Posts Tagged ‘balance’

My Journey through the July 11^th New Moon and Eclipse

Sunday, July the 11^th is the new moon and total solar eclipse.  I hear from astrologer friends it is going to be a big one; this is confirmed by my invisible friends.  It is a new moon in Cancer, a water sign, involving family, relationships, feelings and the Sacred Feminine. 

For weeks preceding this event, I have been coming into wonderful alignment within, marveling at the information Consciousness is bringing through me for the book on Sacred Union and feeling great love for and connection with my husband after a time of challenge. It is blissful.

A couple of days before the event, I start to feel a little tension inside, a feeling of being a little less in the flow.  Fits and starts.

Sunday I ask for suggestions about how to work with the energy the most effectively, and am told to align with the energy of the eclipse, and do.  I feel the push to focus on what I want in my life, what new energy I want to bring in.  I do this.  I think about healing and love in my relationship with Peter, success and fulfillment in my work, joy with my children, healing and love for the waters and the world.   Ease and flow in my life.

We watch the world cup final and it is full of contention and conflict as one team plays dirty.  The other team, the better soccer players, win the tournament.  The octopus is right again.  Pete says 4 billion people are watching this game; it is amazing to be part of something that so many in the collective are involved in at the same time.  We bring thoughts of healing the gulf waters into this mix at this time.  I feel the beginning of a deep wave within me start to build momentum that night.

Monday, July the 12^th:  I awaken with a very sore jaw; I have been grinding my back teeth again, hard.  I feel odd, a little separate from my body.  I know this feeling; it is the feeling of something being “up” in my energy field.

I have immense release of grief and outdated energy dealing with feelings of unworthiness in the studio.  Very, very painful, racking sobs ripping from my heart, holding my head.  I am stunned by the depth of this wound, the message that I am bad, unworthy of love, a waste of space, a bother, etc.  This goes back too far for me to remember the origin of it, prior to age 2. I realize that all of my life I have been trying to prove that wrong while secretly believing it.  At times, it has felt like trying to hold back the tide with my finger in the dyke, and today I have to give in to the pain of this internalized feeling about myself.  It is what I have tried to hold myself above forever, the thing I would not let myself feel.

July 13^th:   I am very scattered in my energy, have trouble hearing intuitively when it is usually so easy.  Trying to do work is almost impossible.  I give up and ask what is going on, and am told that major energy movement has occurred in my system due to the release and that I am re-making myself.  The falling apart in order to be put back together in a new, improved way.  It feels like chaos.  I choose to be very easy on myself for the rest of the day.

July 14^th:  Awaken with sore jaw again, but feeling more “together”, as if the parts that were scattered about yesterday have come into a more seamless alignment.  I have profound awareness of and write about the imbalanced masculine within me and its efforts to prove wrong that I am unworthy through competitive behavior, seeking outer approval from the world, the pushing drive to be seen and be shown through physical evidence that I am loved. I see a tough little boy with his arms crossed and a defensive, protective scowl on his face. 

My inner masculine is so concerned about the outcome; he has a feeling of panic for his survival –All about the outer drive to succeed, to “make it”, to get the outcome, rather than the focus of being in the moment and revealing the message that is truth in my heart.  He is my internalized father, the one who pushes and forces, rather than acts in accordance with the feminine’s knowing.

I have made out-of-balance decisions from this place; this has led to things occurring that did not serve me in the end.  I have made some choices through this filter that had unpleasant consequences, such as pushing my divine timing.  I cry with grateful tears for this knowing, and wrap this wounded inner masculine up with Great Mothers arms within.  He needs love so much.  I rock him.  Hush, child…..heal, child.  Shhhhh.  In the feelings of being safe in the arms of the Sacred Feminine, my imbalanced inner masculine calms; he lets go of the need to prove himself as worthy.  Suddenly it doesn’t matter if I am successful, known, recognized, famous, fulfilling my purpose by reaching lots of people, etc.  I am overcome with feelings of love and connection.

As I drive to the studio, I have trouble focusing on the act of operating the car because I am having distinct sensations of being All That Is, the knowing of the truth of this, that I could say “Wake Up, Dreamer” and I, along with all of physical reality, would cease to exist. A feeling of death approaching, or the end of some existence….the threshold is close.  Looking back on my life as if it were a story or a dream, with fondness.  It is all okay.

July 15^th:  Another awareness of the pain in my life as a great teacher, including this year with a girlfriend that has triggered feelings of betrayal (this has happened over and over in my life).  Again as I am driving to the studio, I thank her out loud for being a teacher, for she has brought to my attention my core mother wound; she has been of service in this way.  I set the intention to heal my core mother wound from the inside out.  Perhaps she and I have helped each other with this mother stuff.  Interestingly, I am also guided to set intentions around receiving from the universe. 

