My Journey through the July 11^th New Moon and Eclipse

Receiving, collage by Licia Berry, 2010

Sunday, July the 11^th is the new moon and total solar eclipse.  I hear from astrologer friends it is going to be a big one; this is confirmed by my invisible friends.  It is a new moon in Cancer, a water sign, involving family, relationships, feelings and the Sacred Feminine. 

For weeks preceding this event, I have been coming into wonderful alignment within, marveling at the information Consciousness is bringing through me for the book on Sacred Union and feeling great love for and connection with my husband after a time of challenge. It is blissful.

A couple of days before the event, I start to feel a little tension inside, a feeling of being a little less in the flow.  Fits and starts.

Sunday I ask for suggestions about how to work with the energy the most effectively, and am told to align with the energy of the eclipse, and do.  I feel the push to focus on what I want in my life, what new energy I want to bring in.  I do this.  I think about healing and love in my relationship with Peter, success and fulfillment in my work, joy with my children, healing and love for the waters and the world.   Ease and flow in my life.

We watch the world cup final and it is full of contention and conflict as one team plays dirty.  The other team, the better soccer players, win the tournament.  The octopus is right again.  Pete says 4 billion people are watching this game; it is amazing to be part of something that so many in the collective are involved in at the same time.  We bring thoughts of healing the gulf waters into this mix at this time.  I feel the beginning of a deep wave within me start to build momentum that night.

Monday, July the 12^th:  I awaken with a very sore jaw; I have been grinding my back teeth again, hard.  I feel odd, a little separate from my body.  I know this feeling; it is the feeling of something being “up” in my energy field.

I have immense release of grief and outdated energy dealing with feelings of unworthiness in the studio.  Very, very painful, racking sobs ripping from my heart, holding my head.  I am stunned by the depth of this wound, the message that I am bad, unworthy of love, a waste of space, a bother, etc.  This goes back too far for me to remember the origin of it, prior to age 2. I realize that all of my life I have been trying to prove that wrong while secretly believing it.  At times, it has felt like trying to hold back the tide with my finger in the dyke, and today I have to give in to the pain of this internalized feeling about myself.  It is what I have tried to hold myself above forever, the thing I would not let myself feel.

July 13^th:   I am very scattered in my energy, have trouble hearing intuitively when it is usually so easy.  Trying to do work is almost impossible.  I give up and ask what is going on, and am told that major energy movement has occurred in my system due to the release and that I am re-making myself.  The falling apart in order to be put back together in a new, improved way.  It feels like chaos.  I choose to be very easy on myself for the rest of the day.

July 14^th:  Awaken with sore jaw again, but feeling more “together”, as if the parts that were scattered about yesterday have come into a more seamless alignment.  I have profound awareness of and write about the imbalanced masculine within me and its efforts to prove wrong that I am unworthy through competitive behavior, seeking outer approval from the world, the pushing drive to be seen and be shown through physical evidence that I am loved. I see a tough little boy with his arms crossed and a defensive, protective scowl on his face. 

My inner masculine is so concerned about the outcome; he has a feeling of panic for his survival –All about the outer drive to succeed, to “make it”, to get the outcome, rather than the focus of being in the moment and revealing the message that is truth in my heart.  He is my internalized father, the one who pushes and forces, rather than acts in accordance with the feminine’s knowing.

I have made out-of-balance decisions from this place; this has led to things occurring that did not serve me in the end.  I have made some choices through this filter that had unpleasant consequences, such as pushing my divine timing.  I cry with grateful tears for this knowing, and wrap this wounded inner masculine up with Great Mothers arms within.  He needs love so much.  I rock him.  Hush, child…..heal, child.  Shhhhh.  In the feelings of being safe in the arms of the Sacred Feminine, my imbalanced inner masculine calms; he lets go of the need to prove himself as worthy.  Suddenly it doesn’t matter if I am successful, known, recognized, famous, fulfilling my purpose by reaching lots of people, etc.  I am overcome with feelings of love and connection.

As I drive to the studio, I have trouble focusing on the act of operating the car because I am having distinct sensations of being All That Is, the knowing of the truth of this, that I could say “Wake Up, Dreamer” and I, along with all of physical reality, would cease to exist. A feeling of death approaching, or the end of some existence….the threshold is close.  Looking back on my life as if it were a story or a dream, with fondness.  It is all okay.

July 15^th:  Another awareness of the pain in my life as a great teacher, including this year with a girlfriend that has triggered feelings of betrayal (this has happened over and over in my life).  Again as I am driving to the studio, I thank her out loud for being a teacher, for she has brought to my attention my core mother wound; she has been of service in this way.  I set the intention to heal my core mother wound from the inside out.  Perhaps she and I have helped each other with this mother stuff.  Interestingly, I am also guided to set intentions around receiving from the universe. 

Also very thankful for those who came into my life not bearing pain, but love and acceptance…I have learned and am learning much from them, as well.  I think I am moving towards learning in that way as much if not more than in the painful way. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be painful to learn.

I must be one powerful, big Being to have signed one for so many lessons in this life!  I’m smiling as I write this, feeling appreciation for myself and a sense of humor about it all.  I guess it’s true I like to learn.

