I love naps.  Not only is it a sweet way to gain a little energy in the middle of the day, but I find naps to be a special, secret meeting with my inner psychic landscape where I get SO much information.

My best surfing of the inner waves is in the place I call the “in between place”, the place between waking and sleeping.  I get the best information there!  The “in-between place” is one of my favorite places to see visions, receive guidance and see what my psyche is up to in its dance with my soul and spirit.

I’m already bringing a lot of conscious attention to the balancing of my inner feminine and masculine dynamics in order for sacred union to occur within.  This is what I have been writing so feverishly about since May 1^st, when I was catapulted into deep immersion and shown the feminine and masculine dynamics since the inception of humanity on earth.

With this New Moon, I have been feeling the push/pull that comes with any new moon as it conjuncts the sun; it is the dark/light, yin/yang, feminine/masculine balancing act that brings such interesting things to the surface!

But this New Moon seems to have an extra gravitational pull with it.  I have been feeling Great Mother (my name for the Mother aspect of the Sacred Feminine) and Great Father (my name for the father aspect of the Divine Masculine) very close by, without me asking.  I feel them pressing in close to my psyche, and find that my psyche yields to their precious wisdom.

The other day, I had a dream in which it became apparent that I interpret the Sacred Feminine through a masculine filter.  Later that afternoon, heavy with the pondering and meaning of the dream, I lay down for a nap.  As soon as I closed my eyes, I began to travel and heard so many suggestions.  “Ask Great Mother to come to the front; it is time to allow her to lead.”  This is congruent with what I have been working on, so I set this intention as I floated in the in between place. 

As I felt the sea change that comes when I allow my inner feminine to shift to the leadership within, I felt distinct pain in my right kidney.  Ah, I thought.  My inner masculine is afraid to allow Her to take the lead.  So I asked Great Father to help my inner masculine release his fear, and to help him relearn what balanced feminine energy looks like so he knows he can trust her.

The kidney pain dissipated as I set these intentions.  I felt the feminine come to the front again, and then another round of kidney pain on the right.  I set intentions again, watching and listening as I felt the panic of my inner masculine.  My feminine role models have not been trustworthy…the words that describe them are manipulative, irresponsible, betraying, abandoning, selfish, fearful, cowardly, critical and judging.  My inner masculine has good reason to be hesitant to let go of the wheel.  He has learned he cannot trust the feminine because he has not seen examples of the balanced feminine in action.

Some hand holding was required; it took several times of this work of allowing the feminine to come forward and working with the masculine to help him see that the feminine in me is different than the feminine I grew up with. 

After about 30 minutes of this activity, I came to full awake-ness, full of energy and feeling in alignment with the energy of this new moon.  And the feminine and masculine dynamics playing out in my inner landscape, although under the surface of consciousness as I walk through my day, are more balanced.

I love how many levels we are simultaneously operating on as we navigate through this  thing called life….what a wonderful, fascinating journey we have undertaken!

My last couple of weeks have been intensely devoted to balancing my inner masculine; this comes as I’m writing a book that addresses the collective change we are all experiencing, the Great Re-Balancing of the feminine and masculine principles within and in the Whole.  I wouldn’t be an expert in these matters if I weren’t observing and recording the process I am undergoing myself!

Over the last years of coaxing my inner feminine closer to balance and having great success, it became obvious that the masculine within me needed some attention, too.  Not because I necessarily knew what the masculine was…I don’t see too many positive role models of balanced, authentic masculine energy in popular culture, so I earnestly began that dialogue to know.  Just what IS masculine energy?    

Well, I thought the Sacred Feminine and Great Mother were a mystery!  When I first intentionally connected to Great Father and the Divine Masculine, it was such a shock I couldn’t talk about it.  I experienced the energy as very powerful, very present, very linear and direct.  Like a pointed finger rather than a cupped hand, although not because there were any fingers pointing at me!  It was the quality of the energy that was so amazingly different than my experience of the feminine.  It was powerfully singular, as opposed to the feminine which feels to me to be powerfully whole-oriented, or connective.

I have been getting to know Him over these last couple of years, slowly.  I am finding I need to approach Great Father and the Divine Masculine with some caution, probably because of my own internal programming and unease around the masculine due to my role models.  In my case, the masculine energy I saw and interacted with as I grew to adulthood did not protect me, and in some cases actively harmed me.  My inner masculine grew to be alternately aggressive or emasculated depending on the situation. 