Also very thankful for those who came into my life not bearing pain, but love and acceptance…I have learned and am learning much from them, as well.  I think I am moving towards learning in that way as much if not more than in the painful way. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be painful to learn.

I must be one powerful, big Being to have signed one for so many lessons in this life!  I’m smiling as I write this, feeling appreciation for myself and a sense of humor about it all.  I guess it’s true I like to learn.

I’m aware that the collective energy has been very intense these last weeks and days, but that every one has a different journey.  I do feel there is a common thread, though; I think it’s that we are being grown, being brought into more and more integrity with our true nature, being “pruned” of the things that aren’t in alignment with our authentic soul and expression.  If I allow this, open to it, flow with it, I find this kind of support to be a beautiful expression of how All Creation loves me with the tenderest of hearts.  It feels like coming Home.

I have been invited recently to come pick blueberries on a fellow’s farm in south Georgia; he planted several hundred blueberry bushes several years ago, intending to create a retirement business for himself.  For whatever reason, he instead invites folks to come help themselves to his blueberries for free. 

My own history with harvesting food from the land is long and varied; we had a vegetable garden as I was growing up, one of the things my mother did very well.  Later, I would become interested in gardening organically and growing from the land as a means to be self reliant.  It was something I realized I loved, as each year the garden would get bigger and I would enthusiastically can and freeze food to winter us over.  At our Asheville place, we had an organic mini-farm that included vegetables, herbs, fruit orchard, and blueberries.

I have not gardened for some years due to the moving about we’ve done in our spiritual journey (www.berrytrip.us).  I tried gardening in Colorado, and did great with the cold weather stuff, but found the lack of heat in the summer to be uninspiring, as did my tomato plants.

There is something so delightful to me about accepting food directly from the land.  It feels like an offering, a bestowing of blessings, to have the warm, heavy ripeness of a tomato fall into your hand, or feel the vibrancy of a yellow squash fresh off the vine.  Picking peaches, plums or apples from the tall trees was like stealing candy from a baby…free food falling out of the sky!  What a gift nature gives us in this simple pleasure.

I was reminded of my joy in this uncomplicated interchange when I accepted the invitation and met our friends out in the wilds of the blueberry fields.  Row upon row of tall bushes, groaning with blueberries greeted me.  My inner kid got so excited…Where to start? 

I was moved spontaneously to reach up and touch the first bush I came to, and to thank it.  Tears sprang to my eyes as I accepted the berry that came easily into my fingers, yielding to the slightest touch.  It was ripe.  Ah, life is good.

It was that day that I was shown yet another lesson from nature, this time from the blueberries. 

Nature is a perfect teacher, if we will but pay attention.  Nature is in perfect balance, self corrects when something is changed in the system, is neutral in its politics, and gives us so much support that we take for granted.  I fell in love with nature as my teacher very young; it was safe, honest, and direct.  I’ve been grateful to be reminded over my life of this precious guide and resource.

On this day, the blueberries reminded me of a concept I have been taught over and over, but perhaps haven’t fully integrated: “Go Where the Love Is.”   

As I picked through the hot, humid morning, I noticed that some of the blueberries in a cluster would come off easily into my hands, while others were more resistant to let go.  The riper the blueberry, the easier it releases from the stem.  It is Nature’s way of protecting a species from dying out…the ripe fruit (or vegetable) will come away from its Source as if agreeing to go with us, whereas the fruit that isn’t done coming to optimal fruition will cling to its Source, like a child holding to it’s mama in preschool.  “Noooooo!  I’m not ready yet!”  Brilliant.  Nature’s built-in boundaries. 

And yet, we can ignore this gentle limit-setting.  We can pick the fruit before it is ripe, we can make a baby be born before it is optimal, we can force our way into a community and expect to be welcomed.  We force the unripe fruit, and Nature has one less blueberry to bring to its fullest expression (and we eat unripe fruit and get a tummy ache).

As I watched this phenomenon over the morning, it translated into pictures of times in my own life when I have tried to force a situation to work when it just wasn’t meant to be.  We are free will beings, after all…we can ignore the good advice and example that nature provides us and free-will ourselves right into a big mess.  If we aren’t paying attention to those subtle signals that something is not ripe for us, we can put ourselves in situations that are challenging, even unnecessarily toxic or hurtful.

As I reflected on times in my life when I have picked the unripe blueberry, whether to try to make a situation work, or to “heal” someone that didn’t want to be healed, or to be friends with someone that was not a good fit, I realized that these situations were all very like wanting to be loved when love is not in the room.  Then came words to translate the experience so that my mind could integrate what my body already knew.  Go where the love is.

Once again Nature shows me, gently and without pomp or circumstance, how to live life in alignment and balance.  How to move with ease and grace in this world.  Nature as the model, Nature as my ideal, patient way-shower.