I’m aware that the collective energy has been very intense these last weeks and days, but that every one has a different journey.  I do feel there is a common thread, though; I think it’s that we are being grown, being brought into more and more integrity with our true nature, being “pruned” of the things that aren’t in alignment with our authentic soul and expression.  If I allow this, open to it, flow with it, I find this kind of support to be a beautiful expression of how All Creation loves me with the tenderest of hearts.  It feels like coming Home.

I have been invited recently to come pick blueberries on a fellow’s farm in south Georgia; he planted several hundred blueberry bushes several years ago, intending to create a retirement business for himself.  For whatever reason, he instead invites folks to come help themselves to his blueberries for free. 

My own history with harvesting food from the land is long and varied; we had a vegetable garden as I was growing up, one of the things my mother did very well.  Later, I would become interested in gardening organically and growing from the land as a means to be self reliant.  It was something I realized I loved, as each year the garden would get bigger and I would enthusiastically can and freeze food to winter us over.  At our Asheville place, we had an organic mini-farm that included vegetables, herbs, fruit orchard, and blueberries.

I have not gardened for some years due to the moving about we’ve done in our spiritual journey (www.berrytrip.us).  I tried gardening in Colorado, and did great with the cold weather stuff, but found the lack of heat in the summer to be uninspiring, as did my tomato plants.

There is something so delightful to me about accepting food directly from the land.  It feels like an offering, a bestowing of blessings, to have the warm, heavy ripeness of a tomato fall into your hand, or feel the vibrancy of a yellow squash fresh off the vine.  Picking peaches, plums or apples from the tall trees was like stealing candy from a baby…free food falling out of the sky!  What a gift nature gives us in this simple pleasure.

I was reminded of my joy in this uncomplicated interchange when I accepted the invitation and met our friends out in the wilds of the blueberry fields.  Row upon row of tall bushes, groaning with blueberries greeted me.  My inner kid got so excited…Where to start? 

I was moved spontaneously to reach up and touch the first bush I came to, and to thank it.  Tears sprang to my eyes as I accepted the berry that came easily into my fingers, yielding to the slightest touch.  It was ripe.  Ah, life is good.

It was that day that I was shown yet another lesson from nature, this time from the blueberries. 

Nature is a perfect teacher, if we will but pay attention.  Nature is in perfect balance, self corrects when something is changed in the system, is neutral in its politics, and gives us so much support that we take for granted.  I fell in love with nature as my teacher very young; it was safe, honest, and direct.  I’ve been grateful to be reminded over my life of this precious guide and resource.

On this day, the blueberries reminded me of a concept I have been taught over and over, but perhaps haven’t fully integrated: “Go Where the Love Is.”   

As I picked through the hot, humid morning, I noticed that some of the blueberries in a cluster would come off easily into my hands, while others were more resistant to let go.  The riper the blueberry, the easier it releases from the stem.  It is Nature’s way of protecting a species from dying out…the ripe fruit (or vegetable) will come away from its Source as if agreeing to go with us, whereas the fruit that isn’t done coming to optimal fruition will cling to its Source, like a child holding to it’s mama in preschool.  “Noooooo!  I’m not ready yet!”  Brilliant.  Nature’s built-in boundaries. 

And yet, we can ignore this gentle limit-setting.  We can pick the fruit before it is ripe, we can make a baby be born before it is optimal, we can force our way into a community and expect to be welcomed.  We force the unripe fruit, and Nature has one less blueberry to bring to its fullest expression (and we eat unripe fruit and get a tummy ache).

As I watched this phenomenon over the morning, it translated into pictures of times in my own life when I have tried to force a situation to work when it just wasn’t meant to be.  We are free will beings, after all…we can ignore the good advice and example that nature provides us and free-will ourselves right into a big mess.  If we aren’t paying attention to those subtle signals that something is not ripe for us, we can put ourselves in situations that are challenging, even unnecessarily toxic or hurtful.

As I reflected on times in my life when I have picked the unripe blueberry, whether to try to make a situation work, or to “heal” someone that didn’t want to be healed, or to be friends with someone that was not a good fit, I realized that these situations were all very like wanting to be loved when love is not in the room.  Then came words to translate the experience so that my mind could integrate what my body already knew.  Go where the love is.

Once again Nature shows me, gently and without pomp or circumstance, how to live life in alignment and balance.  How to move with ease and grace in this world.  Nature as the model, Nature as my ideal, patient way-shower.

Pick the ripe berry, the one that falls easily into your hand.  If there is resistance, pause.  Don’t go further with that until there is a sign of ripening.   Things that are not good for you will be harder to interface with, like the unripe berries will resist being plucked.  If it is harder to pull into your grasp, leave it…. and go to the ripe berry.  Go where the love is. 

The God Triton

As I am working with the Divine Masculine and Great Father archetypes of late, the concept of “Father” and what that means is very “up” for me.  I am healing my own inner masculine, as my model is my internalized biological father, grandfathers, uncles, and other father figures, and they weren’t particularly healthy or nice. 

I’ve really been asking myself what “Father” means.  You know, I just can’t answer that question.  I feel that I’ll know it when I see it, but I can’t say I’ve seen it in totality yet.  Maybe it doesn’t exist. 