But what I am finding about Great Father and the Divine Masculine is that there is a balance in there of being solid, confident, clear, protective and taking care of business without being overly aggressive, or bagging out by being a disempowered masculine.   It is an energy that is completely awe-inspiring, and to stand in the presence of it is nothing short of miraculous.

Two weeks ago I was writing in my studio as I do every work day from 9-5 or so, when I was instructed to pause by my professional team (my professional team is a group of higher consciousness intelligences that assist me in my work).  I paused, then was told to open up a new document in order to write a letter.  I asked who I would be writing to, and was told, “Your father”. 

My earthly father is a person I have lots of complicated feelings about, so hearing this instruction was not easy.  However, I was told I would be writing a “Soul Letter” (Soul Letters are something I was taught to do by my angelic helpers several years ago…for more info, subscribe to my e-zine on my website, www.liciaberry.com ; the September e-zine issue will be instructions on how to write Soul Letters).  One benefit of writing a Soul Letter is that it is not delivered in the physical world to the recipient, but at a soul level.  This helped.    

It was cathartic; the point of a Soul Letter is to say all of the things you can’t say to that person in physical life because they would react poorly to it or not hear it.  Some things need to be expressed, and writing them in a Soul Letter is a great way to do it.  I cried and felt genuine appreciation as well as anger with my father for the man he was and is.  It opened me up, cleared some things out of the way.  My afternoon was spent continuing with my writing in the book about what I had discovered.  I had no idea then how taking this action freed me to experience authentic masculine energy in a magical experience that was to unfold that afternoon.

When I walked out of the studio a little before 5pm, I found that my car was having trouble.  It would start, but then peter out, as if there was something wrong with the fuel line.  I tried re-starting it several times, looking at my dashboard for indicators lights, turning off the air-conditioning and listening.  Still, it would turn over but not sustain running the car.  Hmmmm.

I felt strangely calm for being stranded in a marginal part of town with the only car in my family’s possession several miles from home or any friends’ help.  I called Peter to tell him the situation; he listened, told me to try the things I had already tried, then sat confounded about what to do.  I noticed that I was agitated with him for a moment as he seemed to be paralyzed.  But I was still very calm.  He got off the phone to collect his thoughts and called me back.  I found out later that he was collecting up his desire to help and protect me and weighing it against the fact that he was so far from me that he was powerless to do much of anything.  I found out something else, too.

He told me later that night that, in his earnest desire and knowing that it was his role to show up for me as the masculine partner in my life, he did the only thing he could.  He asked Great Father and the Divine Masculine for help….to extend beyond his own hands and to activate the Great Father energy in anyone I interacted with so that I would be taken care of.

And that’s exactly what happened.  You just read my experience in the previous entry.

Later, as I processed this extraordinary experience, I realized that by following the suggestion to write that letter to my biological father I had made a choice to shift.  Feeling and expressing the feelings about how my father did not show up for me as well as the ways he did, therefore initiating a sea change inside, I had cleared a space.  I had opened myself to experience authentic, balanced masculine energy.   And it had rushed in, in spades!  What a delight!

I called the road service, where a man named Troy answered the phone.  His first question to me was, “Are you in a safe place?”  It stopped me in my tracks as I felt a wave of appreciation for his question; he then proceeded to take excellent care of me as he called the tow service while I held the line, then let me know exactly when they would arrive.  I thanked him and waited. I called Peter back to let him know the progress.  He had been in touch with the Honda dealership; they were expecting me and would have a rental car ready for me.  I passed the next 45-50 minutes noticing that I felt completely supported and not worried about my being stranded or that my afternoon plans were shot.  It was a feeling I’ve had before of being held by larger hands, a sense that a larger plan is being played out and that I would be okay.

The tow driver showed up in a fancy flat bed truck.  He was an articulate, bright eyed and friendly Latino man who worked carefully with me to make sure that the car got up on the flat bed without scratching the bike rack hanging low on the rear of the car.  He conversed with me as he drove me to the Honda Dealership; I learned about his growing up in the south and told him stories of the snow drifts in our recent home of Colorado.  When he dropped me off, without being asked, he took care to park the car carefully with the bike rack pointed into a place where it would not be seen or stolen.  He then waited as I spoke with the service people to say goodbye and shake my hand.

