I wrote and posted this on my Facebook wall yesterday:

“You know, I love a gutsy woman. A dangerous woman! A woman that, despite the possibility that she will be misunderstood, not liked or accepted, called “unladylike”, or possibly piss people off, speaks her own experience anyway. I’m not talking about rude folks with no boundaries…no, I don’t have any tolerance for that.  I’m talking about a woman that stands in her own power with grace, and tells it like it is. Full of courage and heart, even if her knees are knocking. Woman, you have my allegiance…Sign me UP.”

It’s gotten a lot of attention through shares, “likes” and comments.  Seems that I’ve said something that some folks really resonate with.  But I wrote it for myself!

Let me explain.  I’m in the process of writing my book about  my family’s 7-year journey to find home in our hearts and heal ancestral patterns of abuse and dysfunction so that our children and those beyond them can be freer to create lives in balance.  It is a very challenging book to write because I have to tell my own life story; as the voice that this tale comes through, it is important that I come clean and that the reader knows the lenses that I perceive the world through.

But, as I write in my chair, I feel the ghosts of those who want me to stay silent standing at my shoulders.  I will not give them voice here by sharing the things the mean things they say.  But I can tell you that the fear of breaking the code and sharing the shameful secrets in my family of origin is enough to give me pause.  Hell, it’s enough to make my whole body shake with tremors and the sensation of a giant angry hand closing around my throat.

It is an age-old problem for people who grow up in abusive families to overcome the pattern of hiding the truth, and to recognize and shine light on what is broken in the family.  But it takes an extraordinary act of courage to stand up and accept the ire that inevitably comes when we break rank and speak the family pain.  And I have to negotiate with my internalized “family secret keeper”, the little girl who wanted to be loved and accepted for who she was, but who had to learn to be someone else in order to survive into adulthood.

And so, as I’m writing, the horror of my experience is spelled out in detail, in black and white.  No longer in the dark recesses of my mind, or circling back through the laundry machine of psycho-therapy, but out in the world for all to see.  And when I have the kind souls who are holding me while I undertake this sacred task read what I’ve written, I hear their stunned response, and it makes it real.  Dear God.  I lived through this, and here I am sharing my victorious return to my spirit.  I am a warrior woman.

I have every right to speak my truth, to share my experience, to reveal what would have killed a weaker spirit, to roar my emergence from the dark arms of death in my biological family, and to encourage others to do the same.  I write this book on behalf of that little girl, and on behalf of all women who are shushed, who people wish would “just be quiet”, who choose to speak their truth rather than die a silent death.  The woman that I wrote about in that Facebook post is ME.

As I continue to gather up my courage and forge ahead to finish this book, I’m going to periodically look at that post in order to remind myself of the leader I’ve become in my own life.  I was inspired by those who’d found their power and their voice in earlier years, but now I am inspiring myself.

I AM That Woman is a post from Licia Berry -

Everybody knows that sometimes you’ve got to let go of things that don’t belong in your life any more.

I was asked for advice about HOW to let go on Facebook tonight…I love questions because they draw wisdom out of me that I didn’t always know I had (thanks, Pamela)!

I have A LOT of experience in letting go…from early as a kid to just this afternoon, I have practiced this art (and science) many times, over and over and over.  And I have identified some consistent stages that come with the Letting Go Process.  ‎

How to Let Go:

1.  Get clarity on why you are letting something/someone go.  Is it because it is a negative influence, such as a drain on your energy?  Toxic to you, even?  Or maybe not quite so dramatic, more like you’re just not that into it anymore?  Good to be clear. This is so you can remind yourself later when you get tempted to go back to who/whatever it is.

2.  State the intention to let go clearly to those that will be affected, as well as to the universe.  This gets YOU lined up and does the correct and respectful thing of not “disappearing” without communicating your intentions first.  Of course, in an abusive situation, this step may not be applicable.

3.  Walk away.  Really.  Truly.  Do not look back.  Letting go means you are DONE with it.  Make that committment within yourself that you made this decision for your own well being, and stick to it.

4.  Grieve.  Process.  Even lovely things that go away still are a LOSS.  We process loss in lots of different ways, but they all are underscored by grieving, which is a natural response to loss.  Allow yourself to feel the loss, express the feelings, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

5.  It is rare, but sometimes the act of walking away from something with complete conviction will actually force the thing you left to improve and come around again in your life asking for a second chance.  If so, go back to step 1.  Has it really changed?  Feel it in your body.  Does it feel different?  Is there a possibility it could work out?  Are you willing to risk it of it doesn’t?

I find that these are steps I consistently go through when I let go in my life.  I find that the more intentionally I do them, the more it makes room for the next better thing to show up in your life!