I’ve seen glimpses of qualities in people (strangers and folks I know) that I would dearly love to have combined in a father figure, such as fierce protectiveness, providing for family, honor and respect, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual safety, the will and confidence to do positive things in the world, and a wise, learned perspective passed down with discernment and kindness.  But my journey has not materialized that man in my life yet.  So, like my ideal mother, I have been working to manifest him within myself.

What do we do when we don’t have a father?  Statistics say that fatherless children are much more likely to act out in the world, flailing about to find the edge of the acceptable boundaries since they were not taught where the acceptable ones are.  Father, or the masculine representative in the unit of father/mother, is a manifestation of individuation, correct and responsible behavior, how to be a contributing member of the physical world, in contrast to the feminine principle of connectivity, holding space for emotion, nurturing and caretaking. The masculine principle is the polar opposite of the feminine principle, and in an ideal situation both principles are actively working together as partners.  Children who grow up without a healthy, functional father are sometimes the ones incarcerated in prisons, or more frequently failing as a mature, integrated and functional member of society.

Yes, we (hopefully) learn boundaries from our mother, too.  Don’t touch the stove, it’s hot.  Don’t run across the street, it’s dangerous.  It’s safe to cry or be angry because I am holding the space for you to explore these natural human feelings and will guide you to feeling okay again. 

But in the traditional model, the physical boundaries of how to operate in society are shown to us by our fathers, the men of the tribe.  Our father actively shows us by his behavior what appropriate behavior in the functioning whole is.  What if your very body, the only thing you truly claim as your own in this world and the vessel by which you navigate through the maze of larger society, becomes the fertile ground on which inappropriate behavior is taught?  

My journey of 45 years has included 24 years of examination of these and other concepts as I have tried to understand what healthy parenting is.  My own father is a man I have alternately idealized and wanted to kill with my bare hands since his sexual abuse came to my consciousness.  How desperately I have clung to a picture of him as a good man who lost his way, or was victimized by the meanness and craziness of my mother and her family of origin.  How much my inner daughter has wanted to make him the good guy.

I have come to a greater balance, I think, in which I can acknowledge the harmful, toxic behavior patterns with open eyes as well as see the positive things my father gave to me.  It feels like the uncomfortable, correct placeholder in my psyche….to span the spectrum of the goodness and the badness that is my father, and claim it all.

The fact is that he has made choices over the years, just like we all do, and that some of those choices were extraordinarily hurtful.  And that he remains a flawed human being (aren’t we all?)  

But here is what makes the difference.  Despite all of my forgiveness work and my own attempts to heal him by reaching out when I had done enough recovery work to feel I could be in the same room with him safely, to ask him repeatedly to go to therapy, to practice compassion for him as a man who was a boy that was probably abused himself, he does not want to heal himself.  And despite my years of rage work, body reclamation, consciousness-raising, and learning about alcoholic families and the patterns, labels and roles we take on as their children, I cannot save him. 

My father has not chosen to reach into his universal heart for the courage to make things right, with me or within himself.  And it is here in this place of knowing things could be different, loving him from afar, and protecting myself from his illness that I remain standing, fatherless.     

I wrote this piece in 1998 for a ceremonial circle in Asheville NC as a way to honor my father, while also speaking my truth.  I read it to a rapt audience on a quiet Sunday morning, much like this one; many of them wept silently.

6-21-98  Father’s Day

I am going to introduce you to my father.  His name is Tom.  He was born in the Outer Banks village of Hatteras; it pokes about as far out into the ocean as North Carolina can reach.

His tales of his childhood took on a mythological quality which held all within hearing range spellbound.  There was no paved road into Hatteras then; a remote fishing village was the seemingly perfect place for a boy to grow up.  I imagine a freckled faced boy with Carolina blue eyes and big front teeth (like mine), golden salty sunlight in his hair as he ran the beaches, roamed the marshes gathering eels and frogs, rode his obstinate pony to the farthest reaches of the island at will.  The stories about getting lost in the sound at dark in a rowboat, the sharks closing in.  Being scared to walk the bog at night for fear of the dreaded “swampus”, a creature of untold menace and terror.  My father was a boy once.

He spoke of a simple life; the priority was survival against the hurricanes, the sea and the isolation.  He spoke of his mother as the rigid keeper of the household.  “Take those greasy shoes off!  No sand in my house!  Your feet are black as tar!”  He did not speak of his father that I can remember.

He was the local boy who left the flock.  He met my mother one fateful summer night at a village dance.  She was on vacation with her family; they were “city folk”, or “ferners” as grandmom called people who did not have the distinction of being sea worthy.  My parents dated long distance for two years, then eloped when he was 19 years of age, much to the horror of both families.  He dropped out of UNC Chapel Hill.  I was born 10 months later. 

I don’t know exactly what caused him to be “emotionally under”; probably a myriad of things.  My personal experience of him was that there was a soft, vulnerable side that he covered, or surrounded with a rigid moral construct and stoicism.  I have vivid impressions of the set of his jaw when he angered, or his clenched fist held up in front of him to signify that I was not to say another word.  I think a part of me thought he would kill me, although I cannot remember him ever spanking me.  As a teenager warring with my mother, I took any opportunity to bond with him.  This typically took place after he had consumed several beers.  He would talk and I would sit and listen.  I can remember sitting out on the front porch one evening hearing the gruesome details of his sex life with my mother, whom he called “frigid”.  I did not know then that my yearning for father became subsumed in his need for a confidant and mistress.