Then I met Brian, the service man who took care of me while my car was being processed.  He quietly listened as I described the issues,  called the rental car company to say I was ready for my rental, then took the trouble to walk out to my lovingly parked car with me as I retrieved my computer bag.  We made small talk while I waited for the rental car folks to arrive.  His complete willingness to take care of me was a third example of this masculine principle. 

The rental car company sent an older fellow to come pick up from the Honda dealership; he came in to find me then escorted me back to the rental, opening the door for me. There was opera music on the radio; this sparked a conversation about arts and culture.  When we arrived at the rental car lot, he introduced me to a young man behind the counter named Jay, who promptly took complete care of me, staying well past the six o’clock closing time to make sure I had all the things I needed.  At no time did I feel rushed or that he was annoyed.  He was taking care of me because it was the right thing to do.

I had no less than 5 men in one short 90 minute period exhibit to me what one principle of masculine energy is meant to look like, on the very same day that I was guided to examine my father’s role modeling of imbalanced masculine energy.  I arrived home grateful, in wonder about my experience, and full of appreciation for the balanced masculine, with a knowing of my next step.  Taking care of what is meant to be taken care of.    

Taking care of what is meant to be taken care of is not solely a masculine principle.  Feminine energy also takes care of what needs to be taken care of, but it expresses differently.  I think of what I learned as the parent taking care of my babies; quiet nurturing, keeping them clean and safe, making sure they got enough sleep, holding, feeding, loving…the kinds of “taking care” that are maybe less noticeable, somehow more fundamental. 

Peter delighted as I related my experiences with these 5 men when I got home; he remarked repeatedly how calm and happy I seemed given the situation.  I told him that I had felt the strange sensation of being taken care of by some larger hands.  It was then that he shared with me his experience when I called him with car trouble earlier that day…of being so far away and feeling powerless to help.  His solution helped to set the stage for me to experience balanced masculine energy. 

(Tune in Friday 8/27/10 for the rest of the story!)

Never Alone, collage by Licia Berry 2010, copyright Licia Berry 2010

 Last night in my bed time ritual of connecting very consciously with my angels and helpers to ask for suggestions and guidance, I was happily surprised to find Great Father, an aspect of the Divine Masculine, wishing to speak with me.  His voice is very clear and strong, as are His suggestions.

He spoke to me of expressing my power through my throat…using my voice as a tool for Love in this world, in a powerful way.  I questioned how this was different than my usual expression of Love.  I am still discovering the answer.

But this morning I noticed how happily I joked around with my sons and husband as we got ready for the first day of school, how lightly I stepped, how open my heart was as I saw them and the world.  I had major insights about our relationship with my in-laws, some patterns and cycles that had previously not revealed themselves to me.  I noticed that self-love, perhaps the most primary concept that we can actively remember in order to save ourselves, seemed attached to all of this. 

I found myself appreciating my physical body in a new way as it powered up the hills this morning on my bicycle, as it chewed the kale I ate for breakfast and internalized the light nourishment from the powerful food medicine.   The music my son put on this morning moved me to tears (it was the Beatles). 

And then it got bigger…..my love of self expanded to how strong my body was to bring these two beautiful almost 10-pound babies into the world, rocked in love with my Beloved to create them, steered me through the storms of my childhood…all the way back to my inception and even prior, my choice to come here to earth.

It is hard to describe the sweetness of genuine love for oneself…it is a solitary, single point of sensation for me, as if there is no other reality besides this one realization that I belong.  That I am loved and love itself.  It is all-inclusive, all encompassing.  It feels like being Source.

This sort of experience is not new for me; I have been in this place with enough consistency to know it when I am in it and to miss it when I’m not.  But when it happens, it changes everything.  It is like tasting manna from heaven, and it’s enough to last for a long time. 

Perhaps the suggestions made to me last night by Great Father to “express Love from my throat in a powerful way” were intended to lead me to share with you my experiences of Love.     

And guess what song is playing as I finish this post?    All you need is Love.    

