(continued from One Traveler, One Road)
One of the hazards of publishing my last post that caused me to hesitate was that some people might read it and think poorly of me, or that they may see my journey as a mandate to stay in a bad marriage, or some other projection. Truly, the purpose of this blog post was to share what happened to me when I departed from 100% commitment to the road I was traveling, the energetic consequences of splitting my energy between two possible lives.
However, I think it is interesting to have begun this conversation with such deep sharing because I know it will take me to new understandings of others’ pain, and it will teach me about how I can be of service to others who are in committed relationship, whether with an intimate partner or with themselves (or BOTH, as it is in my case!)
It is important to note here that commitment to myself and my truth is an equal part of my commitment to my partnership with Peter. Where I chose to split my energy was the moment I feared that my commitment to myself was in conflict with my commitment to Peter.
I feel this way….If I am choosing a course of action, then it is smart energetically to choose it 100%, all the way. This “no exits” plan is a way of telling the universe that I am serious, dedicated, devoted to this stated goal. Whether it is a marriage, a career, raising a family, having a healthy body, writing a book, etc….my experience is that the more consistently my message is to the universe what I want in my life, the more readily it will cooperate with me to create that goal.
By splitting off my energy, I was giving the universe two opposite messages. I was making a “just in case” plan. Of course, the universe loves and supports me and wants to oblige…but the messages I was giving were opposing each other, so many times I would find I felt my front wheels were going forward but my back wheels were going in reverse. Expending lots of energy but going nowhere.
This really affected my life, my health, my core energy. It was such a revelation that I felt I must share it with others.
It feels important to also share that I asked Pete’s permission to publish this….obviously, it is not about just me (although it is quite a bit about my process!) His response was absolutely to share it; he believes similarly that transparent sharing of experience can really be of service to the world.
We have felt since we committed to one another 24 years ago that our relationship was a container for both of us to heal and grow, and that we may wind up sharing our journey with others who want to know spiritual partnership within their intimate relationship. We both hope that this sharing will be of service to others, and I hope especially that it encourages individuals to consider where they are splitting off their own energy, and where it is important to reclaim the one road that is truest for them.