One of the consequences of change is that we are invited to relate to the world in a different way than we did before, whether slightly or in a very drastic move to become a different person. I like the degrees of change when I am morphing, myself; a little refinement here, and little shave there. Sure, we’ve made some drastic life changes in terms of our location, and certainly when we left Asheville in 2003 for our 2-year spiritual journey, we made some huge changes in who we were. But now, the changes seem to be more subtle.
I am watching us four as we settle into the idea of living in California; the town we have chosen has a definite healing quality about it, making it feel safe and relatively easy to let go of the outdated energies. I am also watching how different we each are in the ways we process change and the way we create what is coming next.
My husband Peter is the “Great Manifestor”. I have always been in awe of his ability to line up all the parts of himself with an idea, then POOF, the idea comes into being. Where he gets stymied is when not all parts of himself are in alignment with the idea. But when they are, watch out; it’s gonna happen for sure. I am watching him now bring himself into alignment with yet another fabulous creation that will reflect his passions and spirit, and literally seeing the outdated parts of himself dropping off.
On the other hand, I seem to be more of a emergence person….what I mean by that is that I am in the process of discovery all of the time, and so rather than having a clear idea of what I want to do and going out to create it, I seem to be constantly uncovering bits and pieces of what I am becoming. It’s kind of like finding little bits of buried treasure every few yards! I like this process; it is fun for me, that is, until I want an answer NOW about what it is I am headed towards!
Jess and Aidan are similarly different (?) in their process. Jess is super clear about where he is going and manifests quickly what he wants. Aidan also seems to be a discoverer; he has to come to find things out for himself to incorporate new things into his life.
So here I am in the midst of a change; my location is changing, my community is changing, the way I walk in the world is changing, and my work is changing. But by degrees…..I have been pretty close to the core of who I am most of my life in terms of what I do in the world. I have always been a catalyst, teacher and inspirer, but it seems that my work has taken on different depth the more I mature in my knowing of myself and the more I am comfortable with my personal power. I am super excited because I can feel a new me coming, but I don’t know exactly what it looks like yet. I am impatient! I want to know what I will be doing!
The sensation I have had lately is that I have all of this wisdom and knowledge and experience and energy and passion and enthusiasm…and nowhere to plug it in. Pure potential…and nowhere to put it. I don’t know the avenues that I will be going down, the various modes of expressing myself. I wonder if a tree feels like this in the winter as their energy builds up for the big Springing forth. Or if it is like being pregnant in your late 9th month, and you feel that you can’t possibly get any bigger and that you are gonna pop if you don’t get that baby out. I’m gonna burst if I don’t find the right plug!
I am told when I dial in to the universal field that it is a timing issue…that the energy is building in the world and within me, and that I am refining who I am and what I wll be expressing in the world, and that I am releasing outdated parts of myself that now longer serve me. Like a new plant readying to be transplanted into the ground, it is not time for me to take off and GROW yet.
So I am being reminded to TRUST the process and not try to hurry it along. Hmmmmph! OKAY, I will try…………
