"Igmu Tanka Chantay Weh", collage by Licia Berry 2007 copyright

I’m from the south…I was born in North Carolina and lived in the south most of my life.  I’d never been west as a child (the furthest I got was Little Rock, Arkansas, but that’s a story for another time.)  Oh, and we went on a family trip to Dallas, Texas.  But I never got DEEP west until 1990, when I took a fateful trip with my husband that felt like pure destiny.  I crossed the Mississippi and found a world that captured my heart.

As a young married couple, we were feeling the itch to get out from under our roots and see the world, seek our fortunes, find out who we were.  We felt that a move out west was the right direction, but I’d never been there, so off we went during my summer break (I was a public school art teacher at the time).  We traveled the southwest on a three week road trip with a lot of music, a camera and not very much money.  It was the best trip ever.

I remember the feeling the first time we got west of the center of Texas and I saw the full moon rise behind us as we sped through the dark across the open plains.  There was something about that giant sky and that wise open space that cracked my heart open.  We went all over New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado and a bit into Utah.  We had multiple magical encounters on that trip; from outrageous coincidences to the awe inspired by the colors of the earth and the light, it was one head-over-heels experience after another.  We fell in love with Tucson, AZ and moved there two years later. 

We’ve lived in Tucson, Albuquerque NM and southern Colorado since…each time we have left the southwest to come back to the south (where we are now), but have boomeranged back, as if we are back to refill our cup with the magic that seems to live there.  I have been missing it again lately, which is what prompted me to write this post.

I was thinking about why I am overcome every so often with a feeling in my heart, a beckoning, as if the desert is calling my name on the wind, yet it is inside my chest.  I was wondering why the feeling I have when I feel the Sacred Feminine in my consciousness feels so similar to the feeling I have when I am in the wide open spaces, looking up at the giant blue sky and the mountains on the horizon.  There is a feeling of awe and quiet, a feeling of being so small in such a big place, a feeling of being held and nurtured, and a sense of ancient knowing.  It feels like Her.

Just a few days ago I realized that the desert is where I first consciously felt the Sacred Feminine.  And it is there that I have continued to deepen my relationship with Her.  Each time I have lived out west the ante gets higher; I am simultaneously driven to my knees and lifted up by Her magnificent presence, Her calling herself forward in me.

Maybe I come back to the south to bring what I’ve learned, a taste of the desert dream to this land that I come from and that holds so many hard memories of being a smart girl growing up in the bible belt.   And maybe I will go back to the sit at Her feet every so often and drink of Her wisdom.

The most recent translation of my Midlife Collage will examine the latest elements that I was guided to add.  They bring some interesting medicine!

• parsley – I utilize plant medicine as part of my energy work, so seeing parsley was a cue to me to ask parsley for some medicine.  Parsley is associated with regeneration, helping one have an open mindset to new ideas, including to guidance from inner realms.  
• the swinging lady - happy, playful, reaching for Spirit, me! 
• “marriage”  – refers to the marriage of my inner feminine and masculine, something I have been working on fervently for the last few years 
• “glorious debris” – when I ask about this one, I am given an image of the tail of a comet; there is beautiful stuff flying off the main body as it moves through space.  I get the feeling of releasing what’s in the way of living an authentic life, the life I have committed to live in the time I have left.  I think that this is how we get down to the essence of something, and that what’s left is what’s real. 

Perhaps this is what I’ve been doing as I navigate through midlife?  No doubt about it.  I feel as though I have been sandpapered, sculpted, stripped, honed, planed, whittled, and cleansed since I turned 42 years of age.  I really get the idea of midlife being a rebirth; it truly is an opportunity, a trial by fire, to come back to my core essence and decide again how I want to live my life. 

I’m so grateful for the messages and support of All Creation in all of its forms, and it is especially delicious when it comes through these guided collages that I dowse for myself and others.  There is something magical about seeing which images are chosen; I feel like a treasure hunter hitting gold when I hear the translation for the images and it makes so much sense.  I’m reminded (yet again) how much we are loved, how much we are supported, how connected we are to everything in the Web of Life.

This collage is not finished; as a matter of  fact, I am told that I will add something to it this week!  Oh goody.  What will my next support be?

