Hello, and welcome to article three in a three-part series, taken from my Brand Builders TV episode I am not a Victim, I am Victorious (Part One). In the video, I talk about the definition of the word victim, about my own story of darkness and pain…and most importantly, about how I am no longer a victim.
You can choose to turn your pain into your prize, your victimhood into your victory—and I’m here to help you do that. You can read the first two parts of this series at What is a Victim? and I am a Victim No More. Then you’ll be ready to read this, the conclusion of this first part of the full series on leadership.
Let’s dive in!
Pain is a Small Part of You
When we look at pain, it’s important to understand that we’re not looking at the sum total of ourselves. When we’re dealing with the pain, we’re actually dealing with something much smaller than our whole life, spirit, heart and all the potential we have to create, do and make something new and beautiful. The pain is small in comparison to all that.
But pain feels big. It feels like it’s our sum total. That’s because our mind is an amazing amplifier of what we have going on inside. If you’ve had early difficulty in your life, those pre-recorded, pre-installed software programs in the subconscious mind are at work. They represent what we were taught as children. The thoughts we create in a pattern about whatever may have happened can really feel like the truth.
I have experienced this myself, many times. Where I thought something that was absolutely not true. I thought someone didn’t like me. I thought someone was thinking horrible thoughts about me. I thought something wasn’t going to happen that could. That my business and experiences weren’t valuable, or that no one wanted what I had to offer.
None of this was true. But in my head, I was believing it because of my early programming, created by childhood trauma and pain.
If we don’t challenge these voices and parts of us that are filtered by pain, we can move through our whole lives recreating the same stories, over and over and over again.
We can confront those voices in our heads, as well as the emotional pain and suffering, by saying, “Okay, you’re in me. You’re here. I’m going to totally own you. I’m going to find out about you and make friends with you.” Yes, I just said make friends with your pain.
Pain is the greatest teacher. There are a lot of people out there who seek teachers. Hopefully, we all do. Hopefully, we all love to learn and need each other.
But did you know the greatest growth in your life comes from facing your pain? No book, movie, teacher…nothing will cause you to grow at the depth, rate and with the profound wisdom like pain will, when you allow it to be your teacher. That creates actual wisdom.
How do You Feel about Pain?
I’m curious. How do you feel about pain? Do you run from it? That’s what we’re taught to do, and certainly nobody likes pain. It hurts and you want to make it stop.
The correct thing is to make pain stop, but you can’t do that unless you face it. You can’t make a broken bone heal unless you acknowledge it, go to the hospital and have it set. If you have a broken mind, heart or spirit because of something hard that happened to you, and you’re in a loop around and around, then you are doomed to repeat the past.
We must face it. We must heal those broken parts of ourselves. But remember, they’re just parts. They’re not the sum total of your giant, immense spirit—your beautiful, humongous, fiery soul. These are just small compared to the potential and truth of who you are.
Facing pain—even making friends with pain—can be the answer you’ve been looking for. If things are not exactly how you wish in your life, then embracing, claiming and turning that crap into compost is the answer to moving ahead.
Pain: An Exercise
I’ve got some experiential stuff for you. There are a few questions I’d like to suggest you answer. These are designed to help you take stock.
You can’t know where you’re going until you figure out where you are—just like on a map. You have to know you’re in New York City before you can get directions for getting to Los Angeles. Or you have to know you’re in London before you can know how to get to Edinboro. And so, we’re going to create fertile ground; compost the soil before we start planting seeds. And we’re going to do that by taking stock of your life.
Write these questions down, spend time and journal with them. They cannot be rushed.
1. What’s the lead asking to be turned into gold in your life?
We know that 2020 was the year of all years. Now is the time to take stock and make your life count for you. If this has been a crucial time in your soul’s journey, what have you discovered in the crucible that 2020 created?
A crucible is the fireproof, indestructible container used in alchemy, a Medieval process in which scientists, philosophers and spiritualists endeavored to turn metals into gold. They fired it up and added lots of different things in the hopes of transforming them into something fantastic. Sort of like the composting process.
The crucible is the container that the past year has created for us. We’re all still in the crucible, and the alchemist is applying fire. What lead (“led”) in your life has the potential to turn into gold in this alchemical crucible? Many of us are thriving, but there’s always something that could be better. There’s always something we could turn into even more.
2. What in your life is wasting your time?
What are you thinking about? How are you thinking about yourself and your life? Your mind is your most constant source of input. It filters everything. All the stuff happening outside your mind is being poured through that filter.
The filter in your mind is made of beliefs and other internal structures that you’ve built as a result of your experiences thus far. That’s just what we do.
The trouble is that our filters can be tremendously limiting factors. And they need to be cleaned regularly, like the coffee filter every morning.
Can you imagine drinking coffee with a week’s, a month’s or a year’s worth of grounds in the filter? Yuck! That is not the premium coffee we’d like to drink.
So we’ve got to check out what kind of filters you’ve got going on. This is where I recommend you grab my Clearing the Four Obstacles paper. So the old beliefs, fears, attachments and aversions are not preventing you from living your most wondrous life.
3. What do you want more of in your life?
Dream big. If you could have anything you wanted, what would you ask for? Go ahead, dream it up.
Making Medicine from Emotional Pain
These three questions are really important. They may seem obvious, but sit with them and give yourself time. Journal about them and really reflect deeply about the answers. If you go into a state of profound willingness, you can receive the answers to these questions. You will be richly rewarded in return.
Journaling on these three prompts will prepare that fertile soil for the strategies I’ll be sharing with you in future series. You’re going to unlock the parts of you that may be stuck in the victim state, where they feel powerless. Those parts hold the key to turning your pain into your prize and making medicine out of your suffering. They can heal your life, your family, your community and your world. And, they can open the floodgates of success for your business.
Thanks to Sammy for creating this fabulous platform and for her tireless energy in generating opportunities for us to show our brilliance, to shine our lights and to connect with one another.
If you’d like to join me and other brilliant entrepreneurs in the Brand Builders Club, I don’t blame you! Simply visit https://lite.brandbuilders.club/member to learn more about how you can join with no commitment. You will gather wisdom, contribute thoughts and advice, ask questions, get feedback, participate in brand-building activities and enjoy accountability to leads to accomplishment.
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Until next time, big love from my heart to yours!