Does it get any easier to let go?  Mmmm, maybe.  It still hurts, it is still a loss, but with repetition at least I know the stages, and seem to move through them a little faster.  I find that, with maturity, I am learning how to go through these steps with greater ease, and less hesitation.

And the reward?  FREEDOM from something that was dragging you down.  The relief (and the return of your life energy) is hard to ignore!

Good luck!

xo, Licia

The Art and Science of Letting Go is a post from Licia Berry -

(see part 1 here)

The Land Where I Come From-Hatteras

Lost, But Not Lost

According to the anthropologists and historians,

My people are obliterated, the extinct ones

Rubbed out in language, culture, ceremony

Diminished in memory, unnamed on the birth records

Unrecognized as a people, place holders in the evolution of time

A history of place washed clean in the soul-less eyes of those who
conquered,

Who took without asking.

Even in my own family, it is clung to like a lifeline

With firmness of jaw,

“We are WHITE.”

The disowning of self is a tragic suicide.

Except, my ancestors live on in my blood.

I awake at night to the sounds of the drums,

The pulses echo the Great Heartbeat.

I walk among the wild woods and hear the plants and trees
acknowledge me as I pass

They nod, “Sister”, and I to them.

I hear the rocks and mountains, groaning their old history through
their creaky, ancient voices.

They talk so slow, I have to get very still to hear them.

And I know the old ways, without knowing them.

It is inside me, in my body, in my cells

Yes, warring at times with the blood of my European lineages

I feel the conflict, the two sides of every story,

The Takers and the Ones Who Walk In Balance (my maiden name)

The irony of carrying these opposites is not lost with a name like
that, either.

I know the spirit medicine, and I am learning the medicine of how
to be in this world, at this time

How to love all, how to save us, how to honor my True Mother.

I can feel the earth express through my body

I am an extension of Her knowing.

That is the definition of Soul. I know this because my ancestors
told me.

The Earth’s memory lives on through me, and holds all that has
lived and all that will ever live.

And I walk.  As I walk, I
say to Her,

Yes, I feel your presence. I am of you, you are my Mother.

I am not extinct.

As long as She exists, my people are not extinct.

Licia Ballance Berry, copyright 2012

Blue Eyed Indian, part 2 is a post from Licia Berry -

"Intersecting Systems", oil painting by Peter Berry 2004, http://peterberry.us

I specialize in the energetic health of systems.  I’m thinking about systems all the time, whether it is the system of a client’s energetic structure, the system of my family, the system of the book I am writing, the system of the whole brain, the system of humanity as a whole, or the system of this universe, etc. I am constantly aware of the presence of systems and the various parts of the system that play their role in keeping the system alive. We are part of many systems, and the very fact that we exist is due to the system of our own bodies.

I write about systems frequently ( http://liciaberry.com/2011/01/22/seven-years/ or here http://liciaberry.com/2011/02/07/the-oldest-definition-of-health/ or here http://liciaberry.com/2011/03/23/a-little-more-time/ . My unofficial definition of a system is “a cooperation between parts, under an agreed upon intention, to make a Whole”. But I want to say more about the amazing intelligence of a system to keep itself alive.

I was asked to take a look at an organization to take the pulse of that system. This organization would like to expand, but there have been hiccups, and the organization seems to be lagging behind the desire of the leaders who are driving the expansion. My background in education, whole brain perspective, energetic work, systems theory, and shamanism lends itself to being able to identify where the imbalances are that are preventing any system from moving in the direction that is desired.

What I found was that there were limitations in this system that were preventing the organization from expanding. Why would a system be resistant to expanding? Because the expansion threatens the health of the existing system.

Like any system, the system of an organization is sensitive to the factors that are keeping the system in balance. Balance is required for the long term health of any system. All factors that keep the system healthy need to be operating in synergy and harmony, each aspect of the system needs to be doing its job, or else the system is affected negatively.

Systems are amazingly resilient, in that they will devise a way to continue to exist even if there is a breakdown in some part of the system. For example, if a kidney stops working, the system of the body make lots of noise about the problem, but will shift to accommodate the change in the system with the proper adjustments. In an organization, if a person does not do their job, the system will make adjustments to accommodate by putting the workload on other persons in the organization. Or else the organization will fail.

This is true of all systems…balance will be held together until it cannot be held together any longer. So, it behooves us to take a look at the systems we are part of to see where things are off-balance so that we can keep those systems healthy, and even expand them if we choose.

The innate intelligence of a system is so brilliant that it will not allow the system to expand if it would compromise the survival of the system.  If the system perceives that an expansion would threaten its health, it will not expand.

