Soul Surrender, collage by Licia Berry 2007 (click on image for larger view)

“Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…”

-round sung in sacred women’s circles, composer unknown

Sometimes we get so busy in our lives, moving in the direction we want to go, creating and doing, and sometimes things are going pretty well.  We are going along…

And then we get the spiritual 2 by 4 upside the head.

What happened?  The circumstances change…a job loss, a relationship crisis, an illness, or some other startling attention getter.  I thought I was doing good things.  I thought things were fine.  I thought things were the way I thought they were…

I have experience with this one.  Moving in a direction, thinking I am in alignment with myself…but what is really happening is that I am being driven by some part of myself that thinks it knows what’s best for me, and that part of myself is operating out of alignment with the LARGER me.  I will call that larger me “Soul” for the purposes of this exploration.

I know for a fact that we can create a life out of alignment with our soul; I have seen others do it, and I have almost done it.  Well, I guess there are degrees…I have seen some folks who seem to be creating WAY out of the ballpark of soul intention, and I have observed myself trying to create within a certain range of my soul’s intention, but not being spot on. 

Apparently, in my case, it is important to be spot on.

When I get the spiritual 2X4, I’m inclined to sit still and listen.  When I have had this situation in the past, it has been a most fortuitous course correction for me.  To my credit, I don’t get knocked down, dust myself off and hop up to continue whatever I was doing.  I do change course.  As long as I am listening.

Listening seems to be a feminine trait…and by feminine, I mean Sacred Feminine.  Doing and forging forward are things that feel masculine to me, or left brain.  To sit and be still, and listen…I only found my ability to do this when I remembered my right brain, or feminine self. 

The last time this happened for me personally was when I broke my right (masculine) ankle…it served to gain my attention in ways that other smaller attention getters had not.  You can bet that I made a promise with myself that I would catch these course corrections served up on a silver platter when they were more subtle messages.  No more broken bones for me, thank you.  I pay attention much more closely now to those whispers, those animals that stray across my path, the words a friend says in passing…I have my nose to the wind, almost all the time.  But we all have our blind spots, so it is important to set aside time to sit still and listen.

What does it feel like to listen, to be still and know?  It feels like coming home.  It feels like the return into the arms of the most wonderful, loving parent.  It feels like being in the lap of goodness, or with the most trusted friend.  I experience my soul/spirit as so knowing and wise and loving, it is hard to believe I would ever NOT want to listen.

But I know…We get caught up in our ideas of what we want to do, or are driven by fear or attachment or some other egoic construct to behave in ways that take us further and further away from that pure intent that our soul has for us.  And the kind and beneficent universe reminds us where our balance lies, and we are given the opportunity once again to be still and know.

Soul Surrender, collage by Licia Berry, 2008

“Love is an attempt at penetrating another being, but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual”. - Octavio Paz

I’ve been known as an independent and willful person since I was very young; one of the most pervasive images I have been given of my own toddlerhood is of me sticking my chin out and saying “I want to do it myself”.  These days we call that a “spirited child”, and know better than to think of these qualities as “bad”, or that the child is trying to be a trouble maker.

That stick-to-it-iveness has gotten me through some tough times, and so I am thankful that it has been a part of my being.  It was a way to prop myself up when there wasn’t anyone on the outside holding me up.

Over the years, though, I noticed that there were times that called for a softer touch, a more melting center.  When I began to consciously look at my own spirit nature, it seemed that there was something larger within that was asking me to surrender.

Surrender?  Not me.

When I heard the word surrender, I thought of waving the white flag.  I thought of giving up.  I thought of being wrong and “I have failed in my efforts”.  But this is not what my Spirit thinks.

Surrender, according to my conversations with my wise inner voice, is the act of allowing myself to become one with the greater Whole, or Love.  It is laying down arms, letting go my need to be separate, merging once again with the larger flow of life.

This has felt like a safe way to conceptualize surrender to me.  I don’t trust others enough (most of the time) to surrender myself to them or their agenda, but I DO trust Spirit enough to surrender IN it.  Sometimes Spirit will ask me to surrender, and I will go kicking and screaming down the lane, but when I stop and realize it is only Love that wants to claim me, I stop fighting and it is such a relief.