Pick the ripe berry, the one that falls easily into your hand.  If there is resistance, pause.  Don’t go further with that until there is a sign of ripening.   Things that are not good for you will be harder to interface with, like the unripe berries will resist being plucked.  If it is harder to pull into your grasp, leave it…. and go to the ripe berry.  Go where the love is. 

When I made this piece last month (click on the image above to see larger), I was utterly fascinated by it.  Utilizing an old advertisement for “The 50 Ft. Woman” film, I cut carefully around this epic female and placed her in the remote and rocky landscape of the Four Corners area of the American southwest, one of my old stomping grounds.

What has surprised me is how captivated I still am.  When I look at this image, I feel excitement, expectancy, recognition.  I feel it in my body. 

I have walked the ground in this place.  I lived in the southwest for 10 out of my 45 years, enough to get a feel for the magic and history and intensity of this area of our country.  The openness of the skies feels like a direct connection to spirit; the color of the ground and rocks are like an artist’s canvas (have you ever seen pink and purple dirt before?); the quality of light in the dry air makes everything so clear.  There is nothing like it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I live there for more of my remaining time on the planet; it gets in your blood and in your mind, and calls to you when you are away.

So when this immense woman wanted to be placed in this sacred location, I wasn’t too surprised; what HAS me rapt is the story that is unfolding in my consciousness through this image.

I’ve known for some time (eons?) that the Sacred Feminine enjoyed Her place in the sun on this earth thousands of years ago, then needed to go underground as human consciousness explored the imbalance of power of the immature masculine.  The whispering of this tale started as I began to have children; the keys in my own body began to unlock this ancient knowing as I felt Her awaken.  The awareness has continued to hit home in more conscious ways as I grow older and more trusting of my body and its messages to me.  

I have also learned in my shamanic and inner process work that the rocks of the earth are very much like the bones of the body; they hold memory in their dense structures.  The stone, whether it is on the surface or deep under the gaze of our eyes underground, retains the knowing of what has transpired here.  In indigenous knowing, the “rock people” are said to speak to those who will listen.  I’ve been listening to the rocks for some years now.  They speak slowly, and they are wise.  They are some of my most trusted elders.

This is what has been whispered to me: from the lore of old, a primeval tale begins to spin from the weaver’s web.  The ancient story goes: She of the earth, and the body and the feminine ways of knowing, She-the other half of existence- retreated to the far, remote places due to the imbalance that human consciousness explored.  It wasn’t safe to express Her; many, many lives were lost to drive home the point that She was not wanted any longer.  

And so, She became of the rocks and earth again, She backed away, retreating to the subconscious, a distant memory that has almost faded to nothingness.  And She waited.  Buried under the ground, buried in the depths of the black void of the earth, buried in the cells of our bodies and the collective mind.  Until there were enough of us to hold Her memory again, to bring Her back to life on this earth, to embody Her consciousness again and bring the earth into balance. 

I look at this image and I feel Her eyes open, the crust of sleep falling as pebbles from her eyelashes.  While the ravens caw and circle overhead, I feel Her stiff body disengage from the womb of earth that held Her tenderly and securely while She slept.  While the mountain lion gazes comfortably from its rocky perch, I feel Her stretch under the power of the enlivening sun, the kiss of Great Father, who blesses, welcomes and heralds Her return.  And I feel her intent as She strides across the vast desert floor, the weight of Her immense body shaking the very ground as She walks.  She has a date with the people of earth.

This image, born of my own subconscious, tells me that She is re-born out of memory, and into waking life.  She of the earth, the rocks, cradled while She went to sleep (out of necessity), has been awakened and has re-emerged in humanity’s consciousness.  And She’s coming.

pricking the crusty scab over the wound in my heart…letting it bleed

I must…there is no alternative if I want to be an alive, pliable, feeling human being

a moment’s courage to stick the needle of my consciousness in

please, hold my hand, Greater Self

and it’s done.  see, it only hurt for a moment

~

ahhh, the relief of letting it flow

the cleansing tears, the exorcizing of little demons in the dark corners of my psyche

the ones that have held court, whispering lies into my ears,

stringing nets and springing traps

grabbed up by the rush of cleansing waters from the genuine soul

lifted by the torrent of feeling, they are exposed and expunged through the grand golden portal of my heart

poured out onto the stones at my feet where they flip and writhe

I feel awe and compassion as I watch them dissolve in the light of the sun

So much work I have done to awaken the Sacred Feminine within me.  So much attention have I given to embodying Her, to BEING Her in this world that has been so out of kilter for thousands of years.  And that has all been right because it has brought me home to a large part of myself that is strong, deep, profound in its desire to heal and mother this world.

