Posts Tagged ‘subconscious’

She's Coming...collage by Licia Berry, 2010

When I made this piece last month (click on the image above to see larger), I was utterly fascinated by it.  Utilizing an old advertisement for “The 50 Ft. Woman” film, I cut carefully around this epic female and placed her in the remote and rocky landscape of the Four Corners area of the American southwest, one of my old stomping grounds.

What has surprised me is how captivated I still am.  When I look at this image, I feel excitement, expectancy, recognition.  I feel it in my body. 

I have walked the ground in this place.  I lived in the southwest for 10 out of my 45 years, enough to get a feel for the magic and history and intensity of this area of our country.  The openness of the skies feels like a direct connection to spirit; the color of the ground and rocks are like an artist’s canvas (have you ever seen pink and purple dirt before?); the quality of light in the dry air makes everything so clear.  There is nothing like it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I live there for more of my remaining time on the planet; it gets in your blood and in your mind, and calls to you when you are away.

So when this immense woman wanted to be placed in this sacred location, I wasn’t too surprised; what HAS me rapt is the story that is unfolding in my consciousness through this image.

I’ve known for some time (eons?) that the Sacred Feminine enjoyed Her place in the sun on this earth thousands of years ago, then needed to go underground as human consciousness explored the imbalance of power of the immature masculine.  The whispering of this tale started as I began to have children; the keys in my own body began to unlock this ancient knowing as I felt Her awaken.  The awareness has continued to hit home in more conscious ways as I grow older and more trusting of my body and its messages to me.  

I have also learned in my shamanic and inner process work that the rocks of the earth are very much like the bones of the body; they hold memory in their dense structures.  The stone, whether it is on the surface or deep under the gaze of our eyes underground, retains the knowing of what has transpired here.  In indigenous knowing, the “rock people” are said to speak to those who will listen.  I’ve been listening to the rocks for some years now.  They speak slowly, and they are wise.  They are some of my most trusted elders.

This is what has been whispered to me: from the lore of old, a primeval tale begins to spin from the weaver’s web.  The ancient story goes: She of the earth, and the body and the feminine ways of knowing, She-the other half of existence- retreated to the far, remote places due to the imbalance that human consciousness explored.  It wasn’t safe to express Her; many, many lives were lost to drive home the point that She was not wanted any longer.  

And so, She became of the rocks and earth again, She backed away, retreating to the subconscious, a distant memory that has almost faded to nothingness.  And She waited.  Buried under the ground, buried in the depths of the black void of the earth, buried in the cells of our bodies and the collective mind.  Until there were enough of us to hold Her memory again, to bring Her back to life on this earth, to embody Her consciousness again and bring the earth into balance. 

I look at this image and I feel Her eyes open, the crust of sleep falling as pebbles from her eyelashes.  While the ravens caw and circle overhead, I feel Her stiff body disengage from the womb of earth that held Her tenderly and securely while She slept.  While the mountain lion gazes comfortably from its rocky perch, I feel Her stretch under the power of the enlivening sun, the kiss of Great Father, who blesses, welcomes and heralds Her return.  And I feel her intent as She strides across the vast desert floor, the weight of Her immense body shaking the very ground as She walks.  She has a date with the people of earth.

This image, born of my own subconscious, tells me that She is re-born out of memory, and into waking life.  She of the earth, the rocks, cradled while She went to sleep (out of necessity), has been awakened and has re-emerged in humanity’s consciousness.  And She’s coming.

Archangel Raphael by Nemo

Lovely readers, thank you so much for coming here and indulging me by reading my writing.  It is such a wonderful thing to connect with you through ideas and sharing, and to hear yours, too!

I want to say a bit about the fact that I work with the angelic spectrum of consciousness.  This may come as a surprise to some of you, and others of you have known it for some years. 

I have had direct experiences since I was very small of the “invisible world”.  My knowing of these realms that we cannot see is ingrained, innate, and intrinsic.  I don’t question it (well, not anymore…I did for a short period of time in my early adult life when I was so lost that I almost couldn’t feel them anymore).  For me, the invisible realms and (the consciousness that inhabits them) are a given.

When the spirits of deceased or the spirit of the wind or a tree or the earth spoke to me as a child, I didn’t question its validity or my own sanity.  Now that I have come back into a comfort level with this knowing, my life is so much easier!