But it is a choice!  I know from hard won experience that I can choose to stay closed off in my little box because it feels safer to me.  Sometimes I have been right to do that because conditions outside my little environment were NOT safe.  But other times, I have missed out on some good stuff because I was so busy defending myself or hanging on to an old way of being that no longer served me.

So the Octavio Paz quote above has special meaning to me.  Love cannot penetrate me, nor can I wake up to the fact that Love is actually the core of what I am, unless I am willing to open and soften and let it be.

My subjective experience has been telling me that there has been some extraordinary energy moving through the collective these last few days.  What I’m hearing as I report in from my corner of reality is that many are feeling this larger wave of energy, but some experience it as very difficult and others very lovely.

Thursday is when I started to feel that rise begin…it feels to me like being in the ocean, out beyond where the waves break.  You can feel that a wave is coming because you get lifted off the bottom of the sea, and your body bobs up to the top of the lump that begins a wave, then you are dropped down and toes make contact again with sand.  The wave continues onward towards the shore, where it crests and crashes down, becoming one with the larger body of the ocean again.

Thursday some extraordinary things happened in my life.  My beloved husband confronted an oooolllllddddd habit passed down to him by his ancestry and brought it into consciousness, breaking the pattern and freeing himself (and us, his family).  When it happened, there was a palpable feeling of something having changed.  Our whole family felt it.  A few hours later, a professional opportunity came his way, literally dropped in his lap, which has invited more good feelings in our family. 

Then, Friday some folks looked at our house in Colorado, the one that’s been on the market for 1.5 years, and promptly feel it love with it and made an offer.  We signed the contract yesterday, the day identified by astrologers in the know as a profoundly lucky day of 2010 due to Jupiter and the sun being in alignment.

The current energy wave is intense, don’t get me wrong.  It’s not all sunshine and daisies; the recent earthquakes would indicate that there are folks who are in great distress as a result of the energy movement.  And I have been hearing that some folks are having difficulty navigating the current energy.  They feel anxious, pregnant, full, like they are ready to explode.  Sometimes it feels just plain bad, and we want to hide under a rock until it’s over.

I do believe that what is within is also without, and vice versa, so to me it makes sense that we would see manifestations in the physical as well as emotional worlds of the internal or invisible universal energy waves that wash through us.  I don’t think this is going to change; my sources tell me that these kinds of experiences are going to continue, and that the intensity will lessen a bit as we cycle through, until we get to the next wave. 

Are we being cleansed?  Are we being shown where we are putting energy that doesn’t serve us?  Are we getting the opportunity to trim out the deadwood and let go into a life that we are truly meant to live?  And why is it easy for some and not for others?  Is the difference that sometimes we cooperate with the flow of the energy and other times we cling to the rocks, refusing to let go into that larger life?  What keeps us attached to those habits and beliefs that threaten to take us under, even those that we love? 

My sweet husband has had direct information for 3 years (via myself and my invisible helpers) that his unconsciousness was causing a major energy drain on himself and our family, creating havoc and despair, putting him crossways to his own soul.  But he wasn’t ready to hear it until Thursday, and when he let it go, the energy wave that was building already bobbed him (and our family) up to the top of the wave, instead of holding us down at the bottom.  The relief and feeling of rightness is unmistakable.

So now we are coming through this wave…the full moon today feels like an apex to me, and perhaps things will smooth out a bit for awhile to allow the next wave to build. This will allow us time to integrate the changes that have been made during this last part of the cycle; the deadwood having been trimmed (don’t go trying to pick it up and stick it back on the trees!), we will hopefully find our ground and center in a new way.

Great Mother, collage by Licia Berry, 2008

While I was unmistakably being drawn ever deeper into a mystery that seemed to reside within my own being, my prickly mental self still fought the concept of the goddess. 

This is where my inner “immature masculine” had been holding court all of these years since I’d had babies and devoted time to the feminine side of me.  When I say “immature masculine”, I mean a quality of energy within me that feels like an adolescent boy, still growing into his paws; but subject to the spikes of testosterone along with not having the wisdom of age and experience, this boy has an uneasy relationship with authentic power and right action in the world.  He pushes and forces because he does not understand yet that finesse is sometimes required to get where you want to go, that there is subtlety and nuance that makes slowing down worth doing. He gets angry and dumb in his pointless rage because anger feels like power.  He wants control, to make the plan, to be in charge.  He argues for the sake of arguing; he thinks it is a demonstration of his rightness, and therefore dominance.  When a boy grows up in a supportive environment and wisely learns the lessons of life, this immaturity gives way to a beautiful, mature masculine that is a true wonder to behold. 