And in the last few months, another voice has been respectfully poking its head into my consciousness.  It feels pointed, focused, exacting, harder than the quality of energy I experience with Great Mother or the Sacred Feminine.  It is absent entirely unless I give it permission to enter my space, and then it comes in with a full force of presence, taking up room.  To my great surprise, I am told it is the voice of Great Father.

Well, it is true that I have on obsession with balance.  I know that my soul has a sense of humor because that is my maiden name.  Balance is the closest thing to a religion I could say I have.  Balance is the way of the universe, the way of nature, the way of the middle road.  I respect and want to emulate balance very much, because I believe that is the natural way that things are, and I want to be as close to that as I possibly can.

Masculine/feminine balance is also part of that duality that we see played out in physical form.  Notice I did not say men and women, but masculine and feminine, qualities of energy that play at opposite ends of a spectrum, holding the space for physicality to occur through the magnetic polarity of opposites.  This is how all physical matter is able to be in existence.

So it would make some sense that my focus on the Sacred Feminine would be so successful…that I would feel Her, embody Her, teach others how to awaken that pathway within themselves…and that would lead me to Him, the Divine Masculine.  From the strength of Her, I will come to know Him.

More to come about my resistance to the masculine, the work I am doing to remove the veneer of my internalized father from the face of the Great Father, and the success I have had recently in my new relationship with Him.

“Love is an attempt at penetrating another being, but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual”. - Octavio Paz

 

I’ve been known as an independent and willful person since I was very young; one of the most pervasive images I have been given of my own toddlerhood is of me sticking my chin out and saying “I want to do it myself”.  These days we call that a “spirited child”, and know better than to think of these qualities as “bad”, or that the child is trying to be a trouble maker.

That stick-to-it-iveness has gotten me through some tough times, and so I am thankful that it has been a part of my being.  It was a way to prop myself up when there wasn’t anyone on the outside holding me up.

Over the years, though, I noticed that there were times that called for a softer touch, a more melting center.  When I began to consciously look at my own spirit nature, it seemed that there was something larger within that was asking me to surrender.

Surrender?  Not me.

When I heard the word surrender, I thought of waving the white flag.  I thought of giving up.  I thought of being wrong and “I have failed in my efforts”.  But this is not what my Spirit thinks.

Surrender, according to my conversations with my wise inner voice, is the act of allowing myself to become one with the greater Whole, or Love.  It is laying down arms, letting go my need to be separate, merging once again with the larger flow of life.

This has felt like a safe way to conceptualize surrender to me.  I don’t trust others enough (most of the time) to surrender myself to them or their agenda, but I DO trust Spirit enough to surrender IN it.  Sometimes Spirit will ask me to surrender, and I will go kicking and screaming down the lane, but when I stop and realize it is only Love that wants to claim me, I stop fighting and it is such a relief.

But it is a choice!  I know from hard won experience that I can choose to stay closed off in my little box because it feels safer to me.  Sometimes I have been right to do that because conditions outside my little environment were NOT safe.  But other times, I have missed out on some good stuff because I was so busy defending myself or hanging on to an old way of being that no longer served me.

So the Octavio Paz quote above has special meaning to me.  Love cannot penetrate me, nor can I wake up to the fact that Love is actually the core of what I am, unless I am willing to open and soften and let it be.

Dear Women!

What a year it has been, and it’s only early February! Many of us have felt both the exhilaration of the new year energy and deep intensity as the purging and transformation of our consciousness continues.

It’s only 10 days until my teleclass “Faces of Her: an educational and experiential exploration of the Sacred Feminine Within” begins on Thursday Feb. 18th.

If you are anything like me or the rest of the folks I am hearing from lately, you will understand that the old way of the world is not working any more. Many of us can feel internally that a new era is beginning.

What is happening? Why do so many of us have an inner knowing that the world is changing? What can we do to midwife a smooth rebirth? These questions and more will be explored in my “Faces of Her” teleclass.

If you FEEL and nod your head to the writings of Clarissa Pinkola Estes, if you DIG the art of Frida Kahlo, if Starhawk’s sweet words whisper into your very heart, if Jean Shinoda Bolen makes you want to jump up and create a women’s circle, if you admire and say YES to any strong, wise woman you hear speak her truth…then you will want to register for this 3-part class starting Thursday, Feb. 18th.

These women are shining examples of having integrated the Sacred Feminine qualities with their inner masculine qualities (the qualities in ourselves we are all taught to live from in western culture). Can you imagine if all of us brought the fullness and balance of the Sacred Union of the feminine and masculine to this world?

This teleclass will show you how by exploring:
• What is the “Sacred Feminine”?

• What is the “Light/Solar Mother”?

• What is the “Dark/Lunar Mother”?

• How do these universal energies show up in our lives?

• How is the Sacred Feminine already within me? How do I recognize Her?

• How can our lives be richer, more magical, and more alive by consciously experiencing these universal energies?

