The most recent translation of my Midlife Collage will examine the latest elements that I was guided to add.  They bring some interesting medicine!

• parsley – I utilize plant medicine as part of my energy work, so seeing parsley was a cue to me to ask parsley for some medicine.  Parsley is associated with regeneration, helping one have an open mindset to new ideas, including to guidance from inner realms.  
• the swinging lady - happy, playful, reaching for Spirit, me! 
• “marriage”  – refers to the marriage of my inner feminine and masculine, something I have been working on fervently for the last few years 
• “glorious debris” – when I ask about this one, I am given an image of the tail of a comet; there is beautiful stuff flying off the main body as it moves through space.  I get the feeling of releasing what’s in the way of living an authentic life, the life I have committed to live in the time I have left.  I think that this is how we get down to the essence of something, and that what’s left is what’s real. 

Perhaps this is what I’ve been doing as I navigate through midlife?  No doubt about it.  I feel as though I have been sandpapered, sculpted, stripped, honed, planed, whittled, and cleansed since I turned 42 years of age.  I really get the idea of midlife being a rebirth; it truly is an opportunity, a trial by fire, to come back to my core essence and decide again how I want to live my life. 

I’m so grateful for the messages and support of All Creation in all of its forms, and it is especially delicious when it comes through these guided collages that I dowse for myself and others.  There is something magical about seeing which images are chosen; I feel like a treasure hunter hitting gold when I hear the translation for the images and it makes so much sense.  I’m reminded (yet again) how much we are loved, how much we are supported, how connected we are to everything in the Web of Life.

This collage is not finished; as a matter of  fact, I am told that I will add something to it this week!  Oh goody.  What will my next support be?

Glorious Debris-Midlife Card (Back), collage by Licia Berry, 2009 copyright

The continuing story of my Midlife Collage! 

After the initial 4 elements were in place, some months later I was guided to place the above image and wording on the back of the collage.

What does this mean?

First of all, for just one lovely image (it is artwork from the WeMoon calendar) to have been chosen, it must be powerful; it carries an energy that doesn’t need other images to complete the story.  The words “Deepen into Nature” just compliment or affirm the image.

Secondly, for the image to be chosen for the back tells me that it is a foundational piece of information.  The back of the collage is the spine, the thing that holds the collage together.   Deepening into Nature is a primary suggestion for me to navigate my passage through midlife.

Of course the image itself is full of symbolism!    It is steeped in symbols of the Sacred Feminine, the earth, transformation, higher knowing and growth.  Fits right in!

Nature used to be my best friend; it rejuvinated me, gave me fresh eyes, reminded me who I really am and the bigness of the universe we live in.  Nature, since it is inherently balanced, helps me re-balance.  Over the last few years, though, I seem to have shifted my focus to more indoor activities.  It was a good prompt to get back in touch with my old friend.

You can see that I have used the back of the card to record the dates that I have been guided to add something new.  It is interesting to me now as I look back on starting this card how much of what was shown to me has absolutely been my journey!

Next…parsley, the swinging lady, “marriage” and “glorious debris”!

"Motion", collage by Licia Berry 2010 copyright

A favorite poem, something to remind all of us how amazing we are…

“Invictus”

Out of the night that covers me,

Receiving, collage by Licia Berry, 2010

Sunday, July the 11^th is the new moon and total solar eclipse.  I hear from astrologer friends it is going to be a big one; this is confirmed by my invisible friends.  It is a new moon in Cancer, a water sign, involving family, relationships, feelings and the Sacred Feminine. 

For weeks preceding this event, I have been coming into wonderful alignment within, marveling at the information Consciousness is bringing through me for the book on Sacred Union and feeling great love for and connection with my husband after a time of challenge. It is blissful.

A couple of days before the event, I start to feel a little tension inside, a feeling of being a little less in the flow.  Fits and starts.

Sunday I ask for suggestions about how to work with the energy the most effectively, and am told to align with the energy of the eclipse, and do.  I feel the push to focus on what I want in my life, what new energy I want to bring in.  I do this.  I think about healing and love in my relationship with Peter, success and fulfillment in my work, joy with my children, healing and love for the waters and the world.   Ease and flow in my life.

We watch the world cup final and it is full of contention and conflict as one team plays dirty.  The other team, the better soccer players, win the tournament.  The octopus is right again.  Pete says 4 billion people are watching this game; it is amazing to be part of something that so many in the collective are involved in at the same time.  We bring thoughts of healing the gulf waters into this mix at this time.  I feel the beginning of a deep wave within me start to build momentum that night.