My intellectual mind was the last hold out, and this is where my inner immature masculine had made his final stand (think Geronimo fiercely defending his last stronghold in the mountains of Arizona).  A natural part of motherhood is the loss of some mental acuity due to the brain being overwhelmed with mothering hormones, resulting in a (hopefully) softer, nicer, more maternal mommy.  And of course my body won; I couldn’t prevent the slipping into the agreeable pink and light blue cloud of baby bliss.  But I grieved for the fact that I’d lost my edge, that I couldn’t think as quickly, retrieve words or names with lightning speed, debate with as sharp a tongue.  In resistance, my mind dismissed the idea of Goddess, similar to God, as so much wishful thinking.

But when I learned that the archetypal energies of Great Mother/Sacred Feminine and Great Father/Divine Masculine were qualities of energy (ala Jung and Campbell and Pinkola Estes) that existed in the collective consciousness since the beginning of time and in the energetic structure of the universe, my mind could grasp that.  Suddenly I gave myself permission to begin to know these concepts of Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine, and my mind let go and allowed me to flow with what my spirit had already been bringing me to.

I began with looking at what the term “Sacred Feminine” meant.  I read and researched texts from all over the world.  Multi-cultural resources showed me that “Mother” and “Goddess” and “Feminine” were terms that were sometimes used interchangeably, but also had a multitude of faces, or qualities.   I uncovered over 200 names of goddesses in multiple cultures and eras of time, each with specific qualities for which she was respected and called upon.  I could connect with these faces of the feminine, no matter what era or culture; there was something about each face that could teach me, assist me, cause me to feel more alive in the world.  I could seek these feminine archetypes within myself, bring them to the light of my consciousness, and successfully integrate them.

Some of my experience in working with specific names or faces of the Sacred Feminine have been utterly mind-blowing.  Working with a Mother goddess left me weeping in her arms as She scooped me up, feeling so grandly mothered for the first time in my conscious awareness.  Working with a particular feminine face that embodies righteous anger cleared the path within me to access and express and begin to heal my own inner rage.  Working with a goddess embodying creative power unleashed a river of creative energy within me that had been blocked behind a dam of self hatred and negation.  Working with an aspect of the Sacred Feminine that advocates sensuality and sexuality has blown off the puritanical doors that shut off my healthy sexual expression.  Working with a face of Her that brought love of the body has opened up a new relationship with my physical vessel and all of its workings, and an awareness that it is precious, a treasure, sacred.  There is so much goodness here to be had.

My Soul-Surrender, collage by Licia Berry, 2008

Things have happened which I have no explanation for.  I have felt and experienced revelations within my own mind and body and spirit that were undeniably resulting from my desire and choice to connect with this archetypal energy.  It was as if I was opening doors in myself that had been closed for a long time; ancient information lay behind those doors which was mine to inherit all along. 

The greatest gifts that I have received from this decision in my life to consciously connect to and embody the Sacred Feminine through Her myriad faces is that in doing so I am coming into great peace and acceptance of myself, which leads me into providing the same for others; I feel permission to be in this world, and an important part of existence.  I am okay.  In Her, I am finding peace, healing, love.  And claiming Her in myself, I can bring Her gifts to the parts of myself that have been crying for Her for so long, and then, to the world. 

If you are interested in learning how I successfully work with the Sacred Feminine in order to integrate Her into your own life, please join me for my experiential “Faces of Her” tele-class, starting February 18^th 2010.  For info and to register, click here: http://www.liciaberry.com/Faces%20of%20Her.htm

Down the Road: Growing up my inner Masculine to become the Divine Masculine so that my inner Sacred Feminine and my inner Divine Masculine can have Sacred Union.  YUM.  Stay posted!

I had an interaction last night that was such a blessing to me; I went to a cookie exchange party here in the valley and got into a conversation with a woman that was simultaneously sad and affirming for me, causing me to get even clearer on what I want for myself and this beautiful world.