I confronted my father 8 years ago about the sexual abuse.  I was so afraid that he would respond by saying that I was crazy or that I’d made it all up.  Instead, he did not respond at all.  He has not spoken to me for these 8 years.  I have been many places about this loss; I was so angry for a long time that I didn’t care that we had no relationship.  Other times I have wanted to cave in completely and say that I didn’t mean it, that it’s alright.  It is just in the last year or two that I have considered him as a person, a little boy who grew up into a man who happened to become my father.  I have started to notice the good things that I got from him.  I don’t know where this will lead.  But this feels like a more human place to be.

(Image to come)

I debuted my art show last night, “The Journey of the Masculine through Shadow and Light” at my studio here in Tallahassee.  A part of the installation was a story that I channeled that morning and printed up, placing it underneath the 50 images that comprised this show.  I believe I was guided to make this art and to bring through this story in order to create a book.  However, I want to share The Story with you now. 

“Once upon a time, there was peace. 

The Masculine principle desired to expand its knowing of itself.  It began by making choices; these choices compressed All of Creation, towards the end of the Masculine knowing itself. 

The compressions resulted in the Masculine principle fracturing the world.  Manifestations included the subjugation of nature and the Masculine principle’s partner, the Feminine. 

In coming to know itself, the Masculine revealed the need for balance. 

All of Creation supported, in love, the Masculine’s desire to know itself.  All of Creation was in agreement with the expressions of the out-of-balance world that the Masculine created.  So, when the time came to correct the imbalance, the Feminine stepped in to bring balance. 

The Feminine principle held the space within which the Masculine began to mend the fractures.  The Feminine invoked the powers of balance to assist in the mending.  The return created a stirring in the hearts of humankind, which opened a door to a side of themselves they had forgotten. 

The return of the Feminine created a choice – to continue in the imbalance, or to embrace a new wholeness.  The choice became more and more apparent as the worlds collided; friction, the result of two coming together to become one, was the medium to invoke the choice. 

The friction became so prevalent as to capture All of Creation’s interest.  Spectators and supporters attended the Great Re-Balancing; across the farthest reaches The Story was felt and held.  The love that emanated from All Creation provided an alchemical support which increased the intensity of the friction. 

The increased friction acted like sandpaper, destroying old patterns.  Cleansing and re-ordering became the way of life.  The new wholeness was achieved through the union of the Feminine and the Masculine principles. 

Balance again reigned.”

What was interesting to me was that this channeled story has a happy ending, as if from a larger perspective, all of the pain and suffering that has resulted from the break between the masculine and feminine were just part of the “play”, and that in the end it really is just experience. 

However, the 50 images I was guided to create tell a different story…in graphic detail, I was shown over and over the fracturing and the pain and subjugation mentioned in The Story, yet there was no happy ending in the 50 images.  I was told that the human version of the story is told by the images, and that we’re not at the end yet.

I was so grateful for the considered questions and responses that folks had.   One man whispered quietly to me, “Thank you for not blaming the men for everything.”  It broke my heart, and made me glad I have access to another version of the story.

A flood of work is coming through me, and it seems to be very much in examination of the dynamic between the feminine and the masculine, both within each of us and in the collective whole.  I am beginning to see that part of my soul’s desire on the earth is to bring healing to the masculine through the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.  I am brought to tears with this knowing. 

all contents copyright Licia Berry, 2010

"Peace Maker", collage by Licia Berry, 2006

the intelligence and practicality of acknowledgement

by Licia Berry,  June 2007, originally published at www.liciaberry.com

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~e.e. cummings

In our personal healing process, we are often encouraged to love all parts of ourselves; we are frequently told that loving What Is, unconditionally, is the path to freedom and enlightenment.  But, actually loving What Is can be too much of a s-t-r-e-t-c-h sometimes, so acknowledgment of What Is can be the next best target….

What does acknowledging What Is mean?  If we aren’t able to actively love What Is, aren’t we already at least acknowledging it by default?

Nope; most of us are either actively denying What Is or resisting What Is by wishing it were different.  Think about it; when I look at something and judge it as being not the way I want it, in effect I am negating its existence in my life.  Whether it is adipose tissue on the body, or the behavior of another, the traffic or the weather, or the way you feel in that moment, or some old pain that needs releasing, if we judge it we are saying, “Go away.  You are not the way I want you.”  If I am expending energy wishing What Is was “what’s not”, I am tying my energy up that could be spent in moving forward if I would simply acknowledge and recognize what I am so busy denying or resisting.  Whew, did you follow that?  Acknowledgment is a choice, just as loving is a choice. 