I find this a lot in clients; when they have an intention to grow in their business or to be successful in some larger context of their life, but they self-sabotage and cannot move forward, they get so frustrated and wonder why. It really is simple…the system of their own psyche is keeping them safe because it perceives a threat to the system’s survival. The expansion would be too much given the current condition of the system. The only way to overcome this is to balance the system so it can get the green light to move forward.  Until we correct the imbalances that are creating instability in the system, we cannot expand. We cannot override the innate survival mechanisms that are in place to keep a system alive, unless we choose to destroy the system entirely.

It was the same in this organization. The factors that were preventing the system from moving forward needed to be dealt with, namely the termination of one very dysfunctional employee and the addressing of projections and beliefs of the leaders of the organization. As these factors are dealt with, the system responds (again the inherent intelligence of the system, which is very real and very much alive) feels the change and immediately shifts, rebalances and re-stabilizes.  If the system perceives that it can move forward into an expansion, then it will do so easily because it can accommodate the expansion without compromising the health of the system.

It is fascinating to me how very intelligent the basic structures of the universe are…that the organic unfolding of creation is innately hardwired to ensure survival! And that we have the opportunity to engage with that intelligence if we so choose!

The Intelligence of Systems is a post from Licia Berry -

"Self-Regenerating Generator", Fractal Painting by Peter Berry, 2010

I love new cycles.  I enjoy bringing intention and attention to the endings and beginnings of things; it just feels holy to me to honor the passing of something old and celebrating the emergence of something new!

With that in mind, I like to consider a theme for the new calendar year as they roll around.  I have had some amazing support from Higher Consciousness in terms of suggestions at the start of my years; inevitably, the themes turn out to be predictive in quality.

I was so excited after years of outrageous growth, uncertainty and movement that 2011’s theme was “Stability” for me, and that has absolutely been the case.  I’ve had so much stabilization of my foundation this year; feeling so much more solid under my feet means I can build and grow in new, exciting ways.

However, this coming year I propose a more universal theme of “Self Love”.

I say universal because when I tune in to Higher Consciousness, I’m told that Self Love is a theme that will work for everyone, not just me…that we are entering a larger cycle and energy opportunity in which we can ALL benefit from this theme.

Let me explain what I mean by “Self Love”.  I feel that we are misinformed about what Self Love means; Self Love is not selfish or arrogant, but sane and kind.  To truly love ourselves does not mean that we will run rampant and cause chaos and destruction because we are so self-centered.

Self Love is compassionate, responsible, even.   I envision having reverence for ourselves as if we were our own beloved child, similar to how a divine source might have reverence for us.   I suspect people that grew up with conscious, loving parents know how to do this for themselves because they were treated as if they were loved unconditionally.  And yet, we can all learn how to do this…it is a choice that we can make every moment, every day.

There are 3 reasons why I feel Self Love is a worthy pursuit:

1. Reverence for ourselves as Human Beings - the fragile, animal bodies that we inhabit; the mixed up, mashed up fracas of a world we have created; the building of our lives for years and years with our hopes and dreams while the threat of death ever looms to take it all away from us…I feel we must have compassion for ourselves as we live in a world that challenges our survival!  What courage it takes to be human, to choose to live and do the best we can each day!
2. Reverence for ourselves as Spirit Embodied – Creation continues unceasingly through sheer playfulness and generosity.  Like a fractal, there is an unending unfolding of new life, new expansion, new creation.  The universal courage we must innately possess as spirits to enter this frontier, where consciousness is expanded through the playground of physical experience, played out in an infinitude of scenarios!  While our human self may live from a limited viewpoint of trying to stay alive, our spirit never forgets our immensity, our divinity, or our infinite nature, never forgets what we come from, and reminds us that we come from Love.
3. Reverence for our part in All Creation, and that Love for Self means Love for Others – Making choice to care for ourselves from a place of love means that we are enabled to make choices to love others; how we are inside is how we act outside.  It all starts with our relationship with self.  And learning to love ourselves is one of the greatest acts of service we can give to the world.

And this is where we’re at in our evolutionary development.  Humanity has fully explored separation, power over, dominance, authoritarianism, patriarchy…we’re now coming into an era of partnership, union, community, balance.  Coming into union with all creation means coming into union with ourselves.  The integration that occurs internally when we choose to stop making war on ourselves, to see ourselves as both human and spirit, and to have love for ourselves and others, is nothing less than the key to changing our lives and the world.

I invite you, as one aspect of All Creation, to join me in the choice to hold ourselves tenderly as we navigate the creation of a new cycle.  We have the chance to enhance our time on earth so much by choosing love as our mode of survival.

Many Blessings in your new year!

xoxoxo,  Licia

If I can assist you in determining a supportive personal theme for your 2012, contact me to set up your individual session!  

2012- The Year of Self Love is a post from Licia Berry -