DAY 28 after Jess’ Traumatic Brain Injury
My family is not meant to live a “normal” life. From the moment Peter and I came together, it was clear that there was a larger purpose in our union.
Our second date was a week on the Outer Banks, where my father’s lineage comes from. One morning, we got out onto the beach at the lonely northern point before sunrise, and stood watching the sunrise over the water. We were filled with the presence of God as we watched the great ball of fire lift out of the sea, hope and light and a glimpse of something very special and good. Peter’s arms were around me from the back, and he put his hand on my belly as he whispered in my ear, “You will have our baby in there someday”. And I knew that it was true, and that it would be a son, and that this son would be very special…the word Promise comes around and around as I relieve the feeling of what I knew in my body, mind and spirit in that moment. A Promise of someone very special.
And Jess IS very special. He was special from the moment he was conceived; I felt so holy and happy carrying him, as if I carried the sun in my womb. His birth was traumatic, a medical nightmare in which his life was in danger, and yet he pulled through, even helping to squeeze out of the narrow opening that threatened to crush him as he was born. I’d given permission for an epidural at my doctor’s suggestion, and was unable to properly isolate the muscles to push him out when the time came. I pushed for 2 hours, and he was stuck for a longer time than most babies in between the bones of my pelvis. He was actually moving his head to try to wiggle out, trying to help himself be born. He emerged with seconds to spare, blue and limp, and sporting a conehead and a squashed nose. Somehow, this kid came back to achieve great Apgars after initially getting a poor score. Hard births are his forte.
And here he is now, sporting a head trauma and coming back from the edge of la-la land, where he logically could have been stuck for the rest of his existence. And coming back with a vengeance. His determination to heal is the major reason for his progress and the speed with which he has already recovered, but I feel there is more to the story.
He said to me one day as we drove his little brother to preschool, “Mommy, I want to be your apprentice.” He was 7 years old. I had never spoken to him about my healing work or the concept of apprenticeship, and yet here it was, expressing freely and unprompted from his lips. I filed it away in the store of remarkable instances of his abilities as a shaman, always wise beyond his years, where it has stayed until now, when this isolated moment in time has leaped out in full color, as if we are getting a window into his future.
I don’t know what this means for him, or for me, or our family. I am very busy being mom and wife and caretaker, which occupy my present moments utterly. And yet, at the same time, I feel the motion underneath the surface of our daily lives, something greater like a chess game with the pieces moving into place. Our family is different as is evident from the amazing adventures we’ve had, including our Family Vision Quest from 2003-2010; the indications are quite good that we are not destined for a “normal” life. Although we may try to fit in and live the way others do, it has never quite worked that way for us. It seems every time that we try, we find ourselves being course-corrected back onto the outer path.
A larger current than what can be logically understood is carrying us, and we are changing. It’s true, we were not meant to lead normal lives, and the universe is reminding us of that. We will allow ourselves to be transformed, and answer the call to be the aspects of creation that we are asked to be.
The Story of Jess’ Miraculous Recovery from DAY 1
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