 Here is an example: Eileen Caddy, co-founder of the Findhorn community in Scotland, has been an internationally respected leader in the consciousness movement.  However, she fought and resisted her own aging process, even saying to others that she wanted to die before her body became old and dependent on others.  She was impatient and grim and unhappy about her body’s aging and shared her discontent with everyone.  Eventually she was forced to give up her resistance to What Is (we do indeed age), and she surrendered.  As soon as she accepted What Is, she relaxed and became happy again.  Her considerable energies were no longer tied up in fighting the inevitable, and she was again able to come into flow with the well-being of the universe.  Here is an article about her awareness: 

Eileen Caddy – Surrendering To Age

Despite our best attempts, glossing over, pretending, suppressing and denying What Is just doesn’t work.  We may have a measure of success for a time, but at what cost and to what end?  We must eventually face the truth of where we are at some point.  AND, it helps to move us forward from our discomfort if we acknowledge and recognize What Is.  There is some magic, some alchemy that occurs when we quit hiding from What Is.  Acceptance of What Is is the key that unlocks compassion for ourselves, and opens the door for our normal, healthy energy to flow. 

How much energy do we expend by pretending something is not the way it is, or by suppressing something under the surface of our psyche, or by actively fighting against how we feel?  I came across an article that affirms what I know (from my own experience as well as what I hear from the angelic realm) about the nature of healing and freedom and happiness….

“Name that feeling: You’ll feel better…Naming emotions makes them less intense, scientists say”

In essence this article states that there is now scientific evidence that naming and talking about our feelings assists us in moving forward in our process and gaining self-understanding and peace.  It actually frees our energy up to acknowledge and be with What Is because we are not longer expending energy denying What Is.  How does this work energetically in the human energy field?

If you consider a healthy human energy field, there is openness and movement; we allow the well-being that is everything to flow through us uninterrupted.  In a stream, the water and all that depend on it is nourished if it remains free-flowing.  The flow must continue to ensure the health of the stream.  However, if something blocks or constricts the flow, stagnation begins to occur.  I observed this while hiking in Arizona and came across a lovely brook which had been blocked by a fallen tree; where there had been clear water upstream, here forced against the side of the decaying tree was a dam of branches and refuse, and pockets of smelly, green scum.  It was an illustration of what happens when something impedes the progress of an otherwise healthy energy flow; the progress becomes sluggish, sometimes getting down to just a trickle or to no movement at all.  This is when the human energy field, like the stream, gets into some trouble. 

But if I had pretended that the block to the flow in the stream was not there, I could not have lifted parts of the dead tree to allow some water to flow through.  I had to first look the situation in the eye and say, “Yes, I see you”, before I could remedy it.

When we are clinging to an old idea that no longer serves us, or suppressing old pain that needs to be acknowledged, or pretending a situation that is occurring really isn’t, we are in a very real way blocking the flow of goodness, ease and well-being in our own energy fields.  We are also missing out on the wisdom that can be harvested from whatever the situation offers us.  In our insecurity or attempt to control, we deny What Is and may unwittingly manifest mental disorders, or emotional symptoms, or physical issues.  As the Angels remind me, everything is energy and all imbalances begin in the subtle energy fields; if the imbalances are not addressed, they descend in vibration into the mental, emotional and physical bodies.  I can assure you from my own experience that it is much easier to address something in the subtle energy body than it is to reverse it out of the physical!  

“You will not grow if you sit in a beautiful flower garden, but you will grow if you are sick, if you are in pain, if you experience losses, and if you do not put your head in the sand, but take the pain and learn to accept it, not as a curse or punishment but as a gift to you with a very, very specific purpose.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The Angels remind me frequently we must acknowledge and release What Is in order to move forward and embrace a new choice or reality.  They say it is a fact of being in a human body that we must vent out to open up space inside ourselves, that we must recognize What Is before we can let it go and make room for fresh, new energy to flow in.  This can be a hard thing to do, especially when what we are trying not to face is painful.  But there is no other way.

Something I am experiencing in my own life is the death of an old and limiting idea of myself.  I was unwilling to let this idea go because it was comfortable; I was used to it.  But I was challenged to expand my idea of myself, and this meant letting go of the old identity.  If I didn’t let go of the old identity, I would not make room for the new one and the subsequent expansion of experience in my life that would come flowing in with the new identity.  As I successfully acknowledge the impulse to grow, miracles are occurring in my life.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

It is so true!!!  In order to grow, I had to be willing to open and bloom.  Otherwise, I would only be hurting myself.

In this current global cycle (initiated in June 2007), we are experiencing phenomenal death/rebirth opportunities, where we are being shown the things in our lives that aren’t working so well anymore and being given the chance to let them go and embrace a new vision.  If we aren’t willing to acknowledge what is ready to be released, we miss the opportunity to live the lives we were meant to live.

But don’t misunderstand; I am not advocating that we get stuck in the muck and mire of our pain, either!  I have seen folks at the other end of the spectrum, wallowing in their issues and pain to the extent that they do not move forward.  They become so identified with their problems that they become their problems!  Do you know any healing junkies?  They are so busy working through their issues that they are forgetting to live their life?  Remember the Angels say that we are meant to enjoy the journey!  Being stuck in the pain is just as out-of-balance as avoiding it entirely; it is the other end of the pendulum swing.  Being with What Is is not about beating something to death…in my experience, getting stuck in the wash cycle of it is just as painful (if not more) than dealing with it, whatever it may be.  Being with What Is entails living the delicate balance between acknowledgement of the issue and simultaneously pointing our nose in the direction of freedom and happiness. 

