I’ve been in love with God my whole life.
Since I was two years old and had the sensation of arms hugging me when there was no one there, I have been having experiences of the non-physical world. The arms seemed to say, “Hang in there…hold on. You will make it.” To have this early memory of the benevolent nature of God has been one of the great treasures in my life.
God has always meant Love to me, not the judgmental, wrathful man in the sky that my Christian preschool told me about. In fact, the God that they preached to our tender 4-year-old ears was the complete antithesis of the God I had been experiencing.
My thoughts at the time were to be doubtful of their judgment. Surely they had misunderstood the greatness of the “Man in Heaven”. Later, as I received their punishment for my disagreement, I became angry.
But the love affair with God has never abated; mystical experiences have peppered my life so often I have wondered if I deserved them all. My work, everything I do, is in devotion to God, to praise and share God. My experience over my life has shown me that what we call God is not a man in heaven, but the life force that runs through us all, and the intelligence innate in it. I experience God as an all-accepting, all-loving, neutral consciousness of awesome power. My sense has been all along that God has no gender and looks upon us as sisters and brothers in this dance called Creation.
However, I have also learned that there is masculine energy that is present in the aspects of Creation. This masculine energy expressed when we separated from Prime Source, and is present when we separate ourselves from God in our minds; the feminine energy re-members that we are One, and is connective in quality.
My life is homage to both of these dynamics. I have surrendered myself to the worst of the feminine and been preyed upon by the worst of the masculine, all in an effort to understand how to bring them into balance and sacred union. The masculine has been a great teacher for me, as has the unkind God that was foisted upon me as a child.
Now I truly feel the presence of the Divine Feminine in my life, and this is informing my healing with the masculine. I have high hopes for possibility of union within me.
As I write my book about the balancing of the feminine and masculine, I find Him in everything that I see…the Him I fell in love with.