Well, more changes to report in the never-ending stream of it our family has seen in the past year!
Since the ankle break forcibly sat me down, I have become a person who is more still and who is becoming more quiet. I learned LOTS of amazing things during the whole ankle incident (and am still learning, although it seems the insights are slowing down a bit to a steady, manageable flow rather than a torrent). But what is interesting to me right now is the change that has happened in my family as a result of me not taking energetic center stage.
Each of my fellow Berrys-in-the-patch is stepping up in a new way into their own power. They all got to see how much I do and how much I manage (read: control) in our lives, even subconsciously. This shifting of power has been a positive change for all of us. The burden for me of carrying such a load has been too much, and I have paid the price in some ways in my own creative life. Peter has stepped up in new ways as a man and caretaker of his family, and that is a miracle and a delight to witness and be part of. And my two boys are stepping into their own power and knowing, as well.
Part of the miracle of this change is that my family of peacemakers (read: people who don’t always speak up about what they want in the name of not making waves) is now being more real about their feelings. Honesty has always been a core value for me, but sometimes I don’t say what I feel for fear of creating conflict, getting hurt, or fearing I won’t be believed anyway. I also bought in to that crazy “spiritual” myth that if I am an evolved person, I should not feel angry, sad, frustrated, miffed or otherwise less than blissful, and that if I did, that meant there was something wrong with ME, not that a boundary had been crossed that was my job to defend…that’s another story for later.
My family is like this, too, but fortunately are relearning this pattern. In the name of this occurring, my Beloved husband shared a deep truth that he had been withholding for fear of the very things I’ve mentioned above. It all happened one Friday when he got home from a brutal work week (he is working extra hard in his business to make our income and having a rough go in this economy); he was just exhausted and beaten. We had been trying to figure out how we were going to manifest a move to California with the financial difficulties we are having, as well as California going through a really crazy time right now. I offered to massage his neck and shoulders, where he holds tension. As I worked on him, he softened under my touch, and then, out f the blue, he said in a small voice, “If it were just me, I would live on the gulf coast.”
Something opened up in the energy field between us…and I felt a sensation of being “breathed” (channeling sometimes feels this way), and heard come out of MY mouth, “If you deal with your issues about X, I will follow you to TALLAHASSEE.” As soon as I said it, my eyes got big, and Peter turned around, and his eyes were big, too. We looked at each other and felt our energy expanding from the inside and getting bigger. It felt GOOD.
We sat with this, talking amongst the two of us for weeks, not wanting to say anything to the kids (or anyone else) due to the number of times we have changed course with this whole moving thing. We finally felt sure enough that we were on to something because of how genuinely good we felt, and we told the kids, To our great surprise, they were ecstatic, and shared that they had wanted to go to Florida to live, but thought we would never go there again. Ah. The truth finally outs.
So, we went for two weeks, staying at no cost in a friend’s house. We fell in love with Tally; it has all the things we are looking for in a place to live, is even better for us as a family than the lovely central coast of California, is half the cost to live…the list goes on. We plan to move in August in time to get the kids in school.
No, we haven’t sold either of our properties in Colorado yet (see here to check them out http://www.berrytrip.us/Sanctuary.htm and )
No, it is not logical, especially at this time of old systems break-down, to move across the country and take on more expense. But it is a mental health issue at this point. As much as we have loved the land and some of the people where we have lived the last three years, we MUST move on. There is no other option.
So, I ask for your prayers and cheers and encouragement….at the hardest and most uncertain of times, we are choosing to do what is right for our family regardless of what it looks like to others (this is getting to be a familiar pattern!) We are running into the arms of a new life, new community, new soul family, and a new opportunity for goodness in our lives.