Glorious Debris-Midlife Card (Back), collage by Licia Berry, 2009 copyright

The continuing story of my Midlife Collage! 

After the initial 4 elements were in place, some months later I was guided to place the above image and wording on the back of the collage.

What does this mean?

First of all, for just one lovely image (it is artwork from the WeMoon calendar) to have been chosen, it must be powerful; it carries an energy that doesn’t need other images to complete the story.  The words “Deepen into Nature” just compliment or affirm the image.

Secondly, for the image to be chosen for the back tells me that it is a foundational piece of information.  The back of the collage is the spine, the thing that holds the collage together.   Deepening into Nature is a primary suggestion for me to navigate my passage through midlife.

Of course the image itself is full of symbolism!    It is steeped in symbols of the Sacred Feminine, the earth, transformation, higher knowing and growth.  Fits right in!

Nature used to be my best friend; it rejuvinated me, gave me fresh eyes, reminded me who I really am and the bigness of the universe we live in.  Nature, since it is inherently balanced, helps me re-balance.  Over the last few years, though, I seem to have shifted my focus to more indoor activities.  It was a good prompt to get back in touch with my old friend.

You can see that I have used the back of the card to record the dates that I have been guided to add something new.  It is interesting to me now as I look back on starting this card how much of what was shown to me has absolutely been my journey!

Next…parsley, the swinging lady, “marriage” and “glorious debris”!

"Glorious Debris", Collage by Licia Berry 2009 (Copyright Licia Berry)

I’ve been making intentional collages for over 20 years.  (Collage, of course, is an art technique named from the French, in which one brings together disparate parts to create something new.)  I did as a kid, but I started in earnest in my first year teaching art in the Atlanta public schools.  Maybe it was because the materials are easily found for free, like many of the art supplies I had to hunt for my students.  I was a fantastic scrounger!  

My collaging in earnest began when I was in an art therapy group run by the great Elizabeth Rucker, then-president of the Georgia Art Therapy Association, where we were encouraged to choose images “that felt right” to include in our pieces.  The intent of these collages was to bridge the soul and the earthly life with all of its hurts, and to invite healing.

This really spoke to me, and I continue to this day to give voice to my subconscious through the images that speak to me.   I credit that art therapy group with helping me understand and embody the connection between art and healing.  Sometimes my collages have predicted my future; other times, they were a kind of soul retrieval, providing healing for parts of myself that I had disenfranchised over my life.  Always, it has been profoundly powerful work. 

Literature, symbolism and psychology were my other loves besides art and writing, and so it made some sense that I would eventually weave all of these things together into a whole-brain expression to offer to others.

Spirit wove itself into my collage-making when I learned how to dowse from an elderly woman in the Blue Ridge Mountains.  She taught me to use a pendulum, which acts as a sort of translator, a way to ask yes/no questions and confirm my intuition.  I learned through this wonderful gift that sometimes what I thought was my intuition wasn’t, and have spent 13 years working to hone my skills in that department.  I know now the subtle difference when it is my preference or my mind masking itself as intuition; I learned this through the use of the pendulum as an objective marker. 

Later, I learned to utilize the pendulum to ask for messages through my collages; which images would help me understand a situation?  I would be shown images to choose through my vast stash, then told where to put them.  The relationships between the images are very important; are they touching?  Are they on the left, right or center of the collage?  Are they parallel, diagonal, oppositional, in alignment?

Sometimes I would even ask for guidance and would be told to pull out my collage materials, and my angelic helpers would guide me to make a collage that gave me a message or a warning.  It has been the most helpful and supportive spiritual practice.

I was guided in May 2009 to begin the collage you see above, entitled “Glorious Debris”, when I was in the midst of my sabbatical from my work as a spiritual counselor and energy reader.  I was despairing about my future, very much feeling my midlife crisis (rebirth) and wondering what I could do to move forward authentically into the latter half of my life.  What was my future?  I so deeply want to contribute in supportive ways to the Whole.

Unlike most of my collages, which are completed in one sitting, this one has been on-going as I have lived through my midlife, a bit at a time.  I’ve been guided to add to it three times since I began it, and is not complete (I’m told I will be adding something to it this week.)