The Merging of the Worlds, collage 2010 by Licia Berry, copyright Licia Berry 2010

I know summer’s not over yet, but I’m already seeing a pattern and giving it a theme; for me, this is the summer of the masculine.

What do I mean by that?  I experience that I have both feminine and masculine energy within me; I believe this is true for everyone.  I am not talking about male/female when I say feminine/masculine.  I’m talking about feminine and masculine principles, the yin/yang or qualities of energy that serve equal and opposite functions and create and sustain physical reality. 

I am aware through my own 45 years of being a keen observer of human behavior (as well as working my own inner process like a scientist in a laboratory) that these two energies, when in harmony and balance, are the foundation and the key to living a physical life in beauty.  I am also aware that when these two energies are not in harmony or balance that they reveal how we make choices that are imbalanced and unsupportive of the Whole.  

If you’ve been reading my work for the last several years, you know that I have been working very intensively with the Sacred Feminine and Great Mother to find Her, feel Her, experience Her and embody Her in my life, all in the name of informing my inner feminine about how to live in balance.  She has been very present and anchored within my consciousness and my physical existence, so it was time to do the same for my inner masculine as well… after all, I’m the one who is constantly taking about balance, right?

So I started bringing my inner eye to my masculine energy a couple of years ago, and it has been astonishing to discover who my inner masculine is.  I have found many faces of my earthly father, grandfathers, uncles, other father figures and cultural faces of the masculine.  These faces exhibit qualities that I would consider helpful and supportive of my life and the Whole, and others that are not.  It’s been my intention to heal the places in me that exhibit behaviors that are not.

My 24-year relationship with my Beloved has been a laboratory for this work as well; while everything starts at the Source, meaning inside us, the next level out is the intimate relationship we have.  Peter and I have been learning about Sacred Union with each other all of these years, but it has taken an interesting turn for the better since I initiated my quest for internal M/F balance.  His own process has been deeply impacted as well as our relationship.  This is the way it works in any system; when a change is introduced, the system must them adjust and re-balance to accommodate the change.

I am in the midst of (eyeball deep as a matter of fact) a writing project that was initiated by the art that came through me in May and June of this year.  These art pieces, while at first seemingly a pictorial history of the feminine and masculine energies, are now revealing a deeper story to me each day as I go to the studio.  They whisper of how the feminine and masculine energies originally emerged to play in this universe, how they moved apart to imbalance, and how to bring them back together in Sacred Union.  It has been shown to me why we must embody the feminine first in order to bring the masculine into balance.  I’m told that the amazing era that we are entering (albeit bumpily, with some turbulence), is an era of Balance, a return to the equal partnership of the feminine and masculine principles.  My summer has been devoted to recording what these pieces are telling me.

But, like everything else I do, this project is intimately tied with how I work with my inner process.  As I am recording this fantastic story, it is changing me.  My consciousness is expanding to include the new information, and as a result, my inner masculine and inner feminine are moving together; this movement is creating some interesting dynamics!  And none so interesting as the movement this summer.

And so I will be reporting in periodically about how it’s going with my “inner lovers”.   As I write for my Sacred Union project, I’ll be sharing some of my discoveries about what imbalanced masculine or feminine energy looks like, how they look when they are balanced, and how to bring them to that place within.  Because when we are balanced within, we bring more balance to the world, yes?

I debuted my art show last night, “The Journey of the Masculine through Shadow and Light” at my studio here in Tallahassee.  A part of the installation was a story that I channeled that morning and printed up, placing it underneath the 50 images that comprised this show.  I believe I was guided to make this art and to bring through this story in order to create a book.  However, I want to share The Story with you now. 

“Once upon a time, there was peace. 

The Masculine principle desired to expand its knowing of itself.  It began by making choices; these choices compressed All of Creation, towards the end of the Masculine knowing itself. 

The compressions resulted in the Masculine principle fracturing the world.  Manifestations included the subjugation of nature and the Masculine principle’s partner, the Feminine. 

In coming to know itself, the Masculine revealed the need for balance. 

All of Creation supported, in love, the Masculine’s desire to know itself.  All of Creation was in agreement with the expressions of the out-of-balance world that the Masculine created.  So, when the time came to correct the imbalance, the Feminine stepped in to bring balance. 