Monday, July the 12^th:  I awaken with a very sore jaw; I have been grinding my back teeth again, hard.  I feel odd, a little separate from my body.  I know this feeling; it is the feeling of something being “up” in my energy field.

I have immense release of grief and outdated energy dealing with feelings of unworthiness in the studio.  Very, very painful, racking sobs ripping from my heart, holding my head.  I am stunned by the depth of this wound, the message that I am bad, unworthy of love, a waste of space, a bother, etc.  This goes back too far for me to remember the origin of it, prior to age 2. I realize that all of my life I have been trying to prove that wrong while secretly believing it.  At times, it has felt like trying to hold back the tide with my finger in the dyke, and today I have to give in to the pain of this internalized feeling about myself.  It is what I have tried to hold myself above forever, the thing I would not let myself feel.

July 13^th:   I am very scattered in my energy, have trouble hearing intuitively when it is usually so easy.  Trying to do work is almost impossible.  I give up and ask what is going on, and am told that major energy movement has occurred in my system due to the release and that I am re-making myself.  The falling apart in order to be put back together in a new, improved way.  It feels like chaos.  I choose to be very easy on myself for the rest of the day.

July 14^th:  Awaken with sore jaw again, but feeling more “together”, as if the parts that were scattered about yesterday have come into a more seamless alignment.  I have profound awareness of and write about the imbalanced masculine within me and its efforts to prove wrong that I am unworthy through competitive behavior, seeking outer approval from the world, the pushing drive to be seen and be shown through physical evidence that I am loved. I see a tough little boy with his arms crossed and a defensive, protective scowl on his face. 

My inner masculine is so concerned about the outcome; he has a feeling of panic for his survival –All about the outer drive to succeed, to “make it”, to get the outcome, rather than the focus of being in the moment and revealing the message that is truth in my heart.  He is my internalized father, the one who pushes and forces, rather than acts in accordance with the feminine’s knowing.

I have made out-of-balance decisions from this place; this has led to things occurring that did not serve me in the end.  I have made some choices through this filter that had unpleasant consequences, such as pushing my divine timing.  I cry with grateful tears for this knowing, and wrap this wounded inner masculine up with Great Mothers arms within.  He needs love so much.  I rock him.  Hush, child…..heal, child.  Shhhhh.  In the feelings of being safe in the arms of the Sacred Feminine, my imbalanced inner masculine calms; he lets go of the need to prove himself as worthy.  Suddenly it doesn’t matter if I am successful, known, recognized, famous, fulfilling my purpose by reaching lots of people, etc.  I am overcome with feelings of love and connection.

As I drive to the studio, I have trouble focusing on the act of operating the car because I am having distinct sensations of being All That Is, the knowing of the truth of this, that I could say “Wake Up, Dreamer” and I, along with all of physical reality, would cease to exist. A feeling of death approaching, or the end of some existence….the threshold is close.  Looking back on my life as if it were a story or a dream, with fondness.  It is all okay.

July 15^th:  Another awareness of the pain in my life as a great teacher, including this year with a girlfriend that has triggered feelings of betrayal (this has happened over and over in my life).  Again as I am driving to the studio, I thank her out loud for being a teacher, for she has brought to my attention my core mother wound; she has been of service in this way.  I set the intention to heal my core mother wound from the inside out.  Perhaps she and I have helped each other with this mother stuff.  Interestingly, I am also guided to set intentions around receiving from the universe. 

Also very thankful for those who came into my life not bearing pain, but love and acceptance…I have learned and am learning much from them, as well.  I think I am moving towards learning in that way as much if not more than in the painful way. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be painful to learn.

I must be one powerful, big Being to have signed one for so many lessons in this life!  I’m smiling as I write this, feeling appreciation for myself and a sense of humor about it all.  I guess it’s true I like to learn.

I’m aware that the collective energy has been very intense these last weeks and days, but that every one has a different journey.  I do feel there is a common thread, though; I think it’s that we are being grown, being brought into more and more integrity with our true nature, being “pruned” of the things that aren’t in alignment with our authentic soul and expression.  If I allow this, open to it, flow with it, I find this kind of support to be a beautiful expression of how All Creation loves me with the tenderest of hearts.  It feels like coming Home.

