As I allowed my anger and expressed it in my writing and conversations, it took me to a new place. 

I saw a purple matrix on a field of black, or a Great Web, and heard “Mending the Web”, over and over, for days and now weeks.  I saw that it would be fairly simple to continue down the angry path, let it fuel itself continuously, and break the web by posting and publishing angry thoughts. 

But then I saw that it is “women’s work” to heal, to mend the breaks in the web that out-of-balance folks cut.  I understood that my original desire in the world was to heal, and that has been the case until I got angrier and harder in my heart, wanting to be acknowledged for being right and for being victimized.  It is such a tricky thing to stay on that tightrope of balanced, righteous anger that needs to be felt and expressed, or falling over into letting it consume you, become who you are.  Letting ourselves be human when we have studied spirituality can be a tricky game to play with ourselves.

As I continued with some trepidation down this path into greater room and understanding, I also saw that women who are empowered (and me) are strong enough to be the big ones, the ones who will take the first step and reach out our hands to do the mending.  Just as many wise and respected feminists have said, it is the women who must lead the coming awareness and shift in consciousness to balance.  Quietly, perhaps in some ways…..but that it is up to us to start the healing of this world. 

Spider Woman, by Susan Seddon Boulet

Then, I saw and heard “healing the masculine”.  Ah, is it not enough to heal ourselves as women, and the damage done to us at the hands of the outrageously immature masculine without (and our internalized fathers and immature masculine within)?  Perhaps we may be called to turn and heal those who have trespassed against us. 

Well, I don’t know how this will work…I sure don’t want to get in a conversation with my father and attempt to “heal” him.  I already know he doesn’t want to do that in ways that I consider healthy for him.  But, maybe by healing my own inner masculine, helping my inner masculine to grow up in a healthy balanced way, with a mature inner feminine to help him, there may be hope.

Family constellation work has shown me that there is no such thing as space and time…that healing can occur for all involved when all the factors are present.  Perhaps if I heal and mature my own inner masculine, my father in some way is released from his own pain, and healing can happen for him (and others).

But first, I must peel back the face I have placed on him, the veneer of goodness, the stories of heroism that I have projected onto him, and believed.  I must see what is underneath.  Better get out the drills, hammers and chisels.  It’s time for the idealized father to die.

So much work I have done to awaken the Sacred Feminine within me.  So much attention have I given to embodying Her, to BEING Her in this world that has been so out of kilter for thousands of years.  And that has all been right because it has brought me home to a large part of myself that is strong, deep, profound in its desire to heal and mother this world.

And in the last few months, another voice has been respectfully poking its head into my consciousness.  It feels pointed, focused, exacting, harder than the quality of energy I experience with Great Mother or the Sacred Feminine.  It is absent entirely unless I give it permission to enter my space, and then it comes in with a full force of presence, taking up room.  To my great surprise, I am told it is the voice of Great Father.

Well, it is true that I have on obsession with balance.  I know that my soul has a sense of humor because that is my maiden name.  Balance is the closest thing to a religion I could say I have.  Balance is the way of the universe, the way of nature, the way of the middle road.  I respect and want to emulate balance very much, because I believe that is the natural way that things are, and I want to be as close to that as I possibly can.

Masculine/feminine balance is also part of that duality that we see played out in physical form.  Notice I did not say men and women, but masculine and feminine, qualities of energy that play at opposite ends of a spectrum, holding the space for physicality to occur through the magnetic polarity of opposites.  This is how all physical matter is able to be in existence.

So it would make some sense that my focus on the Sacred Feminine would be so successful…that I would feel Her, embody Her, teach others how to awaken that pathway within themselves…and that would lead me to Him, the Divine Masculine.  From the strength of Her, I will come to know Him.

More to come about my resistance to the masculine, the work I am doing to remove the veneer of my internalized father from the face of the Great Father, and the success I have had recently in my new relationship with Him.