The Feminine principle held the space within which the Masculine began to mend the fractures.  The Feminine invoked the powers of balance to assist in the mending.  The return created a stirring in the hearts of humankind, which opened a door to a side of themselves they had forgotten. 

The return of the Feminine created a choice – to continue in the imbalance, or to embrace a new wholeness.  The choice became more and more apparent as the worlds collided; friction, the result of two coming together to become one, was the medium to invoke the choice. 

The friction became so prevalent as to capture All of Creation’s interest.  Spectators and supporters attended the Great Re-Balancing; across the farthest reaches The Story was felt and held.  The love that emanated from All Creation provided an alchemical support which increased the intensity of the friction. 

The increased friction acted like sandpaper, destroying old patterns.  Cleansing and re-ordering became the way of life.  The new wholeness was achieved through the union of the Feminine and the Masculine principles. 

Balance again reigned.”

What was interesting to me was that this channeled story has a happy ending, as if from a larger perspective, all of the pain and suffering that has resulted from the break between the masculine and feminine were just part of the “play”, and that in the end it really is just experience. 

However, the 50 images I was guided to create tell a different story…in graphic detail, I was shown over and over the fracturing and the pain and subjugation mentioned in The Story, yet there was no happy ending in the 50 images.  I was told that the human version of the story is told by the images, and that we’re not at the end yet.

I was so grateful for the considered questions and responses that folks had.   One man whispered quietly to me, “Thank you for not blaming the men for everything.”  It broke my heart, and made me glad I have access to another version of the story.

A flood of work is coming through me, and it seems to be very much in examination of the dynamic between the feminine and the masculine, both within each of us and in the collective whole.  I am beginning to see that part of my soul’s desire on the earth is to bring healing to the masculine through the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.  I am brought to tears with this knowing. 

all contents copyright Licia Berry, 2010

Colorado Sky, by Peter Berry

April 21, 2010

Memphis Airport

Traveling by plane always makes me so philosophical.  Well, more philosophical.  There is something about being up in the sky that is a mind blower to me, and thus invites my thoughts to wander farther then usual.

When I was maybe 4 years old, I was taken on my first airplane ride to New Jersey to see my Great Grandmother.  What I remember about that ride is looking out at the clouds in absolute wonder and delight.  Having attended a Christian preschool, I announced to my mother that this was where God lived, and I believed it; the magnificence of the clouds in the sky took my breath away even then.  I also thought the clouds would taste great with my coke.

Over the years I have developed a fear of flying.  (My fight to stay on earth and claim my life became more of an attachment…I always do that pendulum swing, it seems.  Explore this reality, go in the opposite direction and experience that reality…you know, just to make sure I cover it all while I’m here.)  I have felt myself pulling away from earth and experienced what little ones must experience when they are pulled away form their mamas at preschool; a true sense of anxiety and panic about being separated from what holds and supports me.   

But the clouds will sometimes distract me in my despair, and I will lose myself in the wonder of them, even if for a few moments. 

I had a new experience just now as I was up in the clouds between Tallahassee and Memphis, my plane changing point.  As I moved up, I made a choice to let go of the earth and trust…and in that moment, I felt a clear sense of Great Father pulling me up into the sky.  Yes, I said pulling me up.  I don’t think the plane could have descended one bit with that magnetic pull going on.

Yes, I realize that there was not a magnet pulling up on the plane.  It was so interesting and wonderful to me to feel this in my body, to feel a sense of what Great Father feels like, and for the sky to be His domain.  It made me remember that some indigenous peoples say “Father Sky and Mother Earth”.  Suddenly that made sense to me.

There was something in that moment that was reminiscent of my childhood, when I was so clear that God lived up in this beautiful blue and white magical place.  I felt a similar sense of wonder and awe, like the door of my heart opened in an old way, and the sky returned to its place there.

Sage- A Tribute to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, collage by Licia Berry, 2009 (click on image for larger view)

Last night in my nightly bedtime guidance sessions, I was guided to visualize myself in right relationship with my power.  This is not the first time I have explored what authentic, rightful power means.  Perhaps it is the central issue I have worked around my whole life.

I’ve resisted the idea of “power” for many years like many others who were not in their power.  I thought power meant being mean, unkind, dominant, just like I observed as a child in my own home or at school when the bullies would exert their will on others.  To me, power was a dirty word.