Anybody else been rocked to the core in the last coupla weeks?  Last coupla months?  Last coupla years?  I mean, REALLY; I keep thinking it can’t get any more intense, but then it DOES, and I am left working with every tool in my PEMS (physical, emotional, mental spiritual) first-aid tool kit.  Is it just me, or are we moving forward at warp speed, sluffing off everything that’s not firmly latched down as we go hurtling into the future?

The image above is of the recent Icelandic volcanic eruptions, complete with amazing lightning striking into the volcano.  It’s not unusual or anything for that to happen due to the super-charged particles being emitted during eruptions…but I thought THAT’S a good picture of what it feels like is happening right now…Sure, a volcano is erupting, but just for good measure, we’re going to throw some kickin’ lightning bolts into the mix!    Just to make sure they’re paying attention!

For me, it has been a time recently of illusions being shattered…no, that’s not strong enough a word…exploded from the inside, down to the root of where I hold them.  Like dynamite bring thrown down a hole in a mountain, and the whole mountain goes KABLAM.  Yeah, that’s more like it.  No more mountain.  Mountain go bye-bye.

I KNOW it’s for my greater good to be illusion free….I KNOW we are evolving as a human consciousness and I KNOW we can’t carry our baggage with us where we are going.  But JEEEZZ. 

Next, I wanna see Godzilla stomping through the picture.  And the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz.

She's Coming...collage by Licia Berry, 2010

When I made this piece last month (click on the image above to see larger), I was utterly fascinated by it.  Utilizing an old advertisement for “The 50 Ft. Woman” film, I cut carefully around this epic female and placed her in the remote and rocky landscape of the Four Corners area of the American southwest, one of my old stomping grounds.

What has surprised me is how captivated I still am.  When I look at this image, I feel excitement, expectancy, recognition.  I feel it in my body. 

I have walked the ground in this place.  I lived in the southwest for 10 out of my 45 years, enough to get a feel for the magic and history and intensity of this area of our country.  The openness of the skies feels like a direct connection to spirit; the color of the ground and rocks are like an artist’s canvas (have you ever seen pink and purple dirt before?); the quality of light in the dry air makes everything so clear.  There is nothing like it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I live there for more of my remaining time on the planet; it gets in your blood and in your mind, and calls to you when you are away.

So when this immense woman wanted to be placed in this sacred location, I wasn’t too surprised; what HAS me rapt is the story that is unfolding in my consciousness through this image.

I’ve known for some time (eons?) that the Sacred Feminine enjoyed Her place in the sun on this earth thousands of years ago, then needed to go underground as human consciousness explored the imbalance of power of the immature masculine.  The whispering of this tale started as I began to have children; the keys in my own body began to unlock this ancient knowing as I felt Her awaken.  The awareness has continued to hit home in more conscious ways as I grow older and more trusting of my body and its messages to me.  

I have also learned in my shamanic and inner process work that the rocks of the earth are very much like the bones of the body; they hold memory in their dense structures.  The stone, whether it is on the surface or deep under the gaze of our eyes underground, retains the knowing of what has transpired here.  In indigenous knowing, the “rock people” are said to speak to those who will listen.  I’ve been listening to the rocks for some years now.  They speak slowly, and they are wise.  They are some of my most trusted elders.

This is what has been whispered to me: from the lore of old, a primeval tale begins to spin from the weaver’s web.  The ancient story goes: She of the earth, and the body and the feminine ways of knowing, She-the other half of existence- retreated to the far, remote places due to the imbalance that human consciousness explored.  It wasn’t safe to express Her; many, many lives were lost to drive home the point that She was not wanted any longer.  

And so, She became of the rocks and earth again, She backed away, retreating to the subconscious, a distant memory that has almost faded to nothingness.  And She waited.  Buried under the ground, buried in the depths of the black void of the earth, buried in the cells of our bodies and the collective mind.  Until there were enough of us to hold Her memory again, to bring Her back to life on this earth, to embody Her consciousness again and bring the earth into balance. 

I look at this image and I feel Her eyes open, the crust of sleep falling as pebbles from her eyelashes.  While the ravens caw and circle overhead, I feel Her stiff body disengage from the womb of earth that held Her tenderly and securely while She slept.  While the mountain lion gazes comfortably from its rocky perch, I feel Her stretch under the power of the enlivening sun, the kiss of Great Father, who blesses, welcomes and heralds Her return.  And I feel her intent as She strides across the vast desert floor, the weight of Her immense body shaking the very ground as She walks.  She has a date with the people of earth.