It started with four elements:

• Aurora Borealis
• Owl
• Pinecone
• Garden

I dowsed the images, and I was guided about where to place them on the collage.  Then, the fun part….what do they mean?  Images sometimes have universal meanings, but I have found that they also have meanings that are particular to that person, so I like to phrase my question like, “What is important about this image for me (or X client?)” 

Here is what I got for the first four elements of my midlife collage: 

• Aurora Borealis - Spirit, visible Spirit, Light of Spirit, Dawn of new possibilities, Creativity
• Owl - Seeing in the dark, seeing through darkness, seeing through to the truth, Sacred Feminine, Athena, wisdom, learning
• Pinecone - esoteric symbol of the pineal gland, associated with the 3^rd eye and higher information, “mystic seed”, ancient symbol of regeneration, life in the inner realm, intent to broaden mystical view, keenly affected by light
• Garden – abundant life manifestations, growth, nature and human together as partners 

The collage, even with just the first 4 elements on it, gave me some hope that my midlife time was going to be fruitful and have a happy ending (for those who have not gone through it, it is quite a ride!) 

Over the months, I sat with these four symbols, curious when the rest would be revealed.  And then, the story continued in December of 2009, when I was guided to add a significant symbol to the back of the collage, as if it was the underlying message of the entire thing. 

To be continued…

Receiving, collage by Licia Berry, 2010

Sunday, July the 11^th is the new moon and total solar eclipse.  I hear from astrologer friends it is going to be a big one; this is confirmed by my invisible friends.  It is a new moon in Cancer, a water sign, involving family, relationships, feelings and the Sacred Feminine. 

For weeks preceding this event, I have been coming into wonderful alignment within, marveling at the information Consciousness is bringing through me for the book on Sacred Union and feeling great love for and connection with my husband after a time of challenge. It is blissful.

A couple of days before the event, I start to feel a little tension inside, a feeling of being a little less in the flow.  Fits and starts.

Sunday I ask for suggestions about how to work with the energy the most effectively, and am told to align with the energy of the eclipse, and do.  I feel the push to focus on what I want in my life, what new energy I want to bring in.  I do this.  I think about healing and love in my relationship with Peter, success and fulfillment in my work, joy with my children, healing and love for the waters and the world.   Ease and flow in my life.

We watch the world cup final and it is full of contention and conflict as one team plays dirty.  The other team, the better soccer players, win the tournament.  The octopus is right again.  Pete says 4 billion people are watching this game; it is amazing to be part of something that so many in the collective are involved in at the same time.  We bring thoughts of healing the gulf waters into this mix at this time.  I feel the beginning of a deep wave within me start to build momentum that night.

Monday, July the 12^th:  I awaken with a very sore jaw; I have been grinding my back teeth again, hard.  I feel odd, a little separate from my body.  I know this feeling; it is the feeling of something being “up” in my energy field.

I have immense release of grief and outdated energy dealing with feelings of unworthiness in the studio.  Very, very painful, racking sobs ripping from my heart, holding my head.  I am stunned by the depth of this wound, the message that I am bad, unworthy of love, a waste of space, a bother, etc.  This goes back too far for me to remember the origin of it, prior to age 2. I realize that all of my life I have been trying to prove that wrong while secretly believing it.  At times, it has felt like trying to hold back the tide with my finger in the dyke, and today I have to give in to the pain of this internalized feeling about myself.  It is what I have tried to hold myself above forever, the thing I would not let myself feel.

July 13^th:   I am very scattered in my energy, have trouble hearing intuitively when it is usually so easy.  Trying to do work is almost impossible.  I give up and ask what is going on, and am told that major energy movement has occurred in my system due to the release and that I am re-making myself.  The falling apart in order to be put back together in a new, improved way.  It feels like chaos.  I choose to be very easy on myself for the rest of the day.

July 14^th:  Awaken with sore jaw again, but feeling more “together”, as if the parts that were scattered about yesterday have come into a more seamless alignment.  I have profound awareness of and write about the imbalanced masculine within me and its efforts to prove wrong that I am unworthy through competitive behavior, seeking outer approval from the world, the pushing drive to be seen and be shown through physical evidence that I am loved. I see a tough little boy with his arms crossed and a defensive, protective scowl on his face. 