This woman solicited me to help reform our local Goddess Group (an informal group of local women who  enjoy getting together for ceremony, play, and being with each other) into something more “serious”.  She is a proponent of one of the “new age” spiritual philosophies and she would like to see the group become much more like this philosophy.  I asked her what she meant by “serious”; I am all for intentionally working with the global energies (such as the full moon) and expanding love into the universe from a grateful and intentional heart, but I am not interested in getting “heavy” or dogmatic, if that’s what is meant by “serious”.  I told her that I have found that lightness and play and humor and love are a more effective tool towards feeling our divine connection and therefore shifting the vibration of the planet.  She then seemed to be triggered by what I said, and went into her philosophy that she has learned, which is that if we are not taking things “seriously”, we are allowing our ego to dominate us.  She said, “If we don’t negate our ego, we will never grow“.       

WOW.  Such a clear picture did I get from this comment!  A picture of sadness, self hatred, judgment of self and others, self-flagellation.  It was shocking and so very sad at the same time.  I got a picture of how many of us try to pretend some part of ourselves is not really there, and over time, how we forget our wholeness.  I got a picture of the earth, and millions of people, who in their misguided attempts to “be spiritual” try to kill off parts of themselves that they were born with, that are necessary in order to be alive.  I heard a voice saying “This is how wars start.”  I got images of people of different cultures over time saying “….I negate you…..you do not exist….your beliefs are wrong….I negate you.”  I got a clear understanding that if we are making war on ourselves by negating a part of ourselves, of course we are going to make war on others, whether in physical combat or in arguments over “what is more spiritual”.  To try to negate a part of oneself is like cutting off your own limb.  It was an all encompassing vision that has stayed with me since last night.

I took all of this to the aspects of All Creation that I know as angelic and this is what they had to say this beautiful morning:

“Sweet One, your instinct is correct from our standpoint.  You have children and you have seen with your own experience how if you ignore a needy child they just get louder, they up the ante, they will not be negated.  Over time, if they are repeatedly ignored, they will give up their fight to their birthright of being seen, heard and acknowledged, but they have closed away a part of themselves in the process.  This is what occurs when an individual tries to shut off a part of themselves….that aspect of their divinity gets louder, it wants to be heard, until over time a door shuts inside and the person forgets they have that part.  But the beauty and the challenge is that the part they have tried so hard to negate is now unconsciously “driving the train” of their life. 

It is not possible for you to be in the earth plane, in a physical body, without an ego.  The ego is a necessary part of your Being and the beautiful design of being in physical form.  You can no more negate your ego than you can negate your existence.  It is not possible to be in physical form without an ego.  You see, in the grand design, the ego is the information gatherer; the ego processes the data of life in the physical plane, then gives that information to the rest of your infinitely vast being.  You ego is a valuable part of the multi-leveled and fabulous individuated consciousness of Prime Source that you represent. 

It is human invention that a person must “kill the ego” in order to be spiritual, just as it is human invention to judge something as right or wrong.  There is no angelic presence that will tell a human being to negate the ego, as it is our very essence to be unconditionally loving (Prime Source is unconditionally loving, too).  In addition, it is an illusion to think that you CAN negate the ego.  As you witnessed in the one who brought this to you, her ego ran rampant in her extreme desire to negate it.  What part of herself is making war on herself, her grand Spirit?  We think not.  This situation makes us chuckle a bit. 

It may be worth your time to have compassion for one who would wish a part of themselves dead; only one who is in quite a bit of pain would wish such a thing.  We have a question; how is one who holds themselves to such a rigid standard able to grow?

We advocate an appropriate partnership between the ego and the vastness of who you are.  We of course see that the desire to negate the ego is a backlash to the many on the earth plane who allow their ego to be the ONLY part of themselves making the decisions, regardless of the input of their Soul, Spirit and their Source (and of course their angelic helpers!)  However, one extreme swing of the pendulum in opposition is just as imbalanced as the other.  It is our suggestion that humans choose to come into balance, to choose right relationship between their ego and the largeness that they truly are.  We see that attempting to negate a part of oneself is not life affirming, to you or to the Whole.   

Any aspect of yourself that you attempt to destroy, hide, suppress, or negate will come back to be acknowledged in larger ways, and primarily unconsciously, because you have not been loving enough to yourself to acknowledge that aspect consciously; so it will make itself known in ways you don’t notice.  The analogy of a needy child is appropriate here again; if the child cannot get what it needs from the appropriate source, it will seek what it needs elsewhere, and sometimes in ways that are not life affirming.  It will find a way to be heard, or die.