So, are you feeling the presence of something that is hindering the flow of happiness in your life?  Are you feeling stuck or like you are missing out on the joy you came here to experience?  How do you move forward into the glorious flow of well-being again?  Here are the steps that I have experienced and incorporated into my process, given to me by the Angels:

1.     Well, step number one is not to judge yourself for feeling this way.  Self-judgment is just another form of resisting What Is.  So stop!  This step alone may get you unstuck and moving forward again.  Why?  Because it is being with What Is.  It is acknowledging what is really happening, rather than wanting it to be different.  There is something about that being with What Is that just transforms energy, all by itself.  It is the same thing as being fully present.  Have you ever experienced someone really listening to you, with full presence?  That act alone can be enough to remedy whatever is going on. 

2.     The next thing is to consciously choose joy.  I do this by saying aloud, “I choose lightness of being, happiness and joy in my life.”  I really focus on feeling it in my body when I say this.

3.     The last thing is to know what is getting you stuck.  This means looking it in the eye and saying, “I see you” (like the dead tree in the stream).  Sometimes this isn’t necessary, but other times it can be very informative to know what is tripping you up.  I like to know because I want to uproot the problem so it won’t trip me again, and so I can learn from it.  I do this by saying aloud, “I choose to know what it is that is causing me discomfort right now.”  And then I listen.  Between my wise body, my intuition and my communication with the Angels, I am told pretty quickly where the imbalance started.  Once I know what I’m dealing with, I very purposely acknowledge it, then bless it for what it has brought to me in my life (VERY important).  Then I release it through my intention to do so.     

You might ask, “Why go straight to choosing joy first before finding the problem?  Doesn’t it make more sense to look for the imbalance first and then choose the joy?  Well, that’s the way I used to look at it, too, until I got a little talking-to from Archangel Raphael (ahem….a frequent occurrence):

“When there is a water leak in your house, doesn’t the plumber first turn off the water before finding the leak?  Otherwise the water continues to pour out and you have a flooded house!  Choosing joy first is like turning off the water (in this metaphor).  Choosing joy paves the way for you to find peace with whatever is bothering you.  Then it makes sense to hunt the “leak”.  Sometimes it is not necessary to know why you have allowed an imbalance inside of yourself…..although it is helpful for some of you.  But recognizing and being with What Is is acknowledging you have a flood going on and turning off the water, thus enabling you to move forward.”

What I know is that it is truly compassionate to accept those aspects of our lives that cause us to feel unhappy….and only by being with them and acknowledging their existence can we begin to change things.  Inevitably when we extend a loving embrace to those parts of ourselves that we may not relish, they stop making so much noise and disruption and finally integrate into our wholeness.  But until we can actually love them, we must first acknowledge them.  I also know it is just good sense and plain practical to be with What Is if my desire is to grow and be happy.  Being with What Is then becomes a simple matter of doing what it takes to ensure my well being.

“We’re asking you to trust in the Well-being. In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing. In positive expectation there is thrill and success. In pessimism or awareness of what is not wanted, there is nothing. What you’re wanting to do is redefine your relationship with the Stream. We do not ask you to look at something that is black and call it white. We do not ask you to see something that is not as you want it to be and pretend that it is. What we ask you to do is practice moving your gaze. Practice changing your perspective. Practice talking to different people. Practice going to new places. Practice sifting through the data for the things that feel like you want to feel and using those things to cause you to feel a familiar place. In other words, we want you to feel familiar in your joy. Familiar in your positive expectation, familiar in your knowing that all is well, because this Universe will knock itself out giving you evidence of that Well-being once you find that place.”

-Abraham-Hicks

Colorado Sky, by Peter Berry

April 21, 2010

Memphis Airport

Traveling by plane always makes me so philosophical.  Well, more philosophical.  There is something about being up in the sky that is a mind blower to me, and thus invites my thoughts to wander farther then usual.

When I was maybe 4 years old, I was taken on my first airplane ride to New Jersey to see my Great Grandmother.  What I remember about that ride is looking out at the clouds in absolute wonder and delight.  Having attended a Christian preschool, I announced to my mother that this was where God lived, and I believed it; the magnificence of the clouds in the sky took my breath away even then.  I also thought the clouds would taste great with my coke.

Over the years I have developed a fear of flying.  (My fight to stay on earth and claim my life became more of an attachment…I always do that pendulum swing, it seems.  Explore this reality, go in the opposite direction and experience that reality…you know, just to make sure I cover it all while I’m here.)  I have felt myself pulling away from earth and experienced what little ones must experience when they are pulled away form their mamas at preschool; a true sense of anxiety and panic about being separated from what holds and supports me.   

But the clouds will sometimes distract me in my despair, and I will lose myself in the wonder of them, even if for a few moments. 

I had a new experience just now as I was up in the clouds between Tallahassee and Memphis, my plane changing point.  As I moved up, I made a choice to let go of the earth and trust…and in that moment, I felt a clear sense of Great Father pulling me up into the sky.  Yes, I said pulling me up.  I don’t think the plane could have descended one bit with that magnetic pull going on.

Yes, I realize that there was not a magnet pulling up on the plane.  It was so interesting and wonderful to me to feel this in my body, to feel a sense of what Great Father feels like, and for the sky to be His domain.  It made me remember that some indigenous peoples say “Father Sky and Mother Earth”.  Suddenly that made sense to me.