• How can I cultivate a relationship with the Sacred Feminine in my own life?

• Why is the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine important to our continuation as a species?

This class is designed to be appealing to the heart as well as the head, to be full of interesting information as well as an invitation into personal experience of the Sacred Feminine Within.

Personal experiences of the Sacred Feminine Within will be encouraged, inspired, and supported with images, story, poetry, meditations and exercises as well as educational material. You will leave each session FULL and looking forward to MORE.

This tele-class takes place on the phone in the comfort of your own home-you can wear your pajamas and fuzzy slippers!

Join me in this enlivening new/old experience! Choose now to step into your role in this amazing time of rebirth!
Come Home to Mama!

Register here!
http://www.liciaberry.com/Faces%20of%20Her.htm

Can’t wait to talk with you!
Licia Berry
Faces of Her
Creator of the Circle of WiseWomen (FaceBook women’s group)

first published on 12-4-06 on www.liciaberry.com

I had an interaction last night that was such a blessing to me; I went to a cookie exchange party here in the valley and got into a conversation with a woman that was simultaneously sad and affirming for me, causing me to get even clearer on what I want for myself and this beautiful world.

This woman solicited me to help reform our local Goddess Group (an informal group of local women who  enjoy getting together for ceremony, play, and being with each other) into something more “serious”.  She is a proponent of one of the “new age” spiritual philosophies and she would like to see the group become much more like this philosophy.  I asked her what she meant by “serious”; I am all for intentionally working with the global energies (such as the full moon) and expanding love into the universe from a grateful and intentional heart, but I am not interested in getting “heavy” or dogmatic, if that’s what is meant by “serious”.  I told her that I have found that lightness and play and humor and love are a more effective tool towards feeling our divine connection and therefore shifting the vibration of the planet.  She then seemed to be triggered by what I said, and went into her philosophy that she has learned, which is that if we are not taking things “seriously”, we are allowing our ego to dominate us.  She said, “If we don’t negate our ego, we will never grow“.       

WOW.  Such a clear picture did I get from this comment!  A picture of sadness, self hatred, judgment of self and others, self-flagellation.  It was shocking and so very sad at the same time.  I got a picture of how many of us try to pretend some part of ourselves is not really there, and over time, how we forget our wholeness.  I got a picture of the earth, and millions of people, who in their misguided attempts to “be spiritual” try to kill off parts of themselves that they were born with, that are necessary in order to be alive.  I heard a voice saying “This is how wars start.”  I got images of people of different cultures over time saying “….I negate you…..you do not exist….your beliefs are wrong….I negate you.”  I got a clear understanding that if we are making war on ourselves by negating a part of ourselves, of course we are going to make war on others, whether in physical combat or in arguments over “what is more spiritual”.  To try to negate a part of oneself is like cutting off your own limb.  It was an all encompassing vision that has stayed with me since last night.

I took all of this to the aspects of All Creation that I know as angelic and this is what they had to say this beautiful morning:

“Sweet One, your instinct is correct from our standpoint.  You have children and you have seen with your own experience how if you ignore a needy child they just get louder, they up the ante, they will not be negated.  Over time, if they are repeatedly ignored, they will give up their fight to their birthright of being seen, heard and acknowledged, but they have closed away a part of themselves in the process.  This is what occurs when an individual tries to shut off a part of themselves….that aspect of their divinity gets louder, it wants to be heard, until over time a door shuts inside and the person forgets they have that part.  But the beauty and the challenge is that the part they have tried so hard to negate is now unconsciously “driving the train” of their life. 

It is not possible for you to be in the earth plane, in a physical body, without an ego.  The ego is a necessary part of your Being and the beautiful design of being in physical form.  You can no more negate your ego than you can negate your existence.  It is not possible to be in physical form without an ego.  You see, in the grand design, the ego is the information gatherer; the ego processes the data of life in the physical plane, then gives that information to the rest of your infinitely vast being.  You ego is a valuable part of the multi-leveled and fabulous individuated consciousness of Prime Source that you represent. 

It is human invention that a person must “kill the ego” in order to be spiritual, just as it is human invention to judge something as right or wrong.  There is no angelic presence that will tell a human being to negate the ego, as it is our very essence to be unconditionally loving (Prime Source is unconditionally loving, too).  In addition, it is an illusion to think that you CAN negate the ego.  As you witnessed in the one who brought this to you, her ego ran rampant in her extreme desire to negate it.  What part of herself is making war on herself, her grand Spirit?  We think not.  This situation makes us chuckle a bit. 

It may be worth your time to have compassion for one who would wish a part of themselves dead; only one who is in quite a bit of pain would wish such a thing.  We have a question; how is one who holds themselves to such a rigid standard able to grow?