You are magnificent, multi-faceted Beings; do you truly believe that your Source would have made you the way you are, only to have you reject certain parts as unworthy?  Would your loving Source have intentionally created “flawed” beings?  Do you mistrust the wisdom of Prime Source so much? 

Our suggestion is that you love all aspects of yourselves unconditionally, as we and Prime Source love you.  You are so very dear and precious to us, and it is our great honor to know you, an extension of ourselves.  Thank you for this opportunity to speak to this.  We love you, dearest.”

Self Love and Self Worth

My personal healing process of late seems to be taking me to the old wound of being unloving towards myself and feeling unworthy.  I am asked with some frequency (although not as much anymore) if we ever overcome these old wounds; well, the answer is yes and no.  From an evolutionary standpoint, each time we face an issue and do a bit of healing on it, it gets a bit better, and we move on until we hit it again on our spiral walk. At that point, we have yet another opportunity to do some more healing on it, and the process continues.  Yes, there are some things that I have released to the point I never think about them or see them in my life; they seem not to exist anymore.  And I do believe that something can be healed (whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, it is still all energy) in an instant if all the right factors are lined up.

However, old and deep “wounds” such as feeling unloved or unworthy are more challenging.  I do revisit them on occasion, and each time I get closer to my core pain.  It is an act of self love and courage to go into that pain.  It is an act of self mastery to choose to heal it and not be pulled into its heavy gravitational field!

Another point of view is the one I tap into daily-the aspects of ALL Creation that I know as angelic.  What they say is that all of this forgetting our bliss and then remembering it is like a grand game of hide and seek, and at a spiritual level, it is considered FUN.  That even though our ego may be in pain, at another sphere of our being, we are laughing our butts off.  I think it is a grand punch line that when we merge back into non-physical, the first thing we do is laugh at how we thought we were supposed to suffer while living as a human!  Imagine, all that time spent being unhappy, thinking we aren’t perfect just the way we are….when all we came here to do was to enjoy the journey!

So, as I observe my feelings of unworthiness, acknowledge them and bless them, then choose to release them through intention and the angels help, I must remember that the forgetting of my wonderful-ness is part of the game, and not judge myself for those feelings.  Instead, I can choose to see it as another opportunity to rush into the arms of remembrance and feel its joyous relief.

Years ago I went through a deep and despairing walk with unworthiness and was given a beautiful book called On Wings of Light by Ronna Herman as a gift; inside was inscribed a personal message from Archangel Michael.  (Ronna Herman has channeled Archangel Michael for years; I was introduced to her by my dear friend Shanna MacLean at Circle of Light.  Ronna wrote me this note in 2001 just before 9/11 and I simultaneously “came out” as a shamana and wisewoman. )  When I thanked Ronna for the message, she replied:

“Hello, Dear Heart, so glad the message was meaningful for you.  I believe as you read the book and the messages more and more will become clear for you.  You have undoubtedly had many lifetimes as shaman/wise woman and spiritual leader – what is important now is that you live each day the best way you know how and your path will unfold the way that is best for all.  Start with yourself – learning self-love and self worth and then project that to others and help them see the best in themselves.   It all starts from within and radiates outward – one kind deed and loving thought at a time.

If anyone had told me ten years ago that I would be doing what I am doing and having the wonderful experiences that fill my life every day, I would have told them they were crazy.

Just Be the beautiful person you are and the rest will happen naturally.

Love and angel blessings, Ronna Herman”

And that has been the case; since I received this message in 2001, so much water has moved under (and over) the bridge, and self love has been the key to carrying me forward in grace.  Daily I choose to love myself unconditionally and to know and experience myself as worthy of unconditional love!  May you, too.

The 12^th day of Christmas, Epiphany is the oldest of the Christmas festivals and originally the most important.  It is the day traditionally celebrated in Christian culture as the day the Magi arrived to behold the Christ child.

“The word epiphany comes from the Greek noun epiphaneia, which means “shining forth,” “manifestation,” or “revelation.”  In the ancient Greco-Roman world, an epiphany referred to the appearance of one of the gods to mortals.  Since Hellenistic kings and Roman emperors were considered by many to be gods, the word epiphany was also used as a term for divine majesty.”  (source: http://www.stpaulskingsville.org/epiphany.htm)

Yesterday was a day in which it felt like many veils were lifted between my eyes and the larger spiritual container I live in.  I had so many revelations, and indeed, one very important “manifestation”, that I once again feel affirmed in my belief that there is a larger energy that holds us all, and that if we align with it, magic can happen.