There was something in that moment that was reminiscent of my childhood, when I was so clear that God lived up in this beautiful blue and white magical place.  I felt a similar sense of wonder and awe, like the door of my heart opened in an old way, and the sky returned to its place there.

Well, I’m all about growing…it’s what I do myself, it’s what I advocate for others, I even built a business out of it.  But HOLY CRAP.  If I grow any more I’m gonna pop right through the ceiling of this crazy reality we call physical life on earth. 

Anybody else been rocked to the core in the last coupla weeks?  Last coupla months?  Last coupla years?  I mean, REALLY; I keep thinking it can’t get any more intense, but then it DOES, and I am left working with every tool in my PEMS (physical, emotional, mental spiritual) first-aid tool kit.  Is it just me, or are we moving forward at warp speed, sluffing off everything that’s not firmly latched down as we go hurtling into the future?

The image above is of the recent Icelandic volcanic eruptions, complete with amazing lightning striking into the volcano.  It’s not unusual or anything for that to happen due to the super-charged particles being emitted during eruptions…but I thought THAT’S a good picture of what it feels like is happening right now…Sure, a volcano is erupting, but just for good measure, we’re going to throw some kickin’ lightning bolts into the mix!    Just to make sure they’re paying attention!

For me, it has been a time recently of illusions being shattered…no, that’s not strong enough a word…exploded from the inside, down to the root of where I hold them.  Like dynamite bring thrown down a hole in a mountain, and the whole mountain goes KABLAM.  Yeah, that’s more like it.  No more mountain.  Mountain go bye-bye.

I KNOW it’s for my greater good to be illusion free….I KNOW we are evolving as a human consciousness and I KNOW we can’t carry our baggage with us where we are going.  But JEEEZZ. 

Next, I wanna see Godzilla stomping through the picture.  And the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

Soul Surrender, collage by Licia Berry 2007 (click on image for larger view)

“Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…”

-round sung in sacred women’s circles, composer unknown

Sometimes we get so busy in our lives, moving in the direction we want to go, creating and doing, and sometimes things are going pretty well.  We are going along…

And then we get the spiritual 2 by 4 upside the head.

What happened?  The circumstances change…a job loss, a relationship crisis, an illness, or some other startling attention getter.  I thought I was doing good things.  I thought things were fine.  I thought things were the way I thought they were…

I have experience with this one.  Moving in a direction, thinking I am in alignment with myself…but what is really happening is that I am being driven by some part of myself that thinks it knows what’s best for me, and that part of myself is operating out of alignment with the LARGER me.  I will call that larger me “Soul” for the purposes of this exploration.

I know for a fact that we can create a life out of alignment with our soul; I have seen others do it, and I have almost done it.  Well, I guess there are degrees…I have seen some folks who seem to be creating WAY out of the ballpark of soul intention, and I have observed myself trying to create within a certain range of my soul’s intention, but not being spot on. 

Apparently, in my case, it is important to be spot on.

When I get the spiritual 2X4, I’m inclined to sit still and listen.  When I have had this situation in the past, it has been a most fortuitous course correction for me.  To my credit, I don’t get knocked down, dust myself off and hop up to continue whatever I was doing.  I do change course.  As long as I am listening.

Listening seems to be a feminine trait…and by feminine, I mean Sacred Feminine.  Doing and forging forward are things that feel masculine to me, or left brain.  To sit and be still, and listen…I only found my ability to do this when I remembered my right brain, or feminine self. 

The last time this happened for me personally was when I broke my right (masculine) ankle…it served to gain my attention in ways that other smaller attention getters had not.  You can bet that I made a promise with myself that I would catch these course corrections served up on a silver platter when they were more subtle messages.  No more broken bones for me, thank you.  I pay attention much more closely now to those whispers, those animals that stray across my path, the words a friend says in passing…I have my nose to the wind, almost all the time.  But we all have our blind spots, so it is important to set aside time to sit still and listen.

What does it feel like to listen, to be still and know?  It feels like coming home.  It feels like the return into the arms of the most wonderful, loving parent.  It feels like being in the lap of goodness, or with the most trusted friend.  I experience my soul/spirit as so knowing and wise and loving, it is hard to believe I would ever NOT want to listen.

But I know…We get caught up in our ideas of what we want to do, or are driven by fear or attachment or some other egoic construct to behave in ways that take us further and further away from that pure intent that our soul has for us.  And the kind and beneficent universe reminds us where our balance lies, and we are given the opportunity once again to be still and know.

Play...Just Because, collage 2008 by Licia Berry -Click on image for larger view.

This morning I’m recovering from a VERY busy week and weekend; I secured an art studio, made collages and started painting again, attended a screenwriting conference, worked as a facilitator for clients, prepared for and taught a breakout session at a women’s conference on Saturday, strategized with my marketing gurus, wrote, and all of this while having a very intense time of body memory of sexual abuse and the intense fear and powerlessness that go along with that.  No small feat to come through the week relatively intact!

However, as I sit here today feeling my tiredness, feeling my inner weariness, feeling fear about some things and sadness and anger about others, as well as the feeling of victory and satisfaction from a job well done, I’m guided to the above collage I made in 2008, in which I was reminded that play is what this is all about.