But in the last few years, as I have aged and come more into my own feelings of acceptance for myself and my unique way of viewing the world, I have felt my understanding of true power change.  I feel authentic power being a core sense of Self with a capital “S”, and living from that place.

What does that look like?  To me, it is walking in the world with confidence and grace, unflappable, loving self and all creation, fearlessly looking inward to traverse the inner landscape and harvest the wisdom, and from that deep well of inner knowing, offering to others what we have learned.   It is inner balance, the ecstatic union of my inner Sacred Feminine and inner Divine Masculine.  It is knowing our place in the connectedness of the Web of Life, feeling our own part of the puzzle as well as our wholeness.  It is a feeling, more than action, I think.  When I feel into it, it feels like claiming my body and the earth, loving my life, being the truth of an inspirited human.

What does power look like to you?

The little boy I picked up in the labyrinth (http://liciaberry.com/blog/2009/11/10/the-boy-in-the-labyrinth/) is beginning to stir now…he has more life in him, whereas he did not seem to inhabit his body very much before.  I feel he is a personification of my power.  I am healing my power as well as exploring what authentic power looks like for myself.  As I do this, I predict I will see this little boy grow into an actualized man.  And that I will feel comfortable and confident in the world, a genuine soul expressing their authentic power, informed by the Sacred Feminine in her power.

In recent weeks, I have felt such outrage and despair about the plight of women and children who are preyed upon by those who would use their power to dominate them.  So many stories of rape and murder; it is so heinous to me.  I was worried about myself because some modern “spiritual” folk say that anger is a bad thing to feel and it “takes your vibe down”.  I find myself wanting to fight them, which of course means I am fighting a part of myself that wants to gloss over the feelings and pretend everything is okay.  I also don’t want to be one dimensional, the angry feminist who drives folks away by her intensity and ire.

But I chose to trust my body and emotions as a message to me that there was something wrong, and I let it take me down a path.  Trusting, trusting.  As I allowed my anger and expressed it in my writing and conversations, it took me to a new place. 

I saw a purple matrix on a field of black, or a Great Web, and heard “Mending the Web”, over and over, for days and now weeks.  I saw that it would be fairly simple to continue down the angry path, let it fuel itself continuously, and break the web by posting and publishing angry thoughts. 

But then I saw that it is “women’s work” to heal, to mend the breaks in the web that out-of-balance folks cut.  I understood that my original desire in the world was to heal, and that has been the case until I got angrier and harder in my heart, wanting to be acknowledged for being right and for being victimized.  It is such a tricky thing to stay on that tightrope of balanced, righteous anger that needs to be felt and expressed, or falling over into letting it consume you, become who you are.  Letting ourselves be human when we have studied spirituality can be a tricky game to play with ourselves.

As I continued with some trepidation down this path into greater room and understanding, I also saw that women who are empowered (and me) are strong enough to be the big ones, the ones who will take the first step and reach out our hands to do the mending.  Just as many wise and respected feminists have said, it is the women who must lead the coming awareness and shift in consciousness to balance.  Quietly, perhaps in some ways…..but that it is up to us to start the healing of this world. 

Spider Woman, by Susan Seddon Boulet

Then, I saw and heard “healing the masculine”.  Ah, is it not enough to heal ourselves as women, and the damage done to us at the hands of the outrageously immature masculine without (and our internalized fathers and immature masculine within)?  Perhaps we may be called to turn and heal those who have trespassed against us. 

Well, I don’t know how this will work…I sure don’t want to get in a conversation with my father and attempt to “heal” him.  I already know he doesn’t want to do that in ways that I consider healthy for him.  But, maybe by healing my own inner masculine, helping my inner masculine to grow up in a healthy balanced way, with a mature inner feminine to help him, there may be hope.

Family constellation work has shown me that there is no such thing as space and time…that healing can occur for all involved when all the factors are present.  Perhaps if I heal and mature my own inner masculine, my father in some way is released from his own pain, and healing can happen for him (and others).

But first, I must peel back the face I have placed on him, the veneer of goodness, the stories of heroism that I have projected onto him, and believed.  I must see what is underneath.  Better get out the drills, hammers and chisels.  It’s time for the idealized father to die.