Day 6 – Saturday, March 30, 2013
Jess started his first day of therapy today. We started with occupational therapy (also abbreviated as OT), which is “the use of treatments to develop, recover, or maintain the daily living and work skills of patients with a physical, mental or developmental condition. Occupational therapy is a client-centered practice that places a premium on the progress towards the client’s goals. Occupational therapy interventions focus on adapting the environment, modifying the task, teaching the skill, and educating the client/family in order to increase participation in and performance of daily activities.” (Wikipedia)
OT very good; Jess was able to shower, as long as he promised to sit down and had one of us close by. This is terrific for him because being under hot water is a kind of relaxation prescription for him and eases his constant headache. His OT therapist remarked that Jess is “high functioning”, which means that we have to dig for what’s there in Jess’ brain that’s not 100%. After showering, dressing, and some vision tests in his bed while he rested, he walked to the cafeteria with us holding on to him and had a little breakfast. We walked him back to his room, and he fell asleep immediately, apparently exhausted.
About 45 minutes later, his physical therapist came in and had Jess walk to the therapy gym (again, with us holding him). I tend to be protective of Jess in this state, and I have to watch myself and err on the side of allowing him to find the edge of his comfort level. His physical therapist noticed that he got tired quickly from the walk, and asked him questions to determine whether she could continue. She hooked him up to a monitor to watch his vitals (heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen level in his blood) and took measurements while he lay down, sit, stand and walk.
It was after he walked a short distance that the monitor said he had an extraordinarily rapid heart rate in the 180’s. She had him sit down and his heart rate came down quickly. Then she noticed that the oxygen level in his blood dropped into the 80’s, very low. I don’t know the medical terms for these things, but what I learned is that they are very bad. She had him sit still and his vitals returned to normal. She wondered whether the machine had a temporary glitch, because Jess was tired and pale, but not complaining of rapid heart rate or out of breath. She continued to gently test his vitals, noting that he remained under acceptable levels for the rest of the tests. She sent for the head nurse to come listen to Jess’ heart, and the nurse suggested an EKG when we were done.
Jess was doing great on some vision tests on a computer screen with his OT a few minutes later (from a wheel chair…they didn’t have him walk this time) when the nurse came in and said we needed to do an EKG stat. We rushed back to Jess room and put him in bed, where they hooked him up to the EKG machine. His tests resulted in a trip to the emergency room by ambulance. And thus began the next Big Trial.
The concern when a patient has a high heart rate and a drop in oxygen levels after they’ve had surgery is the possible formation of a blood clot in the lungs, or pulmonary embolism (which is, of course, life threatening) . Jess continued to be animated and talkative, joking with the techs as we drove to the hospital. He was asked repeatedly how he felt, and besides his headache, he reported feeling fine. At the ER, they took blood, x-rays and kept him hooked up to a vitals monitor; while I waited with Jess to hear the test results, I spoke with Peter (he and Aidan were on packing Jess’ dorm room up in Orlando while this was going on.) We also consulted with Peter’s dad, a former internal medicine doc with a specialty in cardiac. Jess continued to charm the ER staff, even talking up his business to the nurse (he said he was bummed he didn’t have a business card on him to give to her.) The insanity of this situation is that Jess seemed fine, while we were awaiting word about whether his life was in danger.
The x-ray came back clear, but the blood test came back positive for pulmonary embolism. We’d been warned that there are many false positives on this particular test, which was designed that way to be over-sensitive to the possible presence of a pulmonary embolism. The next thing that had to be done was a CT scan of Jess’ chest. He was whisked away and I had a moment to myself to check in with my inner guidance. I was told there was no embolism, and that Jess’ brain is still re-regulating, trying to figure out this new normal. But my fear and the odd reality of being back in the hospital looking at a whole new possibility of his death put me in such a stressed state. I felt myself tangling with fears that I’ve had since Jess was born, and I lost my calm center. I was a mess inside. I began thinking of the stories of shamans who were initiated through almost dying due to some illness. I know that Jess is being initiated into something more than he’s previously been, but I have a vested interest in him staying alive. Could I allow him to meet his destiny? Did I even have a choice? Would I live through this hellish experience of wondering every day if my son would make it? An hour and a half went by while Jess and I waited to hear the results of the CT scan. When the doc came in, I felt my entire being rush up into my throat (this must be the “lump in the throat” sensation I have heard folks talk about). He said the scan showed nothing, no pulmonary embolism. Jess was fine, just as he had been telling us.
And so another learning occurred for me. I’ve noticed that Jess has had an increase in his ability to assess his energetic systems since he was home for winter break. It seems he is in a growth period in his awareness and sensitivity, the skills of a healer. I’ve been watching him accurately assess where he had energy issues and turn them around with the power of his attention. I think it’s time that he heal himself now.
We have all been praying for his wholeness, and he is indeed whole. He is healing very well, and his brain is figuring out what the new landscape of Jess is. There will be times we have glitches while his brain does this mapping of the new cartography. It will be my job to trust that Jess is in the right place to learn his territory and that he will be fine and fulfilling his role in all creation, whatever that may be.