My inner masculine is so concerned about the outcome; he has a feeling of panic for his survival –All about the outer drive to succeed, to “make it”, to get the outcome, rather than the focus of being in the moment and revealing the message that is truth in my heart.  He is my internalized father, the one who pushes and forces, rather than acts in accordance with the feminine’s knowing.

I have made out-of-balance decisions from this place; this has led to things occurring that did not serve me in the end.  I have made some choices through this filter that had unpleasant consequences, such as pushing my divine timing.  I cry with grateful tears for this knowing, and wrap this wounded inner masculine up with Great Mothers arms within.  He needs love so much.  I rock him.  Hush, child…..heal, child.  Shhhhh.  In the feelings of being safe in the arms of the Sacred Feminine, my imbalanced inner masculine calms; he lets go of the need to prove himself as worthy.  Suddenly it doesn’t matter if I am successful, known, recognized, famous, fulfilling my purpose by reaching lots of people, etc.  I am overcome with feelings of love and connection.

As I drive to the studio, I have trouble focusing on the act of operating the car because I am having distinct sensations of being All That Is, the knowing of the truth of this, that I could say “Wake Up, Dreamer” and I, along with all of physical reality, would cease to exist. A feeling of death approaching, or the end of some existence….the threshold is close.  Looking back on my life as if it were a story or a dream, with fondness.  It is all okay.

July 15^th:  Another awareness of the pain in my life as a great teacher, including this year with a girlfriend that has triggered feelings of betrayal (this has happened over and over in my life).  Again as I am driving to the studio, I thank her out loud for being a teacher, for she has brought to my attention my core mother wound; she has been of service in this way.  I set the intention to heal my core mother wound from the inside out.  Perhaps she and I have helped each other with this mother stuff.  Interestingly, I am also guided to set intentions around receiving from the universe. 

Also very thankful for those who came into my life not bearing pain, but love and acceptance…I have learned and am learning much from them, as well.  I think I am moving towards learning in that way as much if not more than in the painful way. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be painful to learn.

I must be one powerful, big Being to have signed one for so many lessons in this life!  I’m smiling as I write this, feeling appreciation for myself and a sense of humor about it all.  I guess it’s true I like to learn.

I’m aware that the collective energy has been very intense these last weeks and days, but that every one has a different journey.  I do feel there is a common thread, though; I think it’s that we are being grown, being brought into more and more integrity with our true nature, being “pruned” of the things that aren’t in alignment with our authentic soul and expression.  If I allow this, open to it, flow with it, I find this kind of support to be a beautiful expression of how All Creation loves me with the tenderest of hearts.  It feels like coming Home.

I debuted my art show last night, “The Journey of the Masculine through Shadow and Light” at my studio here in Tallahassee.  A part of the installation was a story that I channeled that morning and printed up, placing it underneath the 50 images that comprised this show.  I believe I was guided to make this art and to bring through this story in order to create a book.  However, I want to share The Story with you now. 

“Once upon a time, there was peace. 

The Masculine principle desired to expand its knowing of itself.  It began by making choices; these choices compressed All of Creation, towards the end of the Masculine knowing itself. 

The compressions resulted in the Masculine principle fracturing the world.  Manifestations included the subjugation of nature and the Masculine principle’s partner, the Feminine. 

In coming to know itself, the Masculine revealed the need for balance. 

All of Creation supported, in love, the Masculine’s desire to know itself.  All of Creation was in agreement with the expressions of the out-of-balance world that the Masculine created.  So, when the time came to correct the imbalance, the Feminine stepped in to bring balance. 

The Feminine principle held the space within which the Masculine began to mend the fractures.  The Feminine invoked the powers of balance to assist in the mending.  The return created a stirring in the hearts of humankind, which opened a door to a side of themselves they had forgotten. 

The return of the Feminine created a choice – to continue in the imbalance, or to embrace a new wholeness.  The choice became more and more apparent as the worlds collided; friction, the result of two coming together to become one, was the medium to invoke the choice. 

The friction became so prevalent as to capture All of Creation’s interest.  Spectators and supporters attended the Great Re-Balancing; across the farthest reaches The Story was felt and held.  The love that emanated from All Creation provided an alchemical support which increased the intensity of the friction. 

The increased friction acted like sandpaper, destroying old patterns.  Cleansing and re-ordering became the way of life.  The new wholeness was achieved through the union of the Feminine and the Masculine principles. 