This image, born of my own subconscious, tells me that She is re-born out of memory, and into waking life.  She of the earth, the rocks, cradled while She went to sleep (out of necessity), has been awakened and has re-emerged in humanity’s consciousness.  And She’s coming.

A Self Love Ritual

If you’ve been looking for a way to create a new spark in your relationship with yourself, a love ritual might be just the idea for you! 

Try this exercise: light a candle in a quiet room where you won’t be interrupted.  Invite your highest aspects in to the ritual to assist you (whoever you feel they may be…use your words….highest teachers, masters, angels, Source, etc.) 

Read this passage excerpted from the bible, and while reading it, feel as if the words are written for you (they are).  Imagine you are reading this to yourself, who is sitting across the flame from you.  Feel the words go into your heart.

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
-I Corinthians 13:4-8

Can you allow yourself to feel this great love for you?  Are you open to the possibility that when these words were spoken by the master Jesus, that he was indeed speaking about loving yourself unconditionally? 

Notice the feelings that come up while you read this to your Beloved Self.  What beliefs do you hold about yourself that prevent you from experiencing this kind of love?  Write them down.  Then, in this ceremonial space, set the intention to release those beliefs.  Breathe deeply with each intention to seat it in your body.  You may even want to burn those pieces of paper with the old, outdated beliefs written on them.  Then, to replace those outdated beliefs, you can set intentions to:

*Love my self unconditionally

*Experience and embody the unconditional love that I truly am

*Allow the flow of unconditional love from Prime Source to flow through me and radiate outwards to all I come in contact with

*See myself as Angelic Consciousness and Prime Source see me, and Love myself as they love me

Close the Love Ritual by thanking your Beloved Self/Prime Source/ Angelic Consciousness/all of your helpers for guiding you.

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Buddha

You are a miracle. You have within you incredible power and beauty. Your inner power and beauty give you the freedom to find success (however you define it), peace, love, self-confidence, and the joy of aliveness.  It is your birthright to experience life and its deepest satisfactions.

In making those choices every day to love ourselves as we would love our child or our tenderest lover, and taking action to do sweet things for ourselves, we literally change our reality.  We feel more at peace in the world, we attract more joyful opportunities and intersections, we draw more love into our lives, and life becomes the miracle it was intended to be (and it really is!)

“i found god in myself

& i loved her

i loved her fiercely.”

- Ntozake Shange

So how do we joyfully surrender to loving ourselves unconditionally?

The quickest path to self love that I know is to decide it.  What I mean by that is to consciously choose to love myself.  One of the intentions I speak every day is “I choose to love my self unconditionally, and I ask my angel team to help me do that.”  Then I follow up with choices that support that intention, such as being kind to myself in little ways, smiling into my eyes in the mirror, and laughing.  For example, when faced with a choice to watch a scary movie or a funny one, I ask myself “which is more loving to me in this moment?” and most often I choose the funny one.  I feel better after laughing than I do after jumping out of my skin!

I also take myself out on “dates”.  I insist on alone time because it helps to ground and center me (this can be challenging as a member of a family of four!)  And I have begun to “court” myself…..I wear things that make my body feel good or that make me feel sexy, like something soft or with a plunging neckline, maybe pick out some extra-fancy jewelry (instead of my usual practical kind) and then I look in the mirror and say ”Ooooh baby, you are looking good tonight!”  Just the other night I was in the hot tub with my husband and surprised myself totally by kissing myself on the shoulder.  Out of nowhere!  It was completely unconscious!  I guess those self-love messages are really getting through!  I crack myself up.

I have heard that Queen Latifah made a promise to herself that she would not marry anyone until she married herself first.  She had very positive and strong female role models when she was growing up and therefore had the reflection of loving eyes and sweet encouragement.  She knows she is precious.  She loves herself so much that she bought herself a wedding ring and put it on her right ring finger, a symbol of how she chose to wed herself before wedding any other.  WOW.  Unapologetic, passionate, fierce devotion to self.  Can’t mess with that!

When you think about it, on this earth we are all we’ve got. Yes, for a time we may have a beloved in a relationship, or children to dote on, or friends to laugh with, but we know that things change and that we are left with our own precious self in the end.  Therefore, speaking practically, it is a good investment to start loving yourself NOW!

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

-Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900

What does Self-Love mean?

Does it mean you get to eat ice cream every night just because you want it?  Well, sure, as long as you love the possible consequences of that choice!  Sometimes the choices we make are out of a place of NOT loving ourselves.  Are you making choices out of self love or self loathing?