I sat in the morning for my inner guidance time, which I typically create several times per day (and always at night before bed so that I can bring my consciousness to anything pertinent while my body sleeps).  This is my time to be still, listen and feel my connection to the Whole and a larger perspective on my life. My usual pathway of access opened up, and I felt the familiar alignment click into place.  As I awaited the presence of higher consciousness in my mind, I felt a new (yet very old and familiar), somewhat different presence move in from the left of center, supplanting my usual interface with the Divine.

“Who is here?” I asked.  A vast, deep silence, a feeling of gravity, immense power in my belly and sweetness in my heart was the response.  I sat quietly straining to hear with my inner ears, but I couldn’t quite make out the name.  I asked, “Are you here to aid me in my highest good?”  Yes, I was told, and I felt a rush of goodwill pouring through me.  “Are you accountable to the light?”  I asked.  I heard, No, I am accountable to the dark. 

This is when I started squirming; my early Christian preschool indoctrination formed my young, developing mind into a good versus evil bent, and I struggle to this day with unconsciously perceiving light as good and dark as bad, even though I know consciously that this is not true. 

My resonance lies with the yin/yang symbol, in which the darkness and the light are simply two halves of existence that balance one another, and are therefore necessary for the Whole.  It is our small, human minds that place judgments on qualities of energy such as light and dark, calling them names and putting them in little boxes so that we can feel more in control. 

I have also studied the Goddess traditions extensively, and know that darkness, a symbol for the womb, for the void, for the night, for the face of the new moon, has been vilified ever since patriarchy reared its adolescent grab for power on the planet.  I know from hard won experience that anything we demonize warrants a closer look to see what we are projecting onto it.

I heard this Being that had entered my holy space speak that it was accountable to the dark, and took a breath.  “Who are you?” I asked again.

I am the Dark Mother, She answered.

I sat quietly, stunned at the simplicity and precision of this revelation.  I then proceeded to ask several clarifying questions, the first of which were asked to make sure I was safe to be interacting with this powerful yet benevolent energy, and the latter of which resulted from my increasing feelings of bliss and excitement.  Many moments later, I was in tears as accepted Her, and felt myself in the arms of my truest Mother.

Over the course of the day as I opened further to this awareness, my epiphanies ranged from seeing how the Dark Mother had been in my life, (very clearly had I eyes to see Her) for several years, to feelings of being Home.  The work I had begun in 2005 to embody the Divine Feminine was inspired by Her.  Images of the Black Madonna, which I’d written an extensive article about in 2007, flashed through my mind.  The many essays and radio shows and personal experiences of the Sacred Feminine that I’d processed and offered to the world as a road map fell into place. 

As a woman who resonates deeply (as well as recognizes within myself) the Sacred Feminine energies, I have spent time getting to know the several faces of the Goddess.  I remember in 1999 that Mary the Mother was the first face of the feminine I began to interact with as an adult.  She was safe, a clean symbol of goodness and light, and a good start for a woman fearful of her own feminine energy.

As a child, Isis was a frequent companion, but over the years I lost my sense of her.  She came roaring back into my life in 2001, when I got the tap on my shoulder to come out of hiding as a healer, and opened my energy work practice in downtown Asheville NC. 

Then other faces of the Goddess began to emerge in my consciousness.  Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Innana, Brigid, Tara, Cerridwen, Persephone, Sedna, Lilith, Mary Magdalene, Amaterasu, GrandMother Moon, Spider Woman and more.  As each of these treasured and varied Faces of Her visited me, I interacted with their archetype and integrated them into my own awareness, making those aspects within me conscious.  It has been a remarkable journey of awakening. 

However, my names for Her never included the Dark Mother, perhaps because of my subconscious association of dark with evil. 

I had heard of the Dark Mother as a name for the fierce Goddess Kali, She who oversees death and rebirth, and so I had approached the Kali archetype with a large perimeter and a considerable dose of respect. 

I knew the acknowledgement and appreciation of the darkness that comes with shamanic practice, in which the journeying through the various inner worlds must be discerningly and powerfully navigated. 