Balance again reigned.”

What was interesting to me was that this channeled story has a happy ending, as if from a larger perspective, all of the pain and suffering that has resulted from the break between the masculine and feminine were just part of the “play”, and that in the end it really is just experience. 

However, the 50 images I was guided to create tell a different story…in graphic detail, I was shown over and over the fracturing and the pain and subjugation mentioned in The Story, yet there was no happy ending in the 50 images.  I was told that the human version of the story is told by the images, and that we’re not at the end yet.

I was so grateful for the considered questions and responses that folks had.   One man whispered quietly to me, “Thank you for not blaming the men for everything.”  It broke my heart, and made me glad I have access to another version of the story.

A flood of work is coming through me, and it seems to be very much in examination of the dynamic between the feminine and the masculine, both within each of us and in the collective whole.  I am beginning to see that part of my soul’s desire on the earth is to bring healing to the masculine through the embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.  I am brought to tears with this knowing. 

all contents copyright Licia Berry, 2010

Colorado Sky, by Peter Berry

April 21, 2010

Memphis Airport

Traveling by plane always makes me so philosophical.  Well, more philosophical.  There is something about being up in the sky that is a mind blower to me, and thus invites my thoughts to wander farther then usual.

When I was maybe 4 years old, I was taken on my first airplane ride to New Jersey to see my Great Grandmother.  What I remember about that ride is looking out at the clouds in absolute wonder and delight.  Having attended a Christian preschool, I announced to my mother that this was where God lived, and I believed it; the magnificence of the clouds in the sky took my breath away even then.  I also thought the clouds would taste great with my coke.

Over the years I have developed a fear of flying.  (My fight to stay on earth and claim my life became more of an attachment…I always do that pendulum swing, it seems.  Explore this reality, go in the opposite direction and experience that reality…you know, just to make sure I cover it all while I’m here.)  I have felt myself pulling away from earth and experienced what little ones must experience when they are pulled away form their mamas at preschool; a true sense of anxiety and panic about being separated from what holds and supports me.   

But the clouds will sometimes distract me in my despair, and I will lose myself in the wonder of them, even if for a few moments. 

I had a new experience just now as I was up in the clouds between Tallahassee and Memphis, my plane changing point.  As I moved up, I made a choice to let go of the earth and trust…and in that moment, I felt a clear sense of Great Father pulling me up into the sky.  Yes, I said pulling me up.  I don’t think the plane could have descended one bit with that magnetic pull going on.

Yes, I realize that there was not a magnet pulling up on the plane.  It was so interesting and wonderful to me to feel this in my body, to feel a sense of what Great Father feels like, and for the sky to be His domain.  It made me remember that some indigenous peoples say “Father Sky and Mother Earth”.  Suddenly that made sense to me.

There was something in that moment that was reminiscent of my childhood, when I was so clear that God lived up in this beautiful blue and white magical place.  I felt a similar sense of wonder and awe, like the door of my heart opened in an old way, and the sky returned to its place there.

Anybody else been rocked to the core in the last coupla weeks?  Last coupla months?  Last coupla years?  I mean, REALLY; I keep thinking it can’t get any more intense, but then it DOES, and I am left working with every tool in my PEMS (physical, emotional, mental spiritual) first-aid tool kit.  Is it just me, or are we moving forward at warp speed, sluffing off everything that’s not firmly latched down as we go hurtling into the future?

The image above is of the recent Icelandic volcanic eruptions, complete with amazing lightning striking into the volcano.  It’s not unusual or anything for that to happen due to the super-charged particles being emitted during eruptions…but I thought THAT’S a good picture of what it feels like is happening right now…Sure, a volcano is erupting, but just for good measure, we’re going to throw some kickin’ lightning bolts into the mix!    Just to make sure they’re paying attention!

For me, it has been a time recently of illusions being shattered…no, that’s not strong enough a word…exploded from the inside, down to the root of where I hold them.  Like dynamite bring thrown down a hole in a mountain, and the whole mountain goes KABLAM.  Yeah, that’s more like it.  No more mountain.  Mountain go bye-bye.

I KNOW it’s for my greater good to be illusion free….I KNOW we are evolving as a human consciousness and I KNOW we can’t carry our baggage with us where we are going.  But JEEEZZ. 