I’ve channeled professionally since 2001; I never bought entirely the spiritual-babble line that earth was a school we all come to learn in…that it was all about learning lessons.  Not too sure about karma, either.  (Do you think that we believe whatever corresponds to how awake we are?) 

To me, the lessons came as a result of the action, not that the lessons were the purpose of the action.  But what WAS the purpose?  I’d had glimpses, maybe memories, of waiting excitedly in line for my turn to go to the pretty green and blue playground of earth.  But it was in 2006 that the answer that resonated most soundly with me came through in a channeling session for a client. 

It was said that coming to physical form is the place where we get to experience things we can’t when we are not physical.  That there is nothing like this edge of existence where we can feel what its like to make love with physical bodies, to taste the most marvelous food, to smell a rose, to listen with ears to the sound of our child laughing, to see the beauty of natures splendid co-creations.  I know it can be hard to wrap our heads around this, but can you imagine for just a minute how much information we get from being in physical bodies?  It is just a multi-sensory explosive experiential hoot!  

It was said that Prime Source energy is one of pure, simple expansion…that this never-ending continuation of the next frontier is generated by a creative force that we can scarcely understand.  And that if we had to put a name on this quality of constant, expansive, generous creativity, it would be “PLAY”.  Play, just for the sheer desire to do it.

For me, it gets more challenging to remember the lightness with which my spirit came to be in this material world when things are not going so swimmingly.  Perhaps I’ve had a conflict with someone, or my child is sick, or I struggle with my own inner demons.  I’ve lived through some things that caused incredible damage to my body and soul.  I’ve asked myself many times, “Why would I elect to be part of that?”  Sometimes, life just doesn’t feel like play, from a 3-D perspective.  I am an advocate for feeling those lows as well as the highs, though…I sense that there is great purpose in feeling ALL OF IT.

So, then….I guess that means that the lows as well as the highs are part of what we signed on for, as well.  That it’s ALL play; that from our magnificent high viewpoint as soul’s or spirits or aspects of the One, that even the very most awful, heinous, difficult stuff could be viewed from a spiritual perspective as playful.  If that’s true, then we must be some very powerful, large, all knowing beings.  We must truly be made of the stuff of Source, if we would so gladly enter in to this playground where we cannot possibly know the infinite number of factors that will co-create our life with us.  We must be true pioneers, ready to encounter anything in the name of discovery of the next delight.

My dreams in these last months have been rich with information about how I am traveling my inner landscape; but just recently, I am finding even more accurate and pointed data in the “in between” place, that middle ground between dreaming and waking.  The visions are sharp, clear and jaw dropping in their revelation.

In my dream visions this early Easter morning, I was presented with a journal made of an elephant’s ear.  The grey skin was the outer cover, and had a couple of hairs sprouting off of it.  It was open.  The inner “pages” were a soft cream and had an interesting, spongy texture which would make for a delicious writing surface. 

In the dream vision, there was no disgust or horror, but a feeling of hesitation when I was prompted to take up the pen and write.  I said I was afraid the elephant would hear me if I wrote my thoughts in it.

The elephant is my energetic kin, right between the whale and dolphin.  I know this as I asked my inner guidance to show me the creatures and plants of the earth that are closest to my essence in an effort to understand and accept myself. 

This morning, I reflect on this remarkable message from my subconscious as an invitation to write into the ear of a trusted aspect of my higher Self , trusting the painful secrets that are being revealed by my body’s memory to it.  A journal made of an elephant’s ear is a perfect place to put down the things that I don’t want to remember, because IT will remember.

Godde, I am in love with the subconscious.

An integrative collage I was guided to make for myself (I make these for others, too) recently produced a timeline that spanned my early childhood, my relief and victory at having survived it, my blooming into midlife, and near future.  Of the several images that spelled out this linear progression of my life, one is an elephant gingerly picking through ice to get to the treasures inside. 

This elephant is the place in my timeline where I am right now in my life.  Little treasures are yielded up from my subconscious as a result of my integrative collage technique, sand tray therapy and the inner work I am doing on my own.  The elephant is playing a large (ha) role, as she is much bigger than any unpleasant secret she may find buried in the ice.  She can handle it.

I have worked with elephant energy for some years.  I know elephant to be utterly devoted to family and community, possessing a large and wise heart with an ancient knowing and memory that transcends lifetimes.  They are quiet for their large size (like me, perhaps?) and remind me that I have little to fear due to the size and indestructibility of my spirit.  Revered in many cultures, the White Elephant was once chosen by Buddha as one of his incarnations.  I trust elephant as a guide to the feminine, a strong, intelligent advisor, and an advocate for boundaries and discernment.

A friend shared her thoughts this morning: “Your dream sounds like you’re at a very interesting time in your development – elements of bringing together that which was separated, facing culpability, interconnectedness of all. Elephants are very interesting to me as a symbol of human oppression of other manifestations of consciousness.”

I love her thoughts, as they reflect the integration that is occurring within me and the magical energy that is being freed by the sewing together of my disparate parts.  My Easter elephant has shown up on a day devoted to the energy of life and resurrection, to having victory over difficulty, to the rise and return of the eternal spirit.