I “check in” every day, several times a day with the invisible realm.  When I say “check in”, I mean I sit down for an intentional conversation.  I do this to ask for assistance, for guidance, and sometimes just for reassurance.  I find this to be a very life affirming practice for me.

Here’s how I think of it: we are all part of the Great Web of Life.  We are each aspects of the Great Web of Life.  Each of us aspects are connected to the others.  I consider a molecule, a cell, a person, a plant, a petal on a flower, a bug, and animal, a particle of dust…you name it, it is All Part of Creation in my understanding.  The aspects of consciousness that happen to be invisible are just aspects that are not in a spectrum of our capability of physical seeing.  I have seen “invisibles” many times in my life, but only when I was in the internal space to be able to see them.

I choose only to work with the aspects of creation that are kind, respectful, unconditionally loving and honoring of free will.  That’s a tall order in some cases, because just because you’re invisible doesn’t mean you necessarily fit into these categories!  (Just ‘cause you’re dead doesn’t mean you’re wise or kind!)  I used to entertain invisible folks who did NOT fit into these categories, and they were not particularly nice or helpful.  Just like us physical folks; some are with the program of love, and others just aren’t.     

I feel that we all tap into what’s called in quantum physics the “morphic field”, or in psychology the “collective unconscious”, or what I call All Creation to some degree or another. Some of us do it more consciously than others, too.  The aspects of Creation that I call Angelic are the ones who meet the description I gave above, and they are some of my most reliable helpers.  Those aspects of Creation are my “go-to guys”.

I am uncomfortable being associated with “new age” spirituality, however.  This thing I do is not a new or pop culture bandwagon for me.  It is my way of life, and has been since I was 2 years old (that I can remember, maybe earlier?)  I don’t have ease with multiple worlds because it is fashionable or “spiritual”…I interact with multiple worlds because they are part of All Creation, and I choose to honor and work in partnership with All Creation as much as I am able to do it.  I consciously partner with the invisible worlds because those invisible worlds share life with me, because that’s the way it IS.  To not acknowledge them feels disrespectful.

So, when you hear me talk about angels and what they told me, please know I am not going round the bend.  I am merely exercising my inter-connectivity muscles and reporting what I am being given from aspects of Creation that want to help, and dearly love me (and all of us).

I’m not talking about harp-playing, winged creatures in robes flying about (although when I have seen them, they ARE quite large!)  I am speaking of a very high-level consciousness that has a large perspective of things.  We humans give them names because we feel the quality of energy they portray; it is a way of helping our little human minds make sense of their vastness to fit them into a box with a name on it.  But in reality, I don’t think they have “names” per se…more, they exhibit a certain quality (such as healing, or communication, protection, etc.) and we decide to call that energy by a name. 

I feel this way about what I call the “earth people”, what some refer to as fairies and elves and gnomes.  When I refer to Great Mother and Great Father, I am talking about aspects of creation that embody those varied qualities of feminine and masculine.  What I call Archangels are an aspect of creation very close to our Source (whatever that may be), and each inhabit and are “in charge” of particular qualities of energy.  What I call Angels are the “step-down” from Archangelic realm; they are an energy interface between our human selves and the Archangel realm.  How did I come by this information?  Oh, goodness, that’s a whole other post!

There is a whole host of wonderful aspects of creation that we can’t see, and if we want to step into that world a bit to play, the benefits are boundless.

…cause I’ve been called one!  Seriously!

The town we used to live in, small as it was, had several churches.  There is a meeting of the spiritual leaders of those churches called the Pastoral Alliance.  And, as it goes in small towns, there is not a lot to talk about except for gossip. 

One of the more enlightened pastors of this group (who has since been fired from his position at his church and moved elsewhere) spoke to me quietly at a party about something that made me sit up and take notice.  Here was the conversation:

Licia: “I would really like to meet with other spiritual leaders in the community to exchange ideas and support one another.  It gets lonely sometimes to be one that folks come to for spiritual guidance.”

Cool Pastor: (squirming uncomfortably)

L:  “Is there any kind of support group or meeting of spiritual leaders here?”

CP: (falteringly) “Yessssss…”

L: (excited) “Oh, do you think I could come?!”

CP:  (sheepishly) “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

L:  (genuinely puzzled) “Why not?”

CP:  “Because the Pastoral Alliance is afraid of you.”