Next, I wanna see Godzilla stomping through the picture.  And the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

Soul Surrender, collage by Licia Berry 2007 (click on image for larger view)

“Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

Listen, listen, listen to my heart song…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…

I will never forget you, I will never forsake you…”

-round sung in sacred women’s circles, composer unknown

Sometimes we get so busy in our lives, moving in the direction we want to go, creating and doing, and sometimes things are going pretty well.  We are going along…

And then we get the spiritual 2 by 4 upside the head.

What happened?  The circumstances change…a job loss, a relationship crisis, an illness, or some other startling attention getter.  I thought I was doing good things.  I thought things were fine.  I thought things were the way I thought they were…

I have experience with this one.  Moving in a direction, thinking I am in alignment with myself…but what is really happening is that I am being driven by some part of myself that thinks it knows what’s best for me, and that part of myself is operating out of alignment with the LARGER me.  I will call that larger me “Soul” for the purposes of this exploration.

I know for a fact that we can create a life out of alignment with our soul; I have seen others do it, and I have almost done it.  Well, I guess there are degrees…I have seen some folks who seem to be creating WAY out of the ballpark of soul intention, and I have observed myself trying to create within a certain range of my soul’s intention, but not being spot on. 

Apparently, in my case, it is important to be spot on.

When I get the spiritual 2X4, I’m inclined to sit still and listen.  When I have had this situation in the past, it has been a most fortuitous course correction for me.  To my credit, I don’t get knocked down, dust myself off and hop up to continue whatever I was doing.  I do change course.  As long as I am listening.

Listening seems to be a feminine trait…and by feminine, I mean Sacred Feminine.  Doing and forging forward are things that feel masculine to me, or left brain.  To sit and be still, and listen…I only found my ability to do this when I remembered my right brain, or feminine self. 

The last time this happened for me personally was when I broke my right (masculine) ankle…it served to gain my attention in ways that other smaller attention getters had not.  You can bet that I made a promise with myself that I would catch these course corrections served up on a silver platter when they were more subtle messages.  No more broken bones for me, thank you.  I pay attention much more closely now to those whispers, those animals that stray across my path, the words a friend says in passing…I have my nose to the wind, almost all the time.  But we all have our blind spots, so it is important to set aside time to sit still and listen.

What does it feel like to listen, to be still and know?  It feels like coming home.  It feels like the return into the arms of the most wonderful, loving parent.  It feels like being in the lap of goodness, or with the most trusted friend.  I experience my soul/spirit as so knowing and wise and loving, it is hard to believe I would ever NOT want to listen.

But I know…We get caught up in our ideas of what we want to do, or are driven by fear or attachment or some other egoic construct to behave in ways that take us further and further away from that pure intent that our soul has for us.  And the kind and beneficent universe reminds us where our balance lies, and we are given the opportunity once again to be still and know.

Sage- A Tribute to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, collage by Licia Berry, 2009 (click on image for larger view)

Last night in my nightly bedtime guidance sessions, I was guided to visualize myself in right relationship with my power.  This is not the first time I have explored what authentic, rightful power means.  Perhaps it is the central issue I have worked around my whole life.

I’ve resisted the idea of “power” for many years like many others who were not in their power.  I thought power meant being mean, unkind, dominant, just like I observed as a child in my own home or at school when the bullies would exert their will on others.  To me, power was a dirty word.

But in the last few years, as I have aged and come more into my own feelings of acceptance for myself and my unique way of viewing the world, I have felt my understanding of true power change.  I feel authentic power being a core sense of Self with a capital “S”, and living from that place.

What does that look like?  To me, it is walking in the world with confidence and grace, unflappable, loving self and all creation, fearlessly looking inward to traverse the inner landscape and harvest the wisdom, and from that deep well of inner knowing, offering to others what we have learned.   It is inner balance, the ecstatic union of my inner Sacred Feminine and inner Divine Masculine.  It is knowing our place in the connectedness of the Web of Life, feeling our own part of the puzzle as well as our wholeness.  It is a feeling, more than action, I think.  When I feel into it, it feels like claiming my body and the earth, loving my life, being the truth of an inspirited human.

What does power look like to you?