Just as a lack of self-love has a vibration, so does unconditional self-love. It has a quiet, steady radiance which draws others to its light.  I define self-love as a deeper, quieter love; that you hold yourself in the way you would hold a baby or your sweetest lover…so tenderly.  And this is because you realize that you truly are a Child of the Universe, and the Lover of the Sacred.

And we aren’t talking halfway here!  Unconditional love is true love, love without limitations, conditions, or reservations.  This means loving ALL aspects of yourself, not just the ones that are “nice”, or more “spiritual”, or “attractive”.  You learn to love every aspect of yourself, even the ones you might think of as “negative”.  The universe is full of the balance of positive/negative, dark/light, up/down, hot/cold…..it is the nature of things to have balance, and all things that exist are here for a reason, including all of the aspects of YOU.  Any unloved aspects of the self will cry out for love in ways that can keep you bound to the inner and outer drama.

But if we aren’t taught to love ourselves, how do we begin to turn the tide and feel genuine caring for all parts of ourselves?  Self-love doesn’t happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to choose to create it. Some things that I choose to remember are:

* Knowing that I am more than my physical body…I am very clear that I am an infinite being who chose to come here for the fabulous experience of playing and creating in physical reality.  I love my physical existence and the opportunity to be here in this life.

* Knowing I am a powerful co-creator.  I have the power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility I have and the greatest opportunity.

* Knowing that I am always in process and always becoming.  I honor where I am in my process without judgment.

* Knowing that my feelings are powerful indicators of what I am creating, and therefore valuable information.  I treasure my feelings and I respond to them with reverence.   They are indeed part of my inner guidance system.  I honor my feelings and act from them, even if it means setting a limit with someone or saying “no”.

 Part 3 tomorrow…A SELF-LOVE Ritual

“I don’t like myself, I’m CRAZY about myself!”

-Mae West, 1892-1980

I wonder what the world would be like if we all felt this way?  If we could all say genuinely, without reservation, “I am crazy about myself!”

If you are one of the fortunate people who already understand and implement the powerful choice to love yourself and enjoy the vast benefits, then you are ahead of most of humanity on the learning curve.

But many of us recoil in horror at the thought.  “That would be egotistical!” “I would be embarrassed to say that.”  Or, “That would be selfish and arrogant!”  We were certainly not taught to love ourselves; in fact most of us were taught to put love of others over love of ourselves, and this is why we see the pain that is prevalent.  It is truly not possible to love others from a place of non-love for self.  If everyone loved themselves, it would be a very different world.

What if I were to challenge that voice inside that rejects the idea of self love by saying that the universe is literally made of love?  Do you doubt it?  What other force but love could explain the sheer generosity that made everything?  What other force but love could cause the grass to grow effortlessly, and the sun to shine every day, and the infinite diversity of consciousness that sprawls all over the universe?  You are Source energy!  How is it possible that you could be unlovable?  Grass does not doubt itself and slump over, refusing to grow, and a flower does not feel self loathing and decide it is not worthy to shine its face to the sun.  All there is….is love….or the rejection of it.  How are you rejecting love in your life?  What better place to start to see love in the world than inside ourselves?  How could we possibly have any effective measure of influence on the love in the world if we don’t love ourselves first?

And what if I were to take that a step further and tell you that to truly love everyone else, you MUST take care of yourself first, otherwise you have nothing to give?  I love the quote from Esther Hicks when she channeled Abraham:

“Be ultimately selfless in being ultimately selfish by saying that I care so much about you that I will insist on being in my place of utter connection so that I have something to give you…..because if I do not tend to that, I do not have anything to give you, and if I do tend to that, then I have everything to give you.”

Part 2 tomorrow…So how do we joyfully surrender to loving ourselves unconditionally?

pricking the crusty scab over the wound in my heart…letting it bleed

I must…there is no alternative if I want to be an alive, pliable, feeling human being

a moment’s courage to stick the needle of my consciousness in

please, hold my hand, Greater Self

and it’s done.  see, it only hurt for a moment

~

ahhh, the relief of letting it flow

the cleansing tears, the exorcizing of little demons in the dark corners of my psyche

the ones that have held court, whispering lies into my ears,

stringing nets and springing traps

grabbed up by the rush of cleansing waters from the genuine soul

lifted by the torrent of feeling, they are exposed and expunged through the grand golden portal of my heart

poured out onto the stones at my feet where they flip and writhe

I feel awe and compassion as I watch them dissolve in the light of the sun