L:  “HUH?!  …Am I not the nicest person that you know?”

CP:  “Yes, you are a very nice person.  But they have had a meeting recently in which you were identified as a public enemy.”

L:  (kind of laughing, thinking it is a joke) “WHAT?!”

CP:  (looking very sad) “They have read some of your writing, and your beliefs are very threatening to their beliefs.  They feel that you are dangerous to their congregations.” 

L: (stunned) “Wow.”

CP:  “I’m sorry.”

L:  “What century is this again?”

I learned later that my children were taunted at school.  “Your mom is a witch.”  And not just by other children!  Not one person in that little town had the balls (or ovaries) to come say this to my face, but they sure were talking about it.

It’s made me think a lot since then.  What is a witch anyway?  I learned from my early Christian preschool conditioning and the Wizard of Oz that witches are bad, Bad, BAD. When I hear the word and me in the same sentence, my blood runs cold.  But why?

I am writing a long piece about this that will continue, but I needed to get this out there for some feedback.  In my quest for truth, consciousness and challenging the status quo, I want to know:

What is your definition of the word “Witch?”  Here’s what dictionary.com had to say:

Witch –noun

I’m not buying it. 

Let me hear from you…I really want to know!

The completion of the last moon cycle on the 15th saw me on my knees, raking through the deep sand and mud in the subterranean waters I have been visiting of late.  I swam with the dark fishes through underwater caverns, navigating dark, narrow passages as I searched for missing pieces of my life.

It has been a challenging few weeks for me; Thanksgiving kicked off some wild feelings of powerlessness, a waft of a former age, when I used to be a child.  Catching the scent of those crazy holidays with my family of origin and all of its ghosts was enough to trigger my inner child into being very present. 

She (my inner child) is alternately delighted with the holiday time, and so, so, so fearful and anxious and sad.  The old days were scary.  The evidence of that is her terror.  My job is to hold her hand and be as loving and capable a parent as I can to her.  Sometimes, it is hard to remember that I am both the parent and the inner child, though….when the little me has feelings, they can seem so big as to blot out the rest of the world.  It then becomes apparent it is time to don the trusty diving suit, plug into the oxygen machine at the surface, and go down into the depths with her, because she IS trying to show me something.  It is always the trick to remember not to dive alone.

In shamanic work, we know that retrieval of disenchanted parts of ourselves is a healthy and necessary expression of our wholeness.  This is seen in psychology, too, where the desire and intent of therapeutic work is to integrate the compartmentalized aspects of self. 

This is exactly what I have been doing when I elect to follow my inner child’s call down into the dark waters.  A kind of waking shamanic journey, we enter the earth through openings in the mountains, holes in the earth, and travel quickly through the rocks and soil, passing moles and earthworms, until we emerge into the caves and caverns deep underground.  There, we then must swim the great black seas that exist where the sun doesn’t shine, for at the bottom lies treasure.

There are dangers, though, to this work.  Sometimes, the immense pressure of this deep inner environment is enough to make my eyes want to pop out of my head.  I can feel the pressure of the vast waters and the miles of earth on top of me in my body, as I walk here on the topside through my day, shopping for groceries or driving my children to orthodontist appointments.  How interesting, I think, as I merge safely into traffic, while underneath I am reaching through dark crevices to see if a gem, or part of myself, is inside.  How odd, I notice, as I kiss my husband while I am digging through the primordial slime and hitting something of note with my fingertips.  I live in many worlds simultaneously.

In shamanism, it is important to have your lifeline attached when you go into the other worlds to retrieve those parts, or you can get lost.  I have fortunately chosen some very able and supportive helpers in my life who hold me and love me as I writhe around and wrestle with those dark creatures under the water that threaten to hold me down until I give up.  Just when I feel I am going to lose my life or my mind because something powerful and I have gotten ahold of each other, either my own soul and spirit give me the strength suddenly to bring the great beast to the surface, where I can look at it in the eye and see it is not going to kill me…..or some grace-filled creature or person in my life senses I am floundering and reaches a hand down through the layers of reality and pulls me up.  Thank Godde for love.

Now that the new moon cycle has begun on the 16^th, I experience a release of pressure.  I am back topside.  I retrieved some great bounty from the depths these last few weeks, and have now emerged with the spoils, breathless but alive and jubilant, at the surface.  Navigating the multiple worlds that I do, they all collapse into one world, the here and now, and I am more powerful because more of me is here, playing happily in the sun.

