To Carry-to take, to bear, to hold, to bring, to lug, to transmit, to transport, to convey, to transfer, to move, to pass on, to conduct, to relay, to contain, to include, to involve, to store, to supply, to keep (from the English Thesaurus)
As a result of my injury, my sweet family is feeling some pretty big adjustments. The tasks that I usually have done in daily life towards maintenance of our family and our home are now meted out amongst the remaining three family members that can walk and carry things at the same time!
I am halfway through my 8 weeks of no-weight-bearing, and get around quite well on crutches, holding the right ankle above the ground and depending on my left to move me forward. I have gotten good at being Hop Along Cassidy out of necessity! But when you are holding yourself up with crutches and have a somewhat unstable balancing act going on, it isn’t possible to carry anything in your hands. Having that possibility now removed, I never realized how much carrying I was doing!
This has inspired in me a desire to examine the concept of carrying.
All moms know about carrying….we carry our babies in our bodies and in our arms and on our hips….we carry the food from the fridge to the sink and to the stove, we carry the groceries from the store to the checkout line to the car to the kitchen,….we carry our kids to school and carry their coats, their homework, their lunches…we carry our laundry to and from the washroom and then carry folded piles to the dresser drawers….we carry information from one place to another…we carry the intention of well-being for our families and our communities and our earth….we carry the well-being of our loved ones in our hearts, and we (sometimes to our detriment) carry the burdens of others simply because we care about them.
I know that in my experience of being a woman and a mother that I see the feminine as a vessel, and that vessels are great for carrying and holding things. Think in terms of the clay pots hand crafted by our ancient women ancestors, in a search for something to hold water and to cook in. Think in terms of the female body’s amazing capacity to grow and nurture and carry a child within the vessel of the womb, and our arms as a vessel to cradle the baby while nursing and to rock the child to sleep. I think in terms of the universe as a giant womb in which All Creation is held and carried. Nothing can exist unless there is a space in which to exist, right?
I’m not suggesting that the masculine does not carry its share of things; of course it does. This exploration is not a discourse on women or men being “better” than the other, or an argument about the roles that each should play; that seems ridiculous and a waste of time to me.
But the concept and experience of carrying itself seems to me to originate in a feminine principle of being a holder of space, a vessel within which creation can occur. Is this why the female of species have tended to be the carriers of home, hearth and procreation since the beginning of physical life on this planet?
I consider myself to be a feminist to the degree that I believe in equal opportunity for all regardless of gender. If a woman wants in her heart to go for it and succeed in business and career, I say it is a free will universe and she has every right to do that. Certainly, I feel there should not be any human-made constraints to limit her in her desire. I am a strong woman myself, and in my early years achieved a 5 year university degree and went into the professional realm because I wanted to work and make my mark on the world.
But as I became a mother, my sense of self has changed (and continues to!) I saw that it wasn’t possible for there to be equal opportunity for my husband to carry our babies, nor to breastfeed them once they were born. It was my unique role to do that due to my design. It was his unique role to provide for us, to keep us safe and protected with a house and healthy food to eat so that I could tend to the raising of our children. Home and hearth suddenly became very important to me. I found myself gardening organically, canning vegetables, learning to make candles and soap, learning herbs and homeopathy and other non-invasive health modalities, learning how to heal with my hands, learning how to listen to the subtle guidance of my inner wise voice. Having children cracked my heart open and my spirit came pouring out, looking to make up for lost time. I began the journey to own myself as a woman and therefore an embodiment of the Sacred Feminine.
Perhaps one of the backlashes of the feminist movement is that some of us have felt we owed our allegiance to those amazing and courageous women who first stood up and said “Enough!” to being treated as second class citizens or even property at the hands of men. I certainly respect and admire them, and know that their brave work has benefitted me and other women in the world. I also honor that their inner journey led them to do the work they felt was right to do.
However, in this physical world, for every action there is a reaction. There has been a consequence for some of us. For me, it was my belief that I should be out there conquering the world in business and making my power felt on men’s terms. Who am I to not follow up on my fore-sisters work and pave the way for women to become “more” in this world? Wouldn’t I be betraying them if I did not succeed in my professional life and have all of the benefits of making it in a man’s reality? For me, the consequence of being a child of the feminist movement has been a confusing of who I really am and who I thought I should be.
To this day I struggle with this inner part of me that pushes me to do, to make money, to have credibility, to gain notoriety, to be recognized as powerful in the man’s world. What is coming ever forward is the acknowledgment and acceptance of my role as a woman, a vessel, a carrier of the subtle mysteries of life. I want to succeed in the woman’s world. I want to nurture and create and hold space for my ever-unfolding. I want to carry and nurture and hold space for the creation and unfolding of my beautiful sons, who will be a serious catch for some special women in this world once they are ready to be set free from my arms! My true, authentic expression in this consensual reality right now is to BE the feminine. It is a constant process of coming into greater balance within me. I choose to give myself permission to BE this that I truly am.
My examination of my slow and steady reclaiming of my Sacred Feminine self as vessel and carrier for creation has been a constant meditation and realization since I broke my right (masculine) ankle. My masculine side has been put to pasture for awhile, while my (left) feminine side has had to step forward, to be the one who leads. How beautiful that my earthly body is being used as a metaphor for this balancing act, as I put my left, feminine foot forward in order to move through my day!
The insights I am receiving are jaw-dropping, at least to me! For 15 years, I have been reclaiming my Divine Feminine/Great Mother self, letting her move forward and through me, embodying me, letting her work be done in the world. It is an evolving process, and one that inspires me to watch, to observe, to record the journey, and to be ever thankful for the mysterious and beautiful way that life continues to unfold.
