Whatever the soul knows how to seek, it cannot fail to obtain.
Margaret Fuller
Day 8 – April 1, 2013
Today is the 8th day after Jess’s accident and surgery. I’m not a numerologist, although I am fascinated by the language of numbers. Each number has a different set of symbolic qualities, or vibration. I read that “the 8 vibration will provide the means – the personal power – with which to change the status quo and accomplish a significant goal that will alter the entire direction and quality of your journey.”
Jess’s therapies in rehab have been amazing; since the big scare on Saturday, his vital signs have been carefully monitored whenever he is physically active. His heart rate increases within an acceptable range with his activity, which is to be expected, but we have not seen the oxygen level drop in his blood since Saturday. I learned that anxiety can actually cause the oxygen level in your blood to drop, pulling it from your extremities to keep your organs sustained. Jess is getting some terrific reminders about the connection between his mind and body. In a very real way, he got to see how he can control his health through his breath.
So, a little mom brag; he is doing physical things (again while being monitored) like 1000 steps in 10 minutes on a sitting step machine (see photo above). He walked around the building outside on uneven ground. His speech therapists throw cognitive and other games at him and he beats them, such as scrabble. The OT gave him the all clear…the therapists are saying, “We don’t know what else to do with him.” This is such good news! I have had enough crisis in the last 8 days to last me a long, long time. It’s so hard to live on the edge of a knife, wondering if your child is going to live. And then we have these hopeful days!
I was picking up lunch for us near the rehab hospital when I saw a young man about Jess’ build skateboarding with no helmet, carefree and hair floating behind him. My heart stopped. That’s somebody’s kid. I found myself trying to get to him to speak to him from the window of the car, but he moved too fast to an opposing lane of traffic. I was overwhelmed with sadness, and as I parked the car in the rehab lot, I wailed like I’ve heard women wail when they lose their soul. I guess I feel the loss of our innocence at more acute levels as the reality sets in. Jess WILL have a 100% recovery, but it will take some time. Brian injuries like his can take 1-2 years before the person is 100% independent. After letting myself cry in the car and then again in Peter’s arms while Jess watched, I turned it around again, coming back to the place of incredible gratitude that Jess is alive and doing so well a mere 8 days after his accident and surgery. Now, I’m on top of the world.
Part of today’s conversations were with doctors and Jess’ case manager. Jess had to hear some hard things that he didn’t want to hear, like that he must give up his love of bass music for several months or even years while his brain finds its way again. That it may be a year before he can go back to being a full-time student. That he will have to move slowly in recovering the things he was so easily able to do, like driving, hanging out with friends away from home, being on his bike or skateboard, or playing sports. We had to remind him today that his brain was severely shaken up from this trauma, and that any kind of injury, just even a tap on the head or a shaking from the bass in his car, could set him back for months. A few days back, Peter and I had this dawning realization, but today Jess really got a piece of it. He is angry, as he should be; he is angry that he has lost his independence, but he is mostly angry at himself.
Peter headed home in the afternoon to return to routine and to be with Aidan, who very much needs to be back in his life. Apparently, before I arrived back in Gainesville this morning to take over, a female wild turkey visited Jess’ quadrant of the grounds. The same window that hosted the woodpecker so elegantly on Friday looks out upon a lovely park-like setting with trees and hills. The turkey was eating things on the ground, bugs I suppose, in an animated way. Turkey animal medicine involves sacrifice of self, teaches gratitude for what is already around you instead of encouraging you to constantly seek new forms of nourishment, and only appears when appropriate. “The Turkey is linked to the third eye, the seat of feminine energies within us, and the center for higher vision. Turkey is also the symbol of the Mother Earth and her abundant harvest. All of Earth’s blessings and the ability to use them to their greatest advantage are part of Turkey’s teachings.” It is apparently associated with abundance, and transcending the self. We will be watching carefully in the next few days for the blessings of turkey.
And the BIG news (drumroll please)…Jess is possibly being discharged TOMORROW to outpatient therapy. If it happens, this would be on DAY 9, and 9 is about completion. We are so excited we can barely stand it. This means we will come home to Tallahassee and continue rehab on an outpatient basis, while I also continue to work with Jess using the whole brain techniques I have learned over the years. His recovery is nothing short of miraculous, as many people have mentioned (including his medical and rehab staff). We know that we have been supported so beautifully by his excellent care as well as by the outpouring of love from around the globe, and we can never thank you enough for caring. We have started calling him Miracle Man, and he knows that the world put a lot of prayer and thought into his life, and he is eager to give back and play his part in the great web of life.
More tomorrow, as we possibly begin the next phase of this miraculous journey…. xoxoxo, Licia