In my inner guidance time this morning, I asked what to write about-my question comes in the form of “what to offer humanity today”.  I was interested that the guidance came in very clearly to write about the fear for our survival, and the suggestion to heal that fear.

The fear for survival is one that is a collective as well as individual fear that we are being faced with.  It is so deep under the surface of our daily walk that we don’t know it is there.  But the fear of ceasing to exist ranks up there as one of the greatest there are.

Naming this fear alternately seems so basic and yet such a revolutionary act.  We have so many other issues we are looking at; gay marriage, religious tolerance, racial affirmation, women’s rights, children’s protection, world peace.   I certainly have spent time and energy on all of these worthy pursuits!  But they all become a moot point if humanity no longer exists. 

What could be more basic, more primal, than our relationship with our Home?  The ground we walk on, the physical matter from which we came, is so under our noses that we cannot see it.  We take for granted what is the most beneficent force in our daily physical lives.

My sense is that it is important to name this fear.  I find that naming something within me is the first step towards healing it.  Otherwise, it has power over me because it is unconsciously driving me.  Naming a fear calls it to the surface of my attention, and allows me to look it in the eye, size it up, and deal with it.

The next step in healing after naming what is happening is to accept that this is going on.  I am surprised how often we will deny that something is wounded inside of us, and amazed by the expert coping mechanisms we will develop in order to continue to deny it.  It is only possible to change if we accept that there is indeed an issue first. 

The next important step is to make a choice about whether we want this issue to be an unconscious driver in our lives anymore.  This is a pivotal moment.  Once I can see something and name it, then accept it is an issue within me, I have the power to do something to change the situation or to let it lie.  I find that making the choice to change is a powerful decision that moves worlds, both within and without me, that support the change.

We are threatened like we never have been before…of course, there have always been threats to our survival, whether it was the herd of buffalo we stalked trampling us, or the famine, or the bomb…but now it is the very ground we walk on that is compromised. 

We cannot underestimate the intensity of the fear that we are all carrying, whether we are conscious of it or not.  Under the surface of our thoughts, under the skin of every decision we make, there is the question as to whether or not we will survive.  We make some very poor and short sighted decisions because of this fear.

If humanity wants to be around for more than another 100 years, then each of us as kernels of the collective must make decisions that ensure our survival.  Naming, accepting, and then choosing to change the issues that prevent us from having a balanced relationship with Home is the way to heal.  The earth will go on without us, that is for sure.  But if we want a world for our descendants, we have to get right with Home.  There is no escape.

In cultivating respect for our partner in physical existence, the Earth, we must heal ourselves and ensure a future for our species.  In healing our own fear for our survival, we can begin to create this ideal relationship with Home.

Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems painful can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.

-Henry Miller

I was prompted in my inner guidance time this morning to write about the immense amount of subconscious process that I am going through.  I asked, “What about it, any particular theme?”  I was told, “Just tell people that it’s happening.”

Well, okay….I am now going to tell you that I am undergoing deep subconscious work, but will spare you the details of it for now (that I find so interesting).  Maybe the details will come later.

It is happening below the surface, and feels way out and big, like soul kind of work.  I am going through the motions of my day, feeling my feelings, functioning, being present to what needs to get done (I am a mom and beloved and friend and volunteer and run a household and write and, and, and….after all), but I am also doing this deep inner work right now. 

I don’t know if I am that different from other people.  I believe that we are all undergoing deep, immense change right now, whether we are aware of it or not.  I believe that there is a larger collective experience of inner limits being challenged and that this is why I see so many beautiful “falling-apart” experiences.  Sure, it’s uncomfortable, even painful when your world unhinges and things you thought were real and concrete crumble before your eyes….but I feel this is a healthy thing.  I feel we are all being freed from our inner prisons, if we will but walk out of the open doors.

Maybe what makes me a little bit different from the majority of folks is that I am aware of these energy processes going on, within and without me, and attempt to describe them.  I feel I am creating a road map of long forgotten territory, and leaving breadcrumbs for others to follow, if they so desire.  I know a very few others that are doing this, too….we feel cycles and movement and process going on, and attempt to describe what we are seeing, feeling and experiencing to the rest of the world as a service and as self preservation. 