We advocate an appropriate partnership between the ego and the vastness of who you are.  We of course see that the desire to negate the ego is a backlash to the many on the earth plane who allow their ego to be the ONLY part of themselves making the decisions, regardless of the input of their Soul, Spirit and their Source (and of course their angelic helpers!)  However, one extreme swing of the pendulum in opposition is just as imbalanced as the other.  It is our suggestion that humans choose to come into balance, to choose right relationship between their ego and the largeness that they truly are.  We see that attempting to negate a part of oneself is not life affirming, to you or to the Whole.   

Any aspect of yourself that you attempt to destroy, hide, suppress, or negate will come back to be acknowledged in larger ways, and primarily unconsciously, because you have not been loving enough to yourself to acknowledge that aspect consciously; so it will make itself known in ways you don’t notice.  The analogy of a needy child is appropriate here again; if the child cannot get what it needs from the appropriate source, it will seek what it needs elsewhere, and sometimes in ways that are not life affirming.  It will find a way to be heard, or die.

You are magnificent, multi-faceted Beings; do you truly believe that your Source would have made you the way you are, only to have you reject certain parts as unworthy?  Would your loving Source have intentionally created “flawed” beings?  Do you mistrust the wisdom of Prime Source so much? 

Our suggestion is that you love all aspects of yourselves unconditionally, as we and Prime Source love you.  You are so very dear and precious to us, and it is our great honor to know you, an extension of ourselves.  Thank you for this opportunity to speak to this.  We love you, dearest.”

To Carry-to take, to bear, to hold, to bring, to lug, to transmit, to transport, to convey, to transfer, to move, to pass on, to conduct, to relay, to contain, to include, to involve, to store, to supply, to keep (from the English Thesaurus)

As a result of my injury, my sweet family is feeling some pretty big adjustments.  The tasks that I usually have done in daily life towards maintenance of our family and our home are now meted out amongst the remaining three family members that can walk and carry things at the same time!

I am halfway through my 8 weeks of no-weight-bearing, and get around quite well on crutches, holding the right ankle above the ground and depending on my left to move me forward.  I have gotten good at being Hop Along Cassidy out of necessity!  But when you are holding yourself up with crutches and have a somewhat unstable balancing act going on, it isn’t possible to carry anything in your hands.  Having that possibility now removed, I never realized how much carrying I was doing!    

This has inspired in me a desire to examine the concept of carrying.

All moms know about carrying….we carry our babies in our bodies and in our arms and on our hips….we carry the food from the fridge to the sink and to the stove, we carry the groceries from the store to the checkout line to the car to the kitchen,….we carry our kids to school and carry their coats, their homework, their lunches…we carry our laundry to and from the washroom and then carry folded piles to the dresser drawers….we carry information from one place to another…we carry the intention of well-being for our families and our communities and our earth….we carry the well-being of our loved ones in our hearts, and we (sometimes to our detriment) carry the burdens of others simply because we care about them. 

I know that in my experience of being a woman and a mother that I see the feminine as a vessel, and that vessels are great for carrying and holding things.  Think in terms of the clay pots hand crafted by our ancient women ancestors, in a search for something to hold water and to cook in.  Think in terms of the female body’s amazing capacity to grow and nurture and carry a child within the vessel of the womb, and our arms as a vessel to cradle the baby while nursing and to rock the child to sleep.  I think in terms of the universe as a giant womb in which All Creation is held and carried.  Nothing can exist unless there is a space in which to exist, right?

I’m not suggesting that the masculine does not carry its share of things; of course it does.  This exploration is not a discourse on women or men being “better” than the other, or an argument about the roles that each should play; that seems ridiculous and a waste of time to me. 

But the concept and experience of carrying itself seems to me to originate in a feminine principle of being a holder of space, a vessel within which creation can occur.  Is this why the female of species have tended to be the carriers of home, hearth and procreation since the beginning of physical life on this planet?

I consider myself to be a feminist to the degree that I believe in equal opportunity for all regardless of gender.  If a woman wants in her heart to go for it and succeed in business and career, I say it is a free will universe and she has every right to do that.  Certainly, I feel there should not be any human-made constraints to limit her in her desire.  I am a strong woman myself, and in my early years achieved a 5 year university degree and went into the professional realm because I wanted to work and make my mark on the world. 

But as I became a mother, my sense of self has changed (and continues to!)  I saw that it wasn’t possible for there to be equal opportunity for my husband to carry our babies, nor to breastfeed them once they were born.  It was my unique role to do that due to my design.  It was his unique role to provide for us, to keep us safe and protected with a house and healthy food to eat so that I could tend to the raising of our children.  Home and hearth suddenly became very important to me.  I found myself gardening organically, canning vegetables, learning to make candles and soap, learning herbs and homeopathy and other non-invasive health modalities, learning how to heal with my hands, learning how to listen to the subtle guidance of my inner wise voice.  Having children cracked my heart open and my spirit came pouring out, looking to make up for lost time.  I began the journey to own myself as a woman and therefore an embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.