I had experienced the darkness of entering initiations, and coming through into the light, being reborn. 

And I had experienced the darkness that came with fully exploring the archetypes of some of the previously mentioned faces of the Divine Feminine….darkness in the sense of exploring in unfathomable places in my psyche, such as deep, winding caves and caverns, traversed along with my sister Innana, and at the bottom of the sea, along with my underwater kin, Sedna.  Darkness in the sense of moving through what cannot be seen with the eyes, but must be felt and experienced through the inner worlds, where great treasure is yielded for those who have the courage to undertake the journey.

How magical that on this day of January 6^th, 2010, which I have just now learned is called Epiphany in the Christian tradition, that I would be visited by my own “magi”, or sage, in the manifestation of the Dark Mother, bestowing gifts upon Her child.  Thank you, All That Is.

In my inner guidance time this morning, I asked what to write about-my question comes in the form of “what to offer humanity today”.  I was interested that the guidance came in very clearly to write about the fear for our survival, and the suggestion to heal that fear.

The fear for survival is one that is a collective as well as individual fear that we are being faced with.  It is so deep under the surface of our daily walk that we don’t know it is there.  But the fear of ceasing to exist ranks up there as one of the greatest there are.

Naming this fear alternately seems so basic and yet such a revolutionary act.  We have so many other issues we are looking at; gay marriage, religious tolerance, racial affirmation, women’s rights, children’s protection, world peace.   I certainly have spent time and energy on all of these worthy pursuits!  But they all become a moot point if humanity no longer exists. 

What could be more basic, more primal, than our relationship with our Home?  The ground we walk on, the physical matter from which we came, is so under our noses that we cannot see it.  We take for granted what is the most beneficent force in our daily physical lives.

My sense is that it is important to name this fear.  I find that naming something within me is the first step towards healing it.  Otherwise, it has power over me because it is unconsciously driving me.  Naming a fear calls it to the surface of my attention, and allows me to look it in the eye, size it up, and deal with it.

The next step in healing after naming what is happening is to accept that this is going on.  I am surprised how often we will deny that something is wounded inside of us, and amazed by the expert coping mechanisms we will develop in order to continue to deny it.  It is only possible to change if we accept that there is indeed an issue first. 

The next important step is to make a choice about whether we want this issue to be an unconscious driver in our lives anymore.  This is a pivotal moment.  Once I can see something and name it, then accept it is an issue within me, I have the power to do something to change the situation or to let it lie.  I find that making the choice to change is a powerful decision that moves worlds, both within and without me, that support the change.

We are threatened like we never have been before…of course, there have always been threats to our survival, whether it was the herd of buffalo we stalked trampling us, or the famine, or the bomb…but now it is the very ground we walk on that is compromised. 

We cannot underestimate the intensity of the fear that we are all carrying, whether we are conscious of it or not.  Under the surface of our thoughts, under the skin of every decision we make, there is the question as to whether or not we will survive.  We make some very poor and short sighted decisions because of this fear.

If humanity wants to be around for more than another 100 years, then each of us as kernels of the collective must make decisions that ensure our survival.  Naming, accepting, and then choosing to change the issues that prevent us from having a balanced relationship with Home is the way to heal.  The earth will go on without us, that is for sure.  But if we want a world for our descendants, we have to get right with Home.  There is no escape.

In cultivating respect for our partner in physical existence, the Earth, we must heal ourselves and ensure a future for our species.  In healing our own fear for our survival, we can begin to create this ideal relationship with Home.

Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems painful can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

-Henry Miller

I hear many saying how disturbing it is and wanting it to go away.  I understand that, for sure.  It is ugly, uncomfortable, and unbelievable that sexual abuse goes on.  But as a survivor, I know it does, and I also know that the culture of secrecy around it is why it continues to infect people’s lives.  It must be talked about, it must be SEEN, in order for it to stop happening.  Children’s lives are at stake, RIGHT NOW.

The below article is something that I found some years ago that was helpful in knowing what adults can do to stop sexual abuse. Source- http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAbout/adults_responsible.asp

Child sexual abuse: the hidden epidemic

Child sexual abuse is a hidden but significant problem in every community in America. Experts estimate that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Less than one in ten will tell. Research clearly shows that individuals who are sexually abused as children are far more likely to experience psychological problems often lasting into adulthood, including Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, depression, substance abuse and relationship problems. Child sexual abuse does not recognize region, race, creed, socio-economic status or gender; it crosses all boundaries to impact every community and every person in America.