I think about this stuff a lot; well, all the time.  My inner life is very rich, and always has been.  I was told by my good friend Madelyn Aslan, a very gifted and well known psychic, that if I wrote every minute of every day for the rest of my life I would not be able to empty out all the thoughts and awarenesses in my mind.  This feels true to me; I’d better get on the ball. 

So, I’m going to describe the process I’m undergoing right now since I was guided to, as best I can.  Bear with me. 

I feel distinctly that I am here, in my life, doing what needs to be done, smiling at people (most of the time), being out in the world…..and at the same time there is another me, much, much bigger than the me that is driving the car or going to the grocery store or having intellectual debates on FaceBook, who is conducting a grand symphony, and yet I am also all the players in it.  Do you get that image? 

I’ve had glimpses lately of what it must feel like to be the Source of All Things.  I feel myself being inclusive of so many perspectives and so many life experiences…. And understanding them.  I have felt that I was big enough to hold all of the world’s diverse life forms and their instincts, their beliefs, their habits.  Recognizing my own “Source-ness” has made me wonder if that is what we are all being challenged to do right no…to open up, to surrender our little tiny boxes that we put around us to make us feel safe, so that we can live bigger, more fulfilling, more loving lives.

Back in 2000 when my spiritual journey took a strong upturn in intensity, I had the very profound experience over a couple of years of feeling that I was unearthing something that had been buried in the earth for many thousands of years.  I had dreams of a language of light that I read in great tomes, and my voice wanted to sing languages I did not know.  My belly felt like a great black cauldron inside that was very full and wanted to express through my throat and voice and sound.  Once, I leaned against a very old oak tree on our property, and while I did I experienced making contact with the tree’s essence.  I felt it awaken underneath me, and we recognized each other…then suddenly, I saw in my mind’s eye that the tree was transmitting symbols from the ground up, in the same language of light that I had seen in my dreams.  Somehow, my being willing to be open to this was what opened the door for this information to move upward, into the light.  This was a somewhat new experience at the time for me, to be awake to a larger collective and psychic process so clearly.

A couple of years ago I had a taste of this feeling of deep subconscious process going on…it was in January of 2007 that it started, when I was first in touch with an biological Aunt that I had not been in touch with for many years.  Being in her presence initiated a cascade of what I can only describe as inner avalanches, and I tumbled down, down, down with the debris that was dislodged, settling eventually down at the bottom of the sea.

I was under this inner sea for many months…I had the distinct feeling that I was swimming at the bottom of a great ocean, exploring caves and communing with the sea creatures, many of whom became my helpers in retrieving gems buried in the sand.  The collage above is the one I made to describe that experience.  But I was living and breathing in the Upper World, the one where the sun is shining, and I was talking to people, and going about my day…..this was all occurring at the same time that a deep inner process was going on.  It reminds me of the desert, a vast dry hot and seemingly barren place, which was once a vast sea teeming with life.  What is apparent is not always what is truly going on.

My current process here at the end of 2009 feels a little different…I don’t quite have the visceral experience of being under a great sea…I feel more like I am under the earth, in some great caverns miles below the surface.  I feel the pressure of the ground above me.  It is so quiet and so still there….and dark, yes, sometimes.  I am feeling my way.  It feels like I am down here (there) moving forward with my hands outstretched, occasionally stumbling over rocks or rises in the cavern floors.  But then I will see a mysterious light around the corner or at the end of some tunnel, and it calls me, and it is my soul telling me that all is well, to rest, to trust.  I arrive into a room that is lit by a fantastic purple series of cascading lights, falling like stars, except that it doesn’t end.  The trails from these purple stars create a matrix, a kind of grid, which makes me think very much of the Great Web of life.  What does this all mean?  I am not certain, but it is a fascinating journey. 

And so, my mind wonders why I was guided to tell you all about this subterranean process happening for me.  Is it perhaps because you are wondering if you are losing your mind because you feel something happening to you too?  Because you feel the slippery slope of your old world crumbling away and you think you are alone in this experience?  Is it because you feel something deeper happening within you but don’t know what to name it?  Is it just to give you a piece of information to consider?  Is it because I am able to put some words around something that is very hard to explain?  Or is it because there are others in the world who are experiencing this thing that I am, and that I need the reassurance that I am not alone?