Perhaps one of the backlashes of the feminist movement is that some of us have felt we owed our allegiance to those amazing and courageous women who first stood up and said “Enough!” to being treated as second class citizens or even property at the hands of men.  I certainly respect and admire them, and know that their brave work has benefitted me and other women in the world.  I also honor that their inner journey led them to do the work they felt was right to do. 

However, in this physical world, for every action there is a reaction.  There has been a consequence for some of us.  For me, it was my belief that I should be out there conquering the world in business and making my power felt on men’s terms.  Who am I to not follow up on my fore-sisters work and pave the way for women to become “more” in this world?  Wouldn’t I be betraying them if I did not succeed in my professional life and have all of the benefits of making it in a man’s reality?  For me, the consequence of being a child of the feminist movement has been a confusing of who I really am and who I thought I should be. 

To this day I struggle with this inner part of me that pushes me to do, to make money, to have credibility, to gain notoriety, to be recognized as powerful in the man’s world. What is coming ever forward is the acknowledgment and acceptance of my role as a woman, a vessel, a carrier of the subtle mysteries of life.  I want to succeed in the woman’s world.  I want to nurture and create and hold space for my ever-unfolding.  I want to carry and nurture and hold space for the creation and unfolding of my beautiful sons, who will be a serious catch for some special women in this world once they are ready to be set free from my arms!  My true, authentic expression in this consensual reality right now is to BE the feminine.  It is a constant process of coming into greater balance within me.  I choose to give myself permission to BE this that I truly am.

My examination of my slow and steady reclaiming of my Sacred Feminine self as vessel and carrier for creation has been a constant meditation and realization since I broke my right (masculine) ankle.  My masculine side has been put to pasture for awhile, while my (left) feminine side has had to step forward, to be the one who leads.  How beautiful that my earthly body is being used as a metaphor for this balancing act, as I put my left, feminine foot forward in order to move through my day! 

The insights I am receiving are jaw-dropping, at least to me!  For 15 years, I have been reclaiming my Divine Feminine/Great Mother self, letting her move forward and through me, embodying me, letting her work be done in the world.  It is an evolving process, and one that inspires me to watch, to observe, to record the journey, and to be ever thankful for the mysterious and beautiful way that life continues to unfold.

I recently had the joy of reading an unedited 2004 interview with Barack Obama, just after he had won the democratic nomination for senator of Illinois.  In the interview, he was asked very specific questions about his religious beliefs; I found it refreshing and affirming about our choice of him as our country’s next leader.  You can read that article here: http://blog.beliefnet.com/stevenwaldman/2008/11/obamas-interview-with-cathleen.html

 

Obama’s graceful words and willingness to expose himself at a deep level inspired me to reflect on my own beliefs and experience in my life.

 

As a person who has experienced being oppressed, whether due to the fact that I am female, have indigenous ancestry within my blood, or due to my beliefs not matching someone else’s, I know the pain that is caused when someone else sees you and tries to fit you in their box, and when you don’t you are belittled or discarded.  It is tempting from that place of pain to polarize, aligning yourself with a box, too, one that is comprised of your own beliefs and that negates the beliefs of others.  It is tempting to act out from that pain in the name of the box being right.  But this is just as out of balance as someone else acting out in pain from their box.  Fanaticism is fanaticism, not matter what the belief system may be.

 

One of the most basic and innate tenets that I have been aware of holding dear in my life is that of tolerance of others.  I remember being judged for my body type when I was as young as four years of age…Being called “chubby” or “fat” (I look back at pictures now and I was no such thing.).  I also attended a Christian preschool, where I listened to my teacher condemn those who did not believe as she and the church did to a fiery hell.  This never made sense to my young mind…I knew better.  I had regular direct experiences with what might be called God, and the ugliness I saw in humans was nothing like the love I experienced in those divine moments of direct communication.   It was at this young age I learned to be afraid of people and their rabid or hateful beliefs, and also learned to keep my mouth shut.

 

I am now 43 years old.  I am just learning now that keeping my mouth shut in the face of intolerance is not a good thing for me to do, primarily because it hurts me inside, but also because it gives silent permission for the person who is ranting and raving about their beliefs no opportunity to bounce against a wall, no opportunity to see the reflection of their rigidity.  It may imply that I am trying to change someone by speaking of the importance of that reflection….and perhaps that is my agenda…I would like for my children to live in a world of tolerance rather than bigotry.

 

Fanaticism comes in many forms…..certainly in the religious circles it is easy to see as the condemnation flies back and forth between the camps.  But we see it in matters of race, gender, profession, environmentalism, politics, body types….it seems virtually anything can be turned into a platform for rigid beliefs to set in, and therefore condemnation of others who may not agree.

