My last couple of weeks have been intensely devoted to balancing my inner masculine; this comes as I’m writing a book that addresses the collective change we are all experiencing, the Great Re-Balancing of the feminine and masculine principles within and in the Whole. I wouldn’t be an expert in these matters if I weren’t observing and recording the process I am undergoing myself!
Over the last years of coaxing my inner feminine closer to balance and having great success, it became obvious that the masculine within me needed some attention, too. Not because I necessarily knew what the masculine was…I don’t see too many positive role models of balanced, authentic masculine energy in popular culture, so I earnestly began that dialogue to know. Just what IS masculine energy?
Well, I thought the Sacred Feminine and Great Mother were a mystery! When I first intentionally connected to Great Father and the Divine Masculine, it was such a shock I couldn’t talk about it. I experienced the energy as very powerful, very present, very linear and direct. Like a pointed finger rather than a cupped hand, although not because there were any fingers pointing at me! It was the quality of the energy that was so amazingly different than my experience of the feminine. It was powerfully singular, as opposed to the feminine which feels to me to be powerfully whole-oriented, or connective.
I have been getting to know Him over these last couple of years, slowly. I am finding I need to approach Great Father and the Divine Masculine with some caution, probably because of my own internal programming and unease around the masculine due to my role models. In my case, the masculine energy I saw and interacted with as I grew to adulthood did not protect me, and in some cases actively harmed me. My inner masculine grew to be alternately aggressive or emasculated depending on the situation.
But what I am finding about Great Father and the Divine Masculine is that there is a balance in there of being solid, confident, clear, protective and taking care of business without being overly aggressive, or bagging out by being a disempowered masculine. It is an energy that is completely awe-inspiring, and to stand in the presence of it is nothing short of miraculous.
Two weeks ago I was writing in my studio as I do every work day from 9-5 or so, when I was instructed to pause by my professional team (my professional team is a group of higher consciousness intelligences that assist me in my work). I paused, then was told to open up a new document in order to write a letter. I asked who I would be writing to, and was told, “Your father”.
My earthly father is a person I have lots of complicated feelings about, so hearing this instruction was not easy. However, I was told I would be writing a “Soul Letter” (Soul Letters are something I was taught to do by my angelic helpers several years ago…for more info, subscribe to my e-zine on my website, www.liciaberry.com ; the September e-zine issue will be instructions on how to write Soul Letters). One benefit of writing a Soul Letter is that it is not delivered in the physical world to the recipient, but at a soul level. This helped.
It was cathartic; the point of a Soul Letter is to say all of the things you can’t say to that person in physical life because they would react poorly to it or not hear it. Some things need to be expressed, and writing them in a Soul Letter is a great way to do it. I cried and felt genuine appreciation as well as anger with my father for the man he was and is. It opened me up, cleared some things out of the way. My afternoon was spent continuing with my writing in the book about what I had discovered. I had no idea then how taking this action freed me to experience authentic masculine energy in a magical experience that was to unfold that afternoon.
When I walked out of the studio a little before 5pm, I found that my car was having trouble. It would start, but then peter out, as if there was something wrong with the fuel line. I tried re-starting it several times, looking at my dashboard for indicators lights, turning off the air-conditioning and listening. Still, it would turn over but not sustain running the car. Hmmmm.
I felt strangely calm for being stranded in a marginal part of town with the only car in my family’s possession several miles from home or any friends’ help. I called Peter to tell him the situation; he listened, told me to try the things I had already tried, then sat confounded about what to do. I noticed that I was agitated with him for a moment as he seemed to be paralyzed. But I was still very calm. He got off the phone to collect his thoughts and called me back. I found out later that he was collecting up his desire to help and protect me and weighing it against the fact that he was so far from me that he was powerless to do much of anything. I found out something else, too.
He told me later that night that, in his earnest desire and knowing that it was his role to show up for me as the masculine partner in my life, he did the only thing he could. He asked Great Father and the Divine Masculine for help….to extend beyond his own hands and to activate the Great Father energy in anyone I interacted with so that I would be taken care of.
And that’s exactly what happened. You just read my experience in the previous entry.
Later, as I processed this extraordinary experience, I realized that by following the suggestion to write that letter to my biological father I had made a choice to shift. Feeling and expressing the feelings about how my father did not show up for me as well as the ways he did, therefore initiating a sea change inside, I had cleared a space. I had opened myself to experience authentic, balanced masculine energy. And it had rushed in, in spades! What a delight!