If child sexual abuse were like most childhood diseases, the prevalence and consequences of it would lead to telethons to raise money for its cure every weekend. But child sexual abuse is one of the last cultural taboos. With the exception of child-focused personal safety programs, almost nothing is being done to address it.

Darkness to Light believes that adults should be taking proactive steps to protect children from this significant risk. It is unrealistic to think that a young child can take responsibility for fending off sexual advances by an adult. Adults are responsible for the safety of children. Adults are the ones who need to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. Yet, the statistics clearly show that adults aren’t shouldering this responsibility. Darkness to Light believes that adults just don’t know how.

What adults need to know about child sexual abuse…

• It happens more than you think. A lot more - one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before their eighteenth birthday.
• It can happen right under your nose and you may never know – less than one victim in ten will tell.
• The perpetrators aren’t usually “dirty old men hiding in the bushes” – 34% of those who sexually abuse children are family members. A further 59% are friends and acquaintances of the child and his family.
• You probably don’t realize how big the problem is – 67% of the victims of all sexual assaults (including adults) are children.
• And we’re not talking about young teenagers having consensual sex – the median age for sexual abuse is just nine years of age.
• Child sexual abuse is not just a bad experience. Child sexual abuse wrecks young lives – victims of child sexual abuse are at far greater risk for all sorts of psychological disorders including PTSD, depression, substance abuse and relationship problems, often lasting into adulthood.

The personal pain of child sexual abuse…

• Adolescents and young adults with a history of childhood abuse are 3 times more likely to become depressed or suicidal as compared to those without such a history. ( Brown, Cohen, Johnson & Smailes, 1999 )
• Women with histories of childhood abuse report a greater number of physical and psychological problems, and lower ratings of their overall health than their peers. ( Moeller & Bachmann, 1993 )
• 34% of children who are either physically or sexually abused, and 58% of children who are both physically and sexually abused meet the criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. ( Ackerman, Newton, McPherson, Jones & Dykman, 1998). Untreated, PTSD is a chronic disorder. The residual emotional, behavioral, cognitive and social symptoms persist and contribute to a host of psychiatric problems through life. ( Ferguson & Horwood, 1998 )
• Adolescents and adults who are abused in childhood are significantly more likely to drink alcohol and/or use illicit drugs than their peers. Adolescents and adults who were victims of childhood maltreatment have been consistently found to be more likely to engage in high-risk sexual behaviors.

And the cost to us all…

• A 1996 National Institute of Justice study estimated that each year child sexual abuse in America costs the nation $23 billion
• Victims of child sexual abuse generally spend more on psychiatric care and medical services throughout their lives. Some victims of child sexual abuse require more expensive special educational services. Child sexual abuse causes lost potential and productivity. These expenses, which would not be necessary if not for sexual abuse, are a financial drain to each and every one of us.

So, what is happening to prevent child sexual abuse

• Preventing sexual abuse with child-focused programs… There are several well-known and successful programs that teach children self-protection skills and techniques, as age-appropriate. These programs also teach children about physical boundaries and about discerning types of touch. These programs are valuable to children. The skills learned by children in these programs have thwarted some abductions and sexual assaults. However, we must not fall into a trap of thinking that these skills are the only protection children need.
• Think about it. It is unrealistic to expect a six-year old to fend off sexual advances from an adult relative. A six-year old can’t recognize sexual advances for what they are. And a six-year old has been taught to “mind” adults who are authority figures. It is unrealistic to think that a six-year old can or even should protect himself in this situation.
• Adults are responsible for the safety of children. We strap children into car seats, we walk children across busy streets and we ask our teenagers questions about where they are going and who they will be with, all to keep them safe. Adults should also be responsible for protecting children from sexual abuse.
• Why don’t adults do a better job? Child abuse statistics show that adults do not adequately protect children from child sexual abuse. There are a lot of reasons why, but the main one is THEY DON’T KNOW HOW!!!
• Research suggests that adults are unaware of effective steps they can take to protect their children from sexual abuse. Most do not know how to recognize signs of sexual abuse and many do not know what to do when sexual abuse is discovered.