 

Just the other night I sat at dinner with relatives who spat the word “conservative” like they had a horrid taste in their mouth.  I recoiled as I felt the venom with which this word was spoken, and later reflected silently on what the word conservative means.  I looked it up (from dictionary.com):

 

con⋅serv⋅a⋅tive

–adjective

1.	disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.

2.	cautiously moderate or purposefully low: a conservative estimate.

3.	traditional in style or manner; avoiding novelty or showiness: conservative suit.

4.	(often initial capital letter ) of or pertaining to the Conservative party.

5.	(initial capital letter ) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of Conservative Jews or Conservative Judaism.

6.	having the power or tendency to conserve; preservative.

7.	Mathematics. (of a vector or vector function) having curl equal to zero; irrotational; lamellar.

–noun

8.	a person who is conservative in principles, actions, habits, etc.

9.	a supporter of conservative political policies.

10.	(initial capital letter ) a member of a conservative political party, esp. the Conservative party in Great Britain.

11.	a preservative.

Origin:
1350–1400; < LL conservātīvus, equiv. to L conservāt(us) (see conservation ) + -īvus -ive; r. ME conservatif < MF < L, as above

 

 

Okay, then what does liberal mean?

 

 

lib⋅er⋅al

   /ˈlɪb ər əl, ˈlɪb rəl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [lib-er-uh l, lib-ruh l] Show IPA Pronunciation

–adjective

1.	favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.

2.	(often initial capital letter ) noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.

3.	of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism.

4.	favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, esp. as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.

5.	favoring or permitting freedom of action, esp. with respect to matters of personal belief or expression: a liberal policy toward dissident artists and writers.

6.	of or pertaining to representational forms of government rather than aristocracies and monarchies.

7.	free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant: a liberal attitude toward foreigners.

8.	open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.

9.	characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts: a liberal donor.

10.	given freely or abundantly; generous: a liberal donation.

11.	not strict or rigorous; free; not literal: a liberal interpretation of a rule.

12.	of, pertaining to, or based on the liberal arts.

13.	of, pertaining to, or befitting a freeman.

–noun

14.	a person of liberal principles or views, esp. in politics or religion.

15.	(often initial capital letter ) a member of a liberal party in politics, esp. of the Liberal party in Great Britain.

---

Origin:
1325–75; ME < L līberālis of freedom, befitting the free, equiv. to līber free + -ālis -al ¹

 

 

Well, I see myself in both of these…I could be construed as quite traditional in the way that I am fiercely loyal to my family of four as the backbone of my life, and my devotion to balance as what the Buddhists call the “middle road” to guide my steps.  But I am also a liberal in that I value freedom and change and have observed that being open to rather than resisting change is the way of nature…and so I am a mix of these two concepts (a hybrid as usual…sigh). 

 

It is interesting to me that people who tout themselves as liberals and defending the liberal agenda can be so rigid in their beliefs as to appear conservative!  If tolerance and preservation of individual liberties is the goal of a liberal, then does that mean that resistance to such is implied in being a conservative?  If a lack of an open mind is conservative, does that mean that a “liberal” person who spews hatred about conservatives is actually a conservative?  The circle never ends.

 

My experience teaches me that in each of us is the blueprint for All of Creation, in each of us we are connected with the Whole, and once you get to certain awareness, you are the Whole.  Condemning any aspect of Creation and shutting oneself off from that by rejecting and judging it is akin to cutting our nose off to spite our face.  It is a way to continue the separation game that has gotten us into the mess of fighting and intolerance on this earth that so many of us are praying to mend.

 

With the recent election of an African American man to our nation’s highest office, I am hopeful that his gleaming light will give those who are in pain an opportunity to expose how they are using their pain to fuel hatred towards others.  This man is one who has experienced oppression, and who has beliefs that align with Christianity, but who is interested in accepting and hearing others’ viewpoints…he has not allowed his wounds to harden him and make him rigid….he has allowed the wounds to stay open, even touching them on occasion to remind him of what it feels like to be hurt by others intolerance.     

 

The founders of this country drew up a famous doctrine by which to guide the emergence of this amazing experiment called the United States of America. I keep a copy of it in my purse, believe it or not.  I identified with this document very early in my life when I wrote an essay on being an American…I found my innate yearning for acceptance and freedom to be reflected in its pages, the powerful words stirring my heart each time I read them.

 

In the end, the question arises…by the way we believe (which informs the way we behave), are we uniting or dividing?   Are you looking for the ways in which we are common in order to enjoy one another, or using the ways we are different as a case for your beliefs?  Are you furthering separation and pain, or are you reaching out with the intention to connect, accept, affirm and love others?

  

Are you a